Today we are walking in: DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE PART 6
Nechemyah (Nehemiah) 6:3
“And I sent messengers unto them, saying, I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?”
“And I sent messengers unto them, saying, I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?”
WORK
Today we look to the word—WORK—H4399—melakah—occupation, workmanship, business, employment, service, ministry, property, or work that has been assigned to be accomplished. The word carries the idea of purposeful labor, something requiring attention and responsibility. Nechemyah understood that what YAHUAH had placed before him was more important than the voices attempting to pull him away from it. His response reveals one of the greatest principles for dealing with difficult people: when you understand the importance of your assignment, you stop allowing every distraction to interrupt your work.
The Torah Testifies……….
Bereshiyth (Genesis) 2:2
“And on the seventh day Elohiym ended his work H4399 which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work H4399 which he had made.”
Shemoth (Exodus) 35:2
“Six days shall work H4399 be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to YAHUAH.”
Bereshiyth (Genesis) 2:2
“And on the seventh day Elohiym ended his work H4399 which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work H4399 which he had made.”
Shemoth (Exodus) 35:2
“Six days shall work H4399 be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to YAHUAH.”
The Prophets Proclaim………
Yirmeyahu (Jeremiah) 48:10
“Cursed be he that doeth the work H4399 of YAHUAH deceitfully.”
Yonah (Jonah) 1:8
“Then said they unto him, Tell us, we pray thee, for whose cause this evil is upon us; What is thine occupation? H4399”
Yirmeyahu (Jeremiah) 48:10
“Cursed be he that doeth the work H4399 of YAHUAH deceitfully.”
Yonah (Jonah) 1:8
“Then said they unto him, Tell us, we pray thee, for whose cause this evil is upon us; What is thine occupation? H4399”
The Writings Witness………
Nechemyah (Nehemiah) 4:17
“They which builded on the wall, and they that bare burdens, with those that laded, every one with one of his hands wrought H4399 in the work, and with the other hand held a weapon.”
Nechemyah (Nehemiah) 6:3
“And I sent messengers unto them, saying, I am doing a great work, H4399 so that I cannot come down.”
Nechemyah (Nehemiah) 4:17
“They which builded on the wall, and they that bare burdens, with those that laded, every one with one of his hands wrought H4399 in the work, and with the other hand held a weapon.”
Nechemyah (Nehemiah) 6:3
“And I sent messengers unto them, saying, I am doing a great work, H4399 so that I cannot come down.”
There comes a point in dealing with difficult people when you must stop asking how to make them behave differently and begin asking yourself a more important question: How much of my assignment am I neglecting because I am too busy responding to them?
That question can be uncomfortable because difficult people have a way of consuming enormous amounts of mental and emotional energy. The conversation may have lasted ten minutes, but you replay it for three days. They sent one message, but you have mentally written seventeen responses. They made one accusation, and now you are building an entire case trying to prove yourself. They criticized something YAHUAH told you to do, and suddenly you are questioning an assignment you were completely confident about before they opened their mouth.
Meanwhile, the wall is sitting unfinished.
Write this down: Every distraction does not come looking like destruction. Sometimes distraction comes looking like a conversation you feel obligated to have.
Nechemyah teaches us another way.
I AM DOING A GREAT WORK
Nechemyah had been given an assignment. The walls of Yerushalayim were broken down, its gates had been burned, and YAHUAH placed the burden within Nechemyah to rebuild.
That work mattered.
It was bigger than Nechemyah’s feelings. It was bigger than the opinions of his enemies. It was bigger than whether Sanballat liked him. It was bigger than whether Tobiyah understood him.
Nechemyah knew what YAHUAH had assigned him to accomplish.
That clarity became protection.
When you do not know what you are supposed to be doing, everything can become important. Every argument feels urgent. Every opinion demands consideration. Every critic receives your attention. Every offense becomes a project.
But when your assignment becomes clear, you develop the ability to distinguish between what deserves your attention and what merely demands it.
Write this down: Urgent does not always mean important, and loud does not always mean worthy of my attention.
Some things are screaming for your attention that have absolutely nothing to do with your assignment.
SANBALLAT WILL ALWAYS SEND AN INVITATION
Nechemyah 6 tells us that Sanballat and Geshem sent word to Nechemyah saying, “Come, let us meet together.”
It sounded like a meeting.
It sounded reasonable.
It could even have sounded like an opportunity to settle their differences.
But Nechemyah discerned something deeper.
Scripture says, “But they thought to do me mischief.”
That means Nechemyah had to discern the intention behind the invitation.
Everything requesting your presence does not deserve your presence.
Every conversation requesting your participation does not deserve your participation.
Every meeting is not productive.
Every invitation is not from YAHUAH.
Write this down: Discernment asks what an invitation is designed to pull me away from.
Sometimes the greatest danger is not what will happen if you go. The danger is what stops happening because you left your assignment to go.
Nechemyah understood that.
I CANNOT COME DOWN
His response was simple: “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down.”
Notice what he did not do.
He did not send Sanballat a twelve-paragraph explanation.
He did not defend the legitimacy of the wall.
He did not explain why YAHUAH called him.
He did not ask Sanballat to understand.
He did not organize a meeting to discuss Sanballat’s feelings about his assignment.
He simply knew that leaving the wall would stop the work.
That was enough.
There are seasons when “I cannot come down” must become your spiritual vocabulary.
You cannot come down every time somebody misunderstands you.
You cannot come down every time somebody criticizes you.
You cannot come down every time somebody talks about you.
You cannot come down every time somebody becomes offended because you established a boundary.
You cannot come down every time somebody demands access YAHUAH never told you to give them.
Write this down: If answering the distraction requires abandoning the assignment, the answer is no.
That does not mean you become arrogant. It means you become focused.
THEY SENT FOR HIM FOUR TIMES
Here is where the story becomes even more powerful.
Nechemyah 6:4 says, “Yet they sent unto me four times after this sort; and I answered them after the same manner.”
Four times.
Sanballat did not stop because Nechemyah said no once.
That is important.
Sometimes people believe that if they establish a boundary correctly, the other person will immediately respect it.
Not necessarily.
Some people test boundaries.
Some people push again.
Some people change their approach.
Some people believe persistence will eventually wear you down.
Nechemyah teaches us something powerful: You do not have to invent a new answer every time somebody refuses to accept the old one.
He answered them after the same manner.
Write this down: Consistency is what turns a stated boundary into an established boundary.
You said no yesterday.
It can still be no today.
You explained what you will not participate in.
You do not have to renegotiate because somebody dislikes your decision.
Difficult people sometimes interpret your consistency as stubbornness because they benefited from your inconsistency.
Stay on the wall.
WHEN THE INVITATION FAILED, THE ACCUSATION CAME
Then Sanballat changed tactics.
When Nechemyah would not come down, Sanballat sent an open letter containing accusations. He claimed that Nechemyah was rebuilding the wall because he wanted to become king.
Look at the progression.
First came the invitation.
When the invitation failed, accusation followed.
That happens.
When difficult people cannot control your actions, some will attempt to control the narrative about your actions.
They may misrepresent your motives.
They may tell people you changed.
They may call your boundary disrespect.
They may call your focus selfishness.
They may interpret your distance as hatred.
They may create an explanation for your behavior that protects their version of events.
Nechemyah could have panicked.
Instead, he answered in Nechemyah 6:8, “There are no such things done as thou sayest, but thou feignest them out of thine own heart.”
He corrected the lie.
Then he returned to the work.
Write this down: Correcting misinformation does not require becoming consumed by misinformation.
There is a difference between addressing something and becoming obsessed with it.
Sometimes correction is necessary. But after you have spoken truth, go back to building.
STOP TRYING TO CONTROL WHAT EVERYBODY THINKS ABOUT YOU
This is one of the greatest freedoms you can learn.
You cannot control everybody’s interpretation of you.
You can live honestly, communicate clearly, act with integrity, apologize when you are wrong, correct misinformation when necessary, and somebody may still decide to misunderstand you.
Let them be responsible for that.
Your responsibility is integrity.
Write this down: I am responsible for my character; I am not responsible for everybody’s opinion of my character.
If you spend your life trying to control every person’s perception of you, difficult people will always have a leash attached to your attention.
All they have to do is say something inaccurate and you come running down from the wall.
Stop coming down.
DO NOT GIVE CRITICS MORE ATTENTION THAN YAHUAH
Sometimes we spend more time thinking about what critics said than what YAHUAH said.
YAHUAH gave the assignment.
One person questioned it.
Now suddenly the person’s question is louder than YAHUAH’s instruction.
Something is wrong with that.
If YAHUAH has clearly instructed you, you cannot require universal human approval before obeying Him.
People may misunderstand your season.
They may not understand why you changed.
They may not understand why you stopped participating in certain things.
They may not understand why your priorities shifted.
They may not understand why you became less available.
They may not understand why your answer is now no.
But if your decisions are being governed by obedience, wisdom, and Scripture, everybody does not have to understand.
Write this down: People do not have to approve what YAHUAH authorized.
SOME DISTRACTIONS ARE REALLY TESTS OF FOCUS
The enemy does not always need to stop your purpose if he can keep interrupting it.
Think about that.
If every week you lose two days emotionally recovering from unnecessary conflict, how much purpose is being lost?
If every criticism sends you into isolation, how much work stops?
If every difficult person occupies your thoughts while you should be praying, studying, building, creating, serving, planning, parenting, healing, or preparing, how much attention is being stolen?
That is why focus is spiritual warfare.
Write this down: Whatever consistently steals my focus deserves examination.
The issue may not merely be that somebody is difficult.
The issue may be that you have given their difficulty too much access to your attention.
PROTECT YOUR ASSIGNMENT FROM EMOTIONAL DISTRACTION
You can physically leave a difficult person and still carry them mentally everywhere you go.
You are at work thinking about them.
You are eating thinking about them.
You are driving having imaginary arguments with them.
You are trying to pray and suddenly giving YAHUAH a forty-five-minute recap of what they did.
At some point, release it.
You have already prayed.
You established the boundary.
You responded with wisdom.
You surrendered them to YAHUAH.
Now return your attention to your assignment.
Write this down: Physical distance without mental release can still leave a difficult person controlling your life.
Guard your mind.
Your attention is valuable.
DO NOT WASTE YEARS TRYING TO WIN APPROVAL
Some people have spent years trying to prove themselves to someone who decided long ago not to celebrate them.
That is exhausting.
You accomplish something and wonder what they think.
YAHUAH opens a door and you wonder whether they approve.
You grow, but you keep checking whether they noticed.
You are building your future while emotionally looking over your shoulder.
Stop.
Not everybody assigned to your life is assigned to applaud you.
Some people may never understand your calling.
Some may never celebrate your growth.
Some may even prefer the version of you that required less from them.
Your responsibility is not to convince everybody that YAHUAH has called you.
Your responsibility is to answer the call.
Write this down: Approval is too expensive when the price is obedience.
PAUL SAID PRESS FORWARD
Philippians 3:13-14 gives us another powerful picture: “Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark.”
There is movement in that language.
Reaching.
Pressing.
Moving forward.
You cannot press forward while constantly turning backward to argue.
There are people behind you who will continue talking.
Let them talk while you press.
There are situations you cannot change.
Release them while you press.
There are misunderstandings you cannot completely resolve.
Entrust them to YAHUAH while you press.
There are relationships that may never return to what they were.
Grieve them, heal, and press.
Write this down: I can acknowledge what happened without allowing what happened to become where I live.
DIFFICULT PEOPLE CAN TEACH YOU SOMETHING
Before we close, understand that difficult people are not always useless encounters.
Sometimes they reveal where you need stronger boundaries.
Sometimes they expose emotional wounds that still need healing.
Sometimes they teach you patience.
Sometimes they teach you discernment.
Sometimes they show you where you have been too dependent upon approval.
Sometimes they force you to develop communication skills.
Sometimes they reveal how much more self-control YAHUAH wants to produce within you.
Even an unpleasant relationship can produce useful wisdom when surrendered to YAHUAH.
Write this down: I will take the lesson without carrying the offense.
That is maturity.
You do not have to become bitter to become wiser.
LOVE THEM WITHOUT LEAVING YOUR ASSIGNMENT
Everything we have taught throughout this series must remain balanced.
Difficult people are still people.
They are still human beings created by YAHUAH.
Some are wounded.
Some are immature.
Some are afraid.
Some are acting from experiences you know nothing about.
Some genuinely do not realize the damage they create.
Others know exactly what they are doing.
Wisdom determines how you deal with each one.
But no matter which type you encounter, do not allow their behavior to transform you into someone YAHUAH did not call you to become.
Love without becoming foolish.
Forgive without abandoning boundaries.
Pray without trying to control.
Speak truth without becoming cruel.
Create distance without hatred when distance is necessary.
And continue your assignment.
Write this down: I can love difficult people without giving difficult people control over my purpose.
REMEMBER THE SIX LESSONS
Throughout this teaching, YAHUAH has shown us how to deal with difficult people without allowing difficult people to govern our lives.
We learned first that people are not the real enemy. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, and recognizing the spiritual dimension of conflict prevents us from turning people into targets of hatred.
We learned that we must master our emotions. If somebody can control your emotional state, they can influence your behavior. Through the Ruach Ha’Qodesh, we learn to respond rather than react.
We learned to establish healthy boundaries. Loving everybody does not require giving everybody unrestricted access to our time, emotions, energy, or private life.
We learned to respond with wisdom rather than foolishness. Not every accusation deserves an answer, not every argument deserves participation, and sometimes silence is the strongest response available.
We learned to pray for people instead of assuming responsibility for changing them. Human hearts belong to YAHUAH. We can love, speak, pray, encourage, and establish boundaries, but transformation belongs to Him.
And finally, we learned to stay focused on the assignment. Difficult people cannot be allowed to consume the time, attention, emotional energy, and spiritual focus YAHUAH gave us for purpose.
When these six truths become part of your life, difficult people may still be difficult, but they will no longer possess the same ability to control you.
YOUR FINAL DECLARATION
Declare this over yourself: “I will not come down.”
When offense calls, I will not come down.
When criticism calls, I will not come down.
When unnecessary arguments call, I will not come down.
When somebody misunderstands my boundary, I will not come down.
When somebody tries to make their dysfunction my responsibility, I will not come down.
When accusation attempts to distract me, I will not come down.
I am doing a great work.
YAHUAH has given me an assignment.
My time belongs to that assignment.
My attention belongs to that assignment.
My gifts belong to that assignment.
My obedience belongs to YAHUAH.
I will love people.
I will pray for people.
I will forgive people.
I will speak truth.
I will establish boundaries.
I will receive correction when I am wrong.
I will seek wisdom before I respond.
But I will not abandon my purpose to participate in unnecessary conflict.
I AM DOING A GREAT WORK, AND I CANNOT COME DOWN.
FINAL PRAYER
YAHUAH, thank You for Your wisdom concerning relationships and difficult people. Search our hearts and reveal every place where offense, bitterness, pride, anger, fear, people-pleasing, or the desire for control has influenced the way we respond to others. Give us the wisdom to recognize that flesh and blood are not the true enemy, and teach us to see people through eyes of discernment rather than hatred.
Ruach Ha’Qodesh, govern our emotions. Teach us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Place a guard over our mouths when emotions rise. Give us the wisdom to know when to speak, when to remain silent, when to confront, when to forgive, when to establish boundaries, and when to walk away.
YAHUAH, deliver us from believing that we are responsible for changing people. We surrender every difficult person into Your hands. Reach the places in their hearts that our words cannot reach. Heal what is wounded, expose what is hidden, correct what is wrong, soften what has become hardened, and draw them into Your truth according to Your perfect wisdom.
At the same time, search us. Do not allow us to become so focused on another person’s faults that we become blind to our own. Correct us where correction is needed. Heal us where we have been wounded. Mature us where we have been immature. Strengthen our boundaries where they have been weak, and soften our hearts wherever pain has made us hard.
Most importantly, Father, keep our eyes upon the work You have placed before us. Do not allow criticism, offense, misunderstanding, rejection, gossip, arguments, or difficult personalities to pull us down from the wall. Restore every ounce of energy we have wasted fighting unnecessary battles. Restore our focus. Restore our peace. Restore our discipline. Restore our joy in the assignment.
Let the words of Nechemyah become resident within our spirits: “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down.”
May we finish what You have assigned to our hands. May we love people without becoming controlled by people. May we walk in compassion without abandoning wisdom. May we forgive without returning to dysfunction. May we establish boundaries without bitterness. May we speak truth without cruelty. May we remain humble enough to receive correction and strong enough to reject manipulation.
And when our assignment is complete, may we be able to look back and say that difficult people did not destroy our character, steal our peace, harden our hearts, or prevent us from finishing what YAHUAH called us to do.
We will remain on the wall.
We will continue building.
We will continue obeying.
We will continue loving.
We will continue praying.
And by Your grace, we will finish the work.
In the mighty Name of Yahusha Ha’Mashiach, we pray.
Amein.
That question can be uncomfortable because difficult people have a way of consuming enormous amounts of mental and emotional energy. The conversation may have lasted ten minutes, but you replay it for three days. They sent one message, but you have mentally written seventeen responses. They made one accusation, and now you are building an entire case trying to prove yourself. They criticized something YAHUAH told you to do, and suddenly you are questioning an assignment you were completely confident about before they opened their mouth.
Meanwhile, the wall is sitting unfinished.
Write this down: Every distraction does not come looking like destruction. Sometimes distraction comes looking like a conversation you feel obligated to have.
Nechemyah teaches us another way.
I AM DOING A GREAT WORK
Nechemyah had been given an assignment. The walls of Yerushalayim were broken down, its gates had been burned, and YAHUAH placed the burden within Nechemyah to rebuild.
That work mattered.
It was bigger than Nechemyah’s feelings. It was bigger than the opinions of his enemies. It was bigger than whether Sanballat liked him. It was bigger than whether Tobiyah understood him.
Nechemyah knew what YAHUAH had assigned him to accomplish.
That clarity became protection.
When you do not know what you are supposed to be doing, everything can become important. Every argument feels urgent. Every opinion demands consideration. Every critic receives your attention. Every offense becomes a project.
But when your assignment becomes clear, you develop the ability to distinguish between what deserves your attention and what merely demands it.
Write this down: Urgent does not always mean important, and loud does not always mean worthy of my attention.
Some things are screaming for your attention that have absolutely nothing to do with your assignment.
SANBALLAT WILL ALWAYS SEND AN INVITATION
Nechemyah 6 tells us that Sanballat and Geshem sent word to Nechemyah saying, “Come, let us meet together.”
It sounded like a meeting.
It sounded reasonable.
It could even have sounded like an opportunity to settle their differences.
But Nechemyah discerned something deeper.
Scripture says, “But they thought to do me mischief.”
That means Nechemyah had to discern the intention behind the invitation.
Everything requesting your presence does not deserve your presence.
Every conversation requesting your participation does not deserve your participation.
Every meeting is not productive.
Every invitation is not from YAHUAH.
Write this down: Discernment asks what an invitation is designed to pull me away from.
Sometimes the greatest danger is not what will happen if you go. The danger is what stops happening because you left your assignment to go.
Nechemyah understood that.
I CANNOT COME DOWN
His response was simple: “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down.”
Notice what he did not do.
He did not send Sanballat a twelve-paragraph explanation.
He did not defend the legitimacy of the wall.
He did not explain why YAHUAH called him.
He did not ask Sanballat to understand.
He did not organize a meeting to discuss Sanballat’s feelings about his assignment.
He simply knew that leaving the wall would stop the work.
That was enough.
There are seasons when “I cannot come down” must become your spiritual vocabulary.
You cannot come down every time somebody misunderstands you.
You cannot come down every time somebody criticizes you.
You cannot come down every time somebody talks about you.
You cannot come down every time somebody becomes offended because you established a boundary.
You cannot come down every time somebody demands access YAHUAH never told you to give them.
Write this down: If answering the distraction requires abandoning the assignment, the answer is no.
That does not mean you become arrogant. It means you become focused.
THEY SENT FOR HIM FOUR TIMES
Here is where the story becomes even more powerful.
Nechemyah 6:4 says, “Yet they sent unto me four times after this sort; and I answered them after the same manner.”
Four times.
Sanballat did not stop because Nechemyah said no once.
That is important.
Sometimes people believe that if they establish a boundary correctly, the other person will immediately respect it.
Not necessarily.
Some people test boundaries.
Some people push again.
Some people change their approach.
Some people believe persistence will eventually wear you down.
Nechemyah teaches us something powerful: You do not have to invent a new answer every time somebody refuses to accept the old one.
He answered them after the same manner.
Write this down: Consistency is what turns a stated boundary into an established boundary.
You said no yesterday.
It can still be no today.
You explained what you will not participate in.
You do not have to renegotiate because somebody dislikes your decision.
Difficult people sometimes interpret your consistency as stubbornness because they benefited from your inconsistency.
Stay on the wall.
WHEN THE INVITATION FAILED, THE ACCUSATION CAME
Then Sanballat changed tactics.
When Nechemyah would not come down, Sanballat sent an open letter containing accusations. He claimed that Nechemyah was rebuilding the wall because he wanted to become king.
Look at the progression.
First came the invitation.
When the invitation failed, accusation followed.
That happens.
When difficult people cannot control your actions, some will attempt to control the narrative about your actions.
They may misrepresent your motives.
They may tell people you changed.
They may call your boundary disrespect.
They may call your focus selfishness.
They may interpret your distance as hatred.
They may create an explanation for your behavior that protects their version of events.
Nechemyah could have panicked.
Instead, he answered in Nechemyah 6:8, “There are no such things done as thou sayest, but thou feignest them out of thine own heart.”
He corrected the lie.
Then he returned to the work.
Write this down: Correcting misinformation does not require becoming consumed by misinformation.
There is a difference between addressing something and becoming obsessed with it.
Sometimes correction is necessary. But after you have spoken truth, go back to building.
STOP TRYING TO CONTROL WHAT EVERYBODY THINKS ABOUT YOU
This is one of the greatest freedoms you can learn.
You cannot control everybody’s interpretation of you.
You can live honestly, communicate clearly, act with integrity, apologize when you are wrong, correct misinformation when necessary, and somebody may still decide to misunderstand you.
Let them be responsible for that.
Your responsibility is integrity.
Write this down: I am responsible for my character; I am not responsible for everybody’s opinion of my character.
If you spend your life trying to control every person’s perception of you, difficult people will always have a leash attached to your attention.
All they have to do is say something inaccurate and you come running down from the wall.
Stop coming down.
DO NOT GIVE CRITICS MORE ATTENTION THAN YAHUAH
Sometimes we spend more time thinking about what critics said than what YAHUAH said.
YAHUAH gave the assignment.
One person questioned it.
Now suddenly the person’s question is louder than YAHUAH’s instruction.
Something is wrong with that.
If YAHUAH has clearly instructed you, you cannot require universal human approval before obeying Him.
People may misunderstand your season.
They may not understand why you changed.
They may not understand why you stopped participating in certain things.
They may not understand why your priorities shifted.
They may not understand why you became less available.
They may not understand why your answer is now no.
But if your decisions are being governed by obedience, wisdom, and Scripture, everybody does not have to understand.
Write this down: People do not have to approve what YAHUAH authorized.
SOME DISTRACTIONS ARE REALLY TESTS OF FOCUS
The enemy does not always need to stop your purpose if he can keep interrupting it.
Think about that.
If every week you lose two days emotionally recovering from unnecessary conflict, how much purpose is being lost?
If every criticism sends you into isolation, how much work stops?
If every difficult person occupies your thoughts while you should be praying, studying, building, creating, serving, planning, parenting, healing, or preparing, how much attention is being stolen?
That is why focus is spiritual warfare.
Write this down: Whatever consistently steals my focus deserves examination.
The issue may not merely be that somebody is difficult.
The issue may be that you have given their difficulty too much access to your attention.
PROTECT YOUR ASSIGNMENT FROM EMOTIONAL DISTRACTION
You can physically leave a difficult person and still carry them mentally everywhere you go.
You are at work thinking about them.
You are eating thinking about them.
You are driving having imaginary arguments with them.
You are trying to pray and suddenly giving YAHUAH a forty-five-minute recap of what they did.
At some point, release it.
You have already prayed.
You established the boundary.
You responded with wisdom.
You surrendered them to YAHUAH.
Now return your attention to your assignment.
Write this down: Physical distance without mental release can still leave a difficult person controlling your life.
Guard your mind.
Your attention is valuable.
DO NOT WASTE YEARS TRYING TO WIN APPROVAL
Some people have spent years trying to prove themselves to someone who decided long ago not to celebrate them.
That is exhausting.
You accomplish something and wonder what they think.
YAHUAH opens a door and you wonder whether they approve.
You grow, but you keep checking whether they noticed.
You are building your future while emotionally looking over your shoulder.
Stop.
Not everybody assigned to your life is assigned to applaud you.
Some people may never understand your calling.
Some may never celebrate your growth.
Some may even prefer the version of you that required less from them.
Your responsibility is not to convince everybody that YAHUAH has called you.
Your responsibility is to answer the call.
Write this down: Approval is too expensive when the price is obedience.
PAUL SAID PRESS FORWARD
Philippians 3:13-14 gives us another powerful picture: “Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark.”
There is movement in that language.
Reaching.
Pressing.
Moving forward.
You cannot press forward while constantly turning backward to argue.
There are people behind you who will continue talking.
Let them talk while you press.
There are situations you cannot change.
Release them while you press.
There are misunderstandings you cannot completely resolve.
Entrust them to YAHUAH while you press.
There are relationships that may never return to what they were.
Grieve them, heal, and press.
Write this down: I can acknowledge what happened without allowing what happened to become where I live.
DIFFICULT PEOPLE CAN TEACH YOU SOMETHING
Before we close, understand that difficult people are not always useless encounters.
Sometimes they reveal where you need stronger boundaries.
Sometimes they expose emotional wounds that still need healing.
Sometimes they teach you patience.
Sometimes they teach you discernment.
Sometimes they show you where you have been too dependent upon approval.
Sometimes they force you to develop communication skills.
Sometimes they reveal how much more self-control YAHUAH wants to produce within you.
Even an unpleasant relationship can produce useful wisdom when surrendered to YAHUAH.
Write this down: I will take the lesson without carrying the offense.
That is maturity.
You do not have to become bitter to become wiser.
LOVE THEM WITHOUT LEAVING YOUR ASSIGNMENT
Everything we have taught throughout this series must remain balanced.
Difficult people are still people.
They are still human beings created by YAHUAH.
Some are wounded.
Some are immature.
Some are afraid.
Some are acting from experiences you know nothing about.
Some genuinely do not realize the damage they create.
Others know exactly what they are doing.
Wisdom determines how you deal with each one.
But no matter which type you encounter, do not allow their behavior to transform you into someone YAHUAH did not call you to become.
Love without becoming foolish.
Forgive without abandoning boundaries.
Pray without trying to control.
Speak truth without becoming cruel.
Create distance without hatred when distance is necessary.
And continue your assignment.
Write this down: I can love difficult people without giving difficult people control over my purpose.
REMEMBER THE SIX LESSONS
Throughout this teaching, YAHUAH has shown us how to deal with difficult people without allowing difficult people to govern our lives.
We learned first that people are not the real enemy. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, and recognizing the spiritual dimension of conflict prevents us from turning people into targets of hatred.
We learned that we must master our emotions. If somebody can control your emotional state, they can influence your behavior. Through the Ruach Ha’Qodesh, we learn to respond rather than react.
We learned to establish healthy boundaries. Loving everybody does not require giving everybody unrestricted access to our time, emotions, energy, or private life.
We learned to respond with wisdom rather than foolishness. Not every accusation deserves an answer, not every argument deserves participation, and sometimes silence is the strongest response available.
We learned to pray for people instead of assuming responsibility for changing them. Human hearts belong to YAHUAH. We can love, speak, pray, encourage, and establish boundaries, but transformation belongs to Him.
And finally, we learned to stay focused on the assignment. Difficult people cannot be allowed to consume the time, attention, emotional energy, and spiritual focus YAHUAH gave us for purpose.
When these six truths become part of your life, difficult people may still be difficult, but they will no longer possess the same ability to control you.
YOUR FINAL DECLARATION
Declare this over yourself: “I will not come down.”
When offense calls, I will not come down.
When criticism calls, I will not come down.
When unnecessary arguments call, I will not come down.
When somebody misunderstands my boundary, I will not come down.
When somebody tries to make their dysfunction my responsibility, I will not come down.
When accusation attempts to distract me, I will not come down.
I am doing a great work.
YAHUAH has given me an assignment.
My time belongs to that assignment.
My attention belongs to that assignment.
My gifts belong to that assignment.
My obedience belongs to YAHUAH.
I will love people.
I will pray for people.
I will forgive people.
I will speak truth.
I will establish boundaries.
I will receive correction when I am wrong.
I will seek wisdom before I respond.
But I will not abandon my purpose to participate in unnecessary conflict.
I AM DOING A GREAT WORK, AND I CANNOT COME DOWN.
FINAL PRAYER
YAHUAH, thank You for Your wisdom concerning relationships and difficult people. Search our hearts and reveal every place where offense, bitterness, pride, anger, fear, people-pleasing, or the desire for control has influenced the way we respond to others. Give us the wisdom to recognize that flesh and blood are not the true enemy, and teach us to see people through eyes of discernment rather than hatred.
Ruach Ha’Qodesh, govern our emotions. Teach us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Place a guard over our mouths when emotions rise. Give us the wisdom to know when to speak, when to remain silent, when to confront, when to forgive, when to establish boundaries, and when to walk away.
YAHUAH, deliver us from believing that we are responsible for changing people. We surrender every difficult person into Your hands. Reach the places in their hearts that our words cannot reach. Heal what is wounded, expose what is hidden, correct what is wrong, soften what has become hardened, and draw them into Your truth according to Your perfect wisdom.
At the same time, search us. Do not allow us to become so focused on another person’s faults that we become blind to our own. Correct us where correction is needed. Heal us where we have been wounded. Mature us where we have been immature. Strengthen our boundaries where they have been weak, and soften our hearts wherever pain has made us hard.
Most importantly, Father, keep our eyes upon the work You have placed before us. Do not allow criticism, offense, misunderstanding, rejection, gossip, arguments, or difficult personalities to pull us down from the wall. Restore every ounce of energy we have wasted fighting unnecessary battles. Restore our focus. Restore our peace. Restore our discipline. Restore our joy in the assignment.
Let the words of Nechemyah become resident within our spirits: “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down.”
May we finish what You have assigned to our hands. May we love people without becoming controlled by people. May we walk in compassion without abandoning wisdom. May we forgive without returning to dysfunction. May we establish boundaries without bitterness. May we speak truth without cruelty. May we remain humble enough to receive correction and strong enough to reject manipulation.
And when our assignment is complete, may we be able to look back and say that difficult people did not destroy our character, steal our peace, harden our hearts, or prevent us from finishing what YAHUAH called us to do.
We will remain on the wall.
We will continue building.
We will continue obeying.
We will continue loving.
We will continue praying.
And by Your grace, we will finish the work.
In the mighty Name of Yahusha Ha’Mashiach, we pray.
Amein.
No comments:
Post a Comment