THE SILENT TONGUE

The Silent Tongue




There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven…

a time to be silent and a time to speak.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,7




I heard a story about a husband and wife who

were feuding and giving each other the silent treat-

ment. One night he realized he needed her to wake

him up at an early hour to catch a flight. Not wanting

to humble himself and be the first to break the silence, he left her a note to wake him at 5 A.M. The next morning he awakened to find out that he had overslept by a couple of hours and had missed his flight.




As he leaped out of bed to go and angrily confront

her, he noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand.

The note read, “It is 5 A.M. Wake up!”

Not all silence is golden. I have devoted the pre-

vious chapters to encourage you to abstain from var-

ious negative uses of the tongue. By now you may have concluded you will never be able to say more

than a few words for the rest of your life if you are

to tame the little unruly member that sets the course

of your destiny. If you have decided a vow of silence

is your only hope, read on.

Talking is absolutely essential to maintaining

effective relationships. As a child, your parents or

teachers may have drilled into you the proverb that

“silence is golden.” The truth is that this is a half-

quoted proverb. The complete saying is, “Speech is

silver, silence is golden.” While keeping one’s mouth

shut is a great virtue, effective communication is to

a relationship what oxygen is to the body. To say

“speech is silver” implies that speaking has signifi-

cant value. Silver was once a primary medium of

exchange, just as currency is today. It was used to

trade one value for another. When we talk, it should

be an exchange of valuable information. All the pre-

vious chapters of this book have highlighted various

types of negative communications that provided no

value. Let’s now focus on those instances in which

silence has no value.

Silence is not golden when one uses it as a pas-

sive, retaliatory means of expressing his anger or dis-

pleasure with a situation. In fact, such silence is a direct violation of our Lord’s command to confront

those who offend us.

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against

thee, go and tell him his fault between thee

and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast

gained thy brother ( : -‒).

Jesus is recommending pretty assertive behavior

in commanding us to take the initiative in addressing

an offense or a trespass. Trespassing is an unautho-

rized crossing of a boundary. Many times we may feel

we have been trespassed or wronged, but rather than

discussing the issue with the offender, we resort to

sulking and pouting. Women are especially prone to

keeping silent as most have been socialized to think

it is unladylike to be so direct as to say, “I was

offended by your actions. Please don’t do that again.”

Unfortunately, this lack of communication leaves

many offenders totally unaware that their behavior

has negatively affected us. Thus, they are more likely

to repeat the offense.

Silence is not golden when we refuse to defend

someone against unwarranted criticism or vicious

rumors. We cannot let our fear of alienation or

rejection cause us to allow slander and character

assassinations when we are well aware of facts to

the contrary. I recently found myself coming to the

defense of a person who I knew had accused me

falsely to several of my acquaintances. This could

have been my opportunity to “pay her back,” but I

knew she was innocent of the charges being made.

Without hesitation I told the accuser so. I felt that

it made God smile.

Silence is not golden when it results in us making

an undesirable decision by default. After all, silence

can indicate consent. Prayer was taken out of public

schools in the United States because the majority

kept quiet and did not protest. In the book of

Numbers, Moses reiterated that silence is indeed con-

sent. He gave instructions on how to deal with single

women who made vows:




When a young woman still living in her

father’s house makes a vow to the LORD or

obligates herself by a pledge and her father

hears about her vow or pledge but says

nothing to her, then all her vows and every

pledge by which she obligated herself will

stand. But if her father forbids her when he

hears about it, none of her vows or the

pledges by which she obligated herself will

stand; the LORD will release her because

her father has forbidden her (Numbers 30:3-5). He went on to instruct in verses 10-15 that the

same rules applied to a married woman. Her vow was to stand if her husband failed to protest it in a timely manner. His silence gave consent to her actions.




A Japanese proverb states,“Silent worms dig holes

in the walls.” To keep silent when one should be

speaking is a sure way to dig holes in your relation-

ships.




Today’s Affirmation

I will not keep silent when I should be

speaking