THE TACTLESS TONGUE

The Tactless Tongue

Let your conversation be gracious and effective so

that you will have the right answer for everyone.

Colossians 4:6







Daniel and his three cohorts faced a real dilemma.

Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, had besieged their city and taken the inhabitants captive. He selected several handsome and intelligent young men of nobility who were to serve in his court once they completed a three-year training curriculum. The

problem was that the king’s nutritional program

would require them to violate their strict kosher diet.

Without any hint of rebelliousness, Daniel skillfully

finessed his way out of his predicament.




Daniel purposed in his heart that he would

not defile himself with the portion of the

king’s delicacies, nor with the wine which he

drank; therefore he requested of the chief of the eunuchs that he might not defile him-

self (Daniel 1:8).




Notice that Daniel very tactfully requested per-

mission to follow an alternative eating plan—even

though he had already decided that under no cir-

cumstance was he going to partake of such defiled

provisions. God gave him favor with the head

training official, who agreed to let him follow a veg-

etarian diet. Lesson learned: We will always get more mileage from diplomacy than tactlessness.

I confess that being diplomatic is something I

have to work at often. My direct, honest communi-

cation style has gotten me in more hot water than I

care to admit. While honesty is indeed the best

policy, it is not a license to say whatever we want.

One of the most important skills we can develop is

the ability to deal with others with sensitivity and

to speak inoffensively when we find ourselves in difficult or problematic situations.




You would think that exhibiting graciousness

would be an easy task for one who claims to be filled

with the grace of God. Sometimes our lack of graciousness results from the communication styles we saw modeled when we were children. One of the

people who influenced my life the most was an indi-

rect communicator who tolerated the harsh words directed her way. Consequently, people often took

advantage of her kind manner. I swore I would never

be so tentative in my communication and would

strive to be extremely clear in saying what I meant

and meaning what I said. The Holy Spirit continues

to bring balance in this area as I have acknowledged

and repented of this emotional baggage. I am fully

persuaded that only the grace of God can empower

me to trash it.




Is it ever necessary to be brutally honest? After

all, can’t we be honest without being brutal? Even

Job declared in the midst of his suffering, “How

painful are honest words!” (Job 6:25). Must pain

always accompany the truth? The extent to which a

person experiences pain from being told the truth

depends on numerous variables, including his

degree of emotional security, his perceived worth, or

his desire to grow.




We must understand that extending grace and

telling the truth are not mutually exclusive concepts.

We can tell the truth tactfully.“For the law was given

through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus

Christ” (John 1:17). Yahusha never allowed His gra-

ciousness to prevent Him from imparting the truth.

What about mean-spirited truthfulness? Have

you ever been intentionally tactless? I have. However, when I have reflected on the situation later, I realized that even though I spoke words of truth, at the root of my actions were anger, frustration, disappointment, or retaliation. It was William Blake who said,“A truth that’s told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.” Of course, it is understood that we must always be quick to apologize for our intentional and unintentional tactlessness.




The key is to develop a habit of being tactful in

every situation. I heard a story about a woman who

went on a business trip and left her husband, Tom,

with the responsibility of taking care of their cat and

her live-in mother. She called home daily to see how

things were going. After the third day, Tom informed

her that the cat had eased out of the house a couple

of days earlier and managed to climb onto the roof.

He had tried in vain for several hours to coax him

down. Frightened, the cat had jumped and sustained

serious injury. The local veterinarian was doing all

that he could for him. Filled with anxiety, the woman

called the next day to get a status report on her

beloved Mimi. Her husband, without finesse or

feeling, simply told her, “The cat is dead.” She was

appalled at his insensitivity. She had to confront it.

“I can’t believe you are so tactless! When I called the

first day, you could have said, ‘Honey, the cat is on the roof.’ The second day you could have said, ‘The

cat is at the vet and things aren’t looking too good.’

Today you could have said,‘Honey, our cat died. I’m

so sorry.’ You are impossible!” Having expressed her

frustration, she calmly inquired, “By the way, how

is Mother?” Tom slowly responded, “She’s on the

roof…”




Yes, becoming a tactful person does indeed

require some practice. And like Tom, we may not bat

a thousand right away. When we find ourselves about to say something tactless, however, we can do what the Federal Communications Commission sometimes mandates broadcasters to do—delay transmission. We can review the words in our minds and evaluate their impact. We can then choose to yield to the Holy Spirit’s leading. This practice alone will help us to develop the emotional discipline necessary for stifling tactless remarks.




Today’s Affirmation:

My words are seasoned with grace as

I speak the truth in love.