WHAT IS A REAL MAN????

Genesis Chapter 1







Today we are walking in: What Is A Real Man???







Today we look to the word- MAN- H120- 'adam-ruddy i.e. a human being (an individual or the species, mankind, etc.)









The Torah Testifies……….




Genesis 1:27




So God created man H120 in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.







The Prophets Proclaim………





Isaiah 17:7




At that day shall a man H120 look to his Maker, and his eyes shall have respect to the Holy One of Israel.






Jeremiah 5:1




Run ye to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem, and see now, and know, and seek in the broad places thereof, if ye can find a man H120, if there be any that executeth judgment, that seeketh the truth; and I will pardon it.







The Writings Witness………





Proverbs 7:7




And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man H120 void of understanding,






Proverbs 9:9




Give instruction to a wise man H120, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.







Biology Is No Longer as Great a Factor





Biology doesn‘t determine male-female roles and functions the way it used to. Today, because of the prevalence of both dual careers and birth control, a husband and wife might choose not to have children. Also, because of the widespread idea that fertility is a woman‘s business alone, the woman will often tell the man when or if they will have a baby. Even if they do have a child, that doesn‘t necessarily mean that the wife will stay home to take care of the baby all day or every day. Daycare and other childcare options enable her to work at a job outside the home either part- time or full-time.





This change is bringing new kinds of stresses to the family. If daycare workers or nannies are bringing up the children, sometimes the children don‘t really know their parents. Also, the parents don‘t always know what the baby-sitter is doing or teaching the children while they are at work. Essentially, this means that the children are being brought up by people whom the parents cannot be sure of.





In addition, since a woman‘s childbearing and childrearing was what formerly brought her honor from her husband, the man now has to find another way to honor his wife. Because of the traditional pattern, when a wife demands honor from her husband today, he sometimes thinks, ―Well, what are you doing to earn it?




Twenty-first century relationships are difficult.





We Are No Longer in Survival Mode





Most of us don‘t focus on survival and protection the way people used to. This is not to say that we don‘t face economic challenges and job-related stress, but the physical risk is not the same. We‘re not out hunting food and facing the elements just to stay alive. We have twenty-four- hour-a-day grocery stores and microwave ovens. While we live in an uncertain world where there are still dangers, the physical environment is much friendlier now than it was for our forefathers. Today, a man will leave the house in the morning dressed in his three-piece suit as he drives his Lexus to work as a doctor in a fancy office. The physical risk is gone for most people.





One of the differences between the old and the new ways is that, when people get married, they often already have most of what they need, instead of having to struggle for it. Moreover, the woman is no longer dependent on the man to provide for her after they marry. Because the traditional role of provider is ingrained in many men, this situation can be unsettling to a man.





For example, a man will meet a woman and discover that she already owns material possessions. Because she has been working for a while, she makes more money than he does and drives an expensive car. She owns a condominium, a thirty-five inch television, a refrigerator, and the food in it. She can buy her own gas for her car. She has it all worked out, and then he says he wants to marry her and take care of her. How is she going to depend on him? She has money in the bank. What is the man going to give her? She isn‘t looking for survival and protection; she‘s independent, and so her expectations in regard to men and marriage are totally different.





Some women wonder, How am I supposed to be submissive when I make more money than my husband, and the house and furniture are mine? In other words, she‘s saying to the man, You have to earn the right for me to submit to you by giving me something I haven‘t already given you. That‘s a tough statement for a man to hear. So the man says, Well, I can‘t give you anything because you owned more than I did from the very beginning. How does a woman submit to somebody whom she believes she is supporting? It‘s a difficult situation for both men and women. But it‘s the world we live in.





Do you wonder why divorces are so common these days? One reason is that a woman can now tell a man straight and fast, If you can‘t take care of this properly, I‘m going to leave. My mother had eleven children. When she had a problem, she couldn‘t say to my father, I‘m going to leave you. Where was she going to go? She had no professional or academic training, no preparation for a job outside the home. The home was her life.





Independence is a relatively new situation for women, and men are still learning to cope with the change. In many ways, the woman has taken over not only the man‘s traditional role of provider, but also that of protector. She has mace, she has a gun in her purse, and she has a cell phone to call the police instantly. So what does the man do? He says, I‘m your protector, and she says, I don‘t need you to protect

me. It‘s a different world. Men don‘t know what they‘re supposed to do for women anymore.





Roles and Skills Are Less Compartmentalized





Men and women used to exist in different spheres. A man‘s sphere was work and survival. The woman‘s world was the home and children. There was no confusion of roles. They knew exactly where they were supposed to be.





A woman leaving the home and entering the workplace means that the home is no longer kept by her specifically. The man isn‘t sure what his job in the home is, and the woman isn‘t sure what her job in the home is. They‘re confused.





Your father used to bring home the beef, but now your wife is bringing home not only the beef but the cow. Besides that, she owned two cows before you married her. She doesn‘t want any beef from you; she already has beef.





If both husband and wife are now bringing home the beef, then who‘s the provider? That‘s a problematic question for men. If both are paying the mortgage, then who‘s putting the roof over their heads? Your father was considered the owner of his house because he bought and paid for it. Today, the house doesn‘t belong to the man. It belongs to both the man and the woman.





Some men wonder how their fathers used to be the man of the house. Now, if a man puts his foot down, his wife will put her foot down, too. The things men were taught no longer work. Your father says, Put her in her place. You say, But the place belongs to her. Show her who wears the pants in the family. But she wears pants, too!





Many couples face difficult economic situations that require both of them to work to make ends meet. However, the cultural shift of women going to college, pursuing careers, and delaying marriage has made significant changes in family life.




For example, a man may say, Honey, you have to bring up the children, and she‘ll say, No, I‘m going to work. Why? I want to use my education, and I want a certain standard of living that requires a double salary, so I‘m going to work. He says, But who will bring up the kids? You are the child-bearer and the child-nurturer. Her answer is, My employer has a daycare center. I‘m taking the job.





What does a man do when his wife makes more money than he does, and he believes he‘s supposed to be the provider and protector of the home? He‘s frustrated and even ashamed. That‘s one of the reasons why there‘s so much quarreling in our modern marriages. We keep arguing over who‘s supposed to do what.





These and other similar situations have changed our perspectives dramatically and altered our traditional roles. The male isn‘t sure what a man is anymore, and the female isn‘t sure what a woman is anymore. This change has caused tension for women as well as men.





For instance, some woman actually feel guilty when they say, I‘m a homemaker. Do you think that in your parents‘ or grandparents‘ time, people asked a woman, So, what do you do? The question never came up. But today, almost every woman is asked what she does. In other words, we know what she doesn’t do. She doesn‘t just stay home and bring up children with the implication that this is something to be ashamed of.





It used to be much easier for the woman who stayed at home with her children. She had support in this role because every woman in the neighborhood was at home. Today, people think something is wrong with a woman if she is a homemaker. They think things like: What‘s the matter with her? Is she lazy? or She‘s not very creative, or She must not be smart enough to have a career, or She needs to get a life. The idea is being promoted in society that only dumb women stay home.




The results of changing gender roles can be distressing for both men and women.




People are confused about how to act in this new world. It has become a psychological dilemma for them. Many are feeling tense and displaced, and they are trying to figure out what is wrong with them. I‘ll tell you right now what is wrong: it‘s simply a different world.





Independence Has Changed the Parameters of Appreciation





Increasingly independent, self-sufficient, contemporary women no longer feel the need for men to provide for and protect them. This is a problem for men. They‘re trying to get along in a relationship, and they‘re not sure who is responsible for what. For example, a boy takes a girl out for lunch, and he looks at her and says, Are you going to pay for yours? Thirty years ago, the man automatically paid. Why? It was the man‘s job to be the provider. But now if a man takes a woman to dinner, and he finds he doesn‘t have enough money, she reaches into her purse and says, I‘ll make up for it. He feels shame, but she‘s not ashamed, because she has the money. And guess what? She still likes him. She likes him because she feels there aren‘t too many good men around anyway.




The independence of women is diminishing men‘s traditional value to them. Historically, men have always died at an earlier age than women. Why? They had to go out into the cold and sleet in the winter, even if they were coughing with tuberculosis, in order to provide for the family. They were the sole element of survival for the family. This is why women valued them. Sometimes, when a woman reveals that her husband is abusing her, and she‘s asked, Why don‘t you leave him? She‘ll reply, I can‘t do that. That‘s a deep answer. There are certain things about him she values.




If a man spent every day risking his life to protect you and the children and to provide for you, then how are you going to feel about him? Obviously, you are going to esteem him highly, because you know what he‘s doing to take care of the family. That is why it was natural for your mother, even when your father didn‘t always act right, to love and honor him. He was valuable to her.




Today, however, this is not necessarily the case. When a man shows interest in a woman, she may tell him, Now, let me tell you this right up front: if you can‘t cut the mustard, you can leave whenever you‘re ready. And if we get married, I want you to sign a prenuptial agreement so that everything I bring into this marriage will stay mine if the marriage ends. Women don‘t value men in the way that they used to because the needs men used to supply are now being supplied by the women themselves. Some husbands are afraid of their wives because they think their wives don‘t need them.




Another significant change is that, for the first time in recorded history, men and women look to one another primarily for love and companionship rather than survival and protection. Our priorities as human beings have changed. People are looking for something more in their relationships. Happiness, intimacy, and lasting passion are now requirements for a relationship. Yet understanding how to provide these things often does not come easy for a man.




Happiness




The male‘s traditional roles are not enough to make his partner happy anymore. Women want companionship andattention in order to be happy. My father couldn‘t take my mother for walks or out to dinner at a restaurant. There was no time for it. He made my mother happy just by making sure that the family had clothing, running water, and so on.




What can men do to make women happy today? That‘s the challenge. Have you ever heard a man say, What does a woman want? In the past, men used to tell their wives, Woman, what else do you want from me? I put a roof over your head and food in the kitchen. Remember when men said that? Those days are over.




Intimacy




When the man risked his life to give his wife food and protection, then intimacy, sensitivity, and good communication skills were not an issue. The woman didn‘t say, Honey, you have to learn the psychological and emotional instability of a woman going through menstruation. A man didn‘t have time to learn to get along with a woman. Again, when he arrived home, it was dark, he was tired, and all he wanted was food and sex. The house was his, the food was his, and the rationale was, It‘s time to pay up. But nowadays, women want intimacy and communication. Talk to me. You haven‘t told me you love me all day. That‘s the way women think today. You looked at everybody else except me. You didn‘t notice my dress. Listen, the caveman didn‘t have time to look at any dress. He was too busy trying to survive. But the world has changed.




Did your parents or grandparents ever talk about PMS? They were probably too busy to talk about it, and people even husbands and wives weren‘t as open about such topics. Now, the social atmosphere has changed, and we have more time to think about these things. These days, a woman might say, Don‘t touch me now; I‘m going through my cycle. My hormones are out of balance. A man now has to study what mood his wife is in. When you‘re just trying to survive, you‘re not thinking in terms of moods. It wasn‘t necessarily a better way of life, but it was definitely a different way. Men are still trying to figure out how to build intimacy and communication into their relationships.




A woman may wonder why her husband has problems talking with her. He doesn‘t know what to say, and she doesn‘t realize what he‘s going through. For example, suppose she has a fantastic job, a leadership job, an administrative job and he has a lesser job. She comes home and tries to talk to him at dinner. What do they talk about? She‘s conversing on a highly intellectual level, and he‘s not there yet, because his job doesn‘t require him to stretch that far. So she says a couple of sentences, and he‘s intimidated. He says to himself, Oh, that‘s a big word she used. He doesn‘t know what to do, because his leadership role seems to have diminished.




In this challenging time in our culture, women need to show understanding to the men in their lives. For example, suppose a woman marries a man, and they are settled in their house, and she says to him, Be a man. He says, Okay...how? His back is against the wall. He used to know what that meant, but not any longer. So she says things like, Be my spiritual head. He looks at her blankly. My father was a caveman. He taught me that the Bible and community are for weaklings. So I‘m really not much into being in the community. I‘ll go to please you, but if that makes me a man, it‘s going to take a while. He doesn‘t understand spiritual matters as well as she does because he was taught that religion is for women.




So she says, Comfort me, and he says, How? He didn‘t receive that kind of training from his father. She says, Show me affection, and he says, Oh, no. How do you spell that? She says, Be sentimental, and he says, Sentamen- who? What is that? He doesn‘t understand what she means.




What do many women do in this situation? They become angry. Just be a man! How? Provide for me! But you make more money than I do. The man is confused. He doesn‘t realize she wants him to provide for her emotional needs or if he does understand, he doesn‘t know how to fulfill those needs. Men need patience and understanding from their wives.




Passion




Passion is also necessary for today‘s relationships.




Remember that, in the old days, the man would just ask, Woman, are you ready or not? There were no romantic preliminaries. He‘d say, Tarzan ready for Jane. Jane ready? Okay, bring it on. That was it.




Now, however, women want men to turn the lights down, bring scented candles into the room, and put flowers everywhere. The men say, What‘s going on here? You have to work for it now, men. It‘s hard work!




These days, women want men to start romancing them in the morning make them breakfast, run the bathwater for them, take them out to lunch, call them five times to tell them they love them, pick them up in a limousine and take them out for a nice dinner then they might be rewarded that night. There‘s no guarantee, but they won‘t be rewarded without working for it.




Male-Female Relationships Have Become a Mystery




In many aspects of life, therefore, the roles and relationships of men and women have completely changed in the last few decades. This putting aside of traditional male roles seems frightening and even dangerous to many men because they don‘t know where it leaves them. They feel there‘s now a

great deal of mystery in the relationships between men and women, and they don‘t know what to expect. I can empathize with what they‘re going through. Studying this topic has made me realize that we‘re really in a cultural dilemma. I feel for men. They don‘t know what to do. If you are a woman, you need to understand that men are really in trouble.




I have tried to give you a picture of what changing gender roles have done to throw men off balance, so that you can see the nature of the dilemma they‘re facing. Some of the scenarios I‘ve given are humorous, but the problems males are facing are serious because they have to do with purpose and identity. They are serious because confusion over purpose will sideline and even destroy people‘s lives.




Roles versus Purpose




All this ultimately comes down to what males use as a basis for their self-worth and identity. Because men have linked their identity to their roles, now that the roles have changed, they have left themselves no basis for manhood. Whatever they replace their old idea of masculinity with may or may not be a true or fulfilling role for them. What is more troubling, when men don‘t understand their place in the world, they will often either withdraw from it or use their influence in harmful ways, such as committing crimes.




What can men do to regain their footing and identity?




First, they must adopt an entirely new way of thinking. They need to think in terms of purpose rather than roles. The reason they are having problems today is that they have been basing their worth on the wrong thing all along. Roles have never been the true basis of a male‘s identity and purpose. Roles can be helpful or harmful, but ultimately they merely reflect culture and tradition.




What men really need to discover is their underlying purpose, which transcends culture and tradition. A man‘s position and actions must flow out of his purpose, not the other way around. That is why the answer to the male‘s dilemma is not just to adjust to changing times although some of this will be needed but to discover the inherent purpose of the male. Since we live in a confused society, the knowledge of what it means to be a true man cannot be acquired by observing the culture around us. Males need an understanding of themselves that is not overly influenced by societal trends in short, by someone else‘s image of them. Where, then, can we go for answers? One of the themes we‘ll keep returning to in this series is that the purpose of something can be found only in the mind of its maker. Men therefore need a Yah-given identity if they are to fulfill their true purpose. We must learn what Yah originally intended for them. To do this, we must go back and rediscover the Creator‘s original plan for both men and women.




Once more, we must realize that when men are ignorant of their true identity, it affects not only their own callings and fulfillment, but also that of their families and of society as a whole. This is because Yah has given males a unique leadership influence. As the man goes, so goes the family, society, and the world. I believe that if we don‘t address the male‘s identity crisis, our whole generation is in trouble. There‘s no escaping this fact.




The answer for males in the twenty-first century is therefore to




• Define their worth based on Yah‘s purpose, rather than society‘s roles.




• Learn Yah‘s vision for their lives.




• Continue to live in the truth of who they were created to be.




If males understand the purpose and responsibilities Yah has given them and the true design of their relationship with females, they can be free to fulfill their destiny and potential. They can be the men they were created to be.




If you are a man, you don‘t need to be confused about your identity and place in life, regardless of the conflicting signals society is currently sending out. You will find fresh vision and direction in rediscovering Yah‘s purposes for both males and females. Through this knowledge, men can be and do more than they ever imagined, and women can gain a new understanding and appreciation for men while enabling them to fulfill their calling.




What is a real man? Someone who knows the reality of who he is and who lives in that reality. This knowledge starts with understanding the significance of being created purposefully by Yah.




Principles




1. Males have traditionally defined their manhood by their roles.




2. Historically, men and women had established roles that didn‘t overlap.




3. Relationships are different for men and women now that we no longer depend on one another for security and survival.




4. Men are in a crisis of identity and purpose.




5. Confusion over purpose will sideline and even destroy a person‘s life.




6. If a man links his identity to his roles, when the roles change, he gives himself no basis for manhood.




7. A man‘s identity is found in his purpose, not in his roles.




8. Men‘s underlying purpose transcends culture and tradition.




9. Knowledge of what it means to be a true man cannot be acquired by observing the confused culture around us.




10. The purpose of something can be found only in the mind of its maker.




11. Men need a Yah-given identity if they are to fulfill their true purpose.




12. When men are ignorant of their true identity, it affects not only their own callings and fulfillment, but also that of their families and of society as a whole. This is because, as the man goes, so goes the family, society, and the world.




13. A real man is someone who knows the reality of who he is and who lives in that reality.