THE SELF-ABSORBED TONGUE

The Self-Absorbed Tongue

Each of you should look not only to your own

interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:4




Haman, a Persian government official mentioned

in the book of Esther, was self-absorption personi-

fied.“Haman boasted to [his friends and wife] about

his vast wealth, his many sons, and all the ways the

king had honored him and how he had elevated him

above the other nobles and officials” (Esther 5:11).




On and on he went. Throughout the entire account

of his life, we never see him express interest in anyone other than himself. Like Haman’s family and friends, some people perpetuate this kind of insensitivity by grinning and bearing it, though they may be ever so bored.




Are most of your conversations with others cen-

tered on you and your issues? A self-absorbed tongue will surely alienate others as almost everyone desires to be the focus of attention occasionally.




I had an acquaintance with whom I spoke regularly with the hope of mutually sharing our individual concerns. It didn’t take long before I realized

that there was nothing mutual about our exchange.

The minute I would mention one of my personal

concerns, she would immediately identify with it

through her own experience and suddenly the focus

of the discussion was all about her. This happened

time after time. I found this very frustrating as I never

felt that I had the opportunity to share my issues. A

few times I gently told her,“I really need you to listen

to me right now.” Trying to have a close relationship

with a self-absorbed person is like trying to hug a

porcupine.




Become aware of this character flaw in your communication. Ask God to make you genuinely interested in others. My friend Frank Wilson, who wrote or produced numerous gold albums for Motown Records before devoting his life to God, is such a person. He can talk to someone for an extended time and maintain a genuine interest in him. Despite his many accomplishments, he never seems to find a reason to inform his hearers of them. I have watched him interact with people of various economic and social levels. Without allowing his eyes to dart around the room looking for a more important person to engage, he focuses on the person at hand. Every part of him appears to say, “I am interested in what you are telling me.” People love being in his presence.




If you find yourself involved with a self-absorbed

person, try asking him to give you some advice or

input about an issue that does not involve him. If

he attempts to direct the conversation to himself,

quickly acknowledge his concern about the matter

but change the subject to something that is not about

him. For instance, you may say, “I’m sure that this

issue really concerns you. Did you hear about…?”




If he persists, you would do well to muster the

courage to say,“I really don’t want to talk about that

today.” Y ou may need to be a broken record as you

attempt these strategies. After all, self-absorption dies hard.




If you admit to being the self-absorbed type, turn

your desires for attention, ego boosting, and other

selfish needs over to your Heavenly Shepherd, who

supplies all your needs. Make a conscientious effort

to become “others-absorbed.” Challenge yourself to

go a whole day or more without making your issues

the focus of your communication. Give everyone you converse with your full attention, and watch your

relationships deepen.




Today’s Affirmation:

I look not only to my own interests,

but to the interest of others. Therefore,

my issues are not the primary topic of

my conversations