MENTORSHIP IS BY AGREEMENT

Luke chapter 5







Today we are walking in: Mentorship Is by Agreement







Habakkuk 2:2




And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, ​ and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.
















VISION
















Today we look to the word​ VISION- H2377 chazown- vision(in ecstatic state)​, vision​s​ (in night)​, oracle, prophecy (divine communication)​, vision (as title of book of prophecy)​ ​from H2372; a sight (mentally), i.e. a dream, revelation, or oracle:—vision. to see, perceive, look, behold, prophesy, provide​, ​to see, behold​, to see as a seer in the ecstatic state​, to see, perceive with the intelligence​, to see (by experience)​, to provide



















The Torah testifies........




Numbers 24:4




He hath said, which heard the words of God, which saw ​ the vision H2377 of the Almighty, falling into a trance, but having his eyes open:




Numbers 24:16




He hath said, which heard the words of God, and knew the knowledge of the Most High, which saw ​the vision H2377 of the Almighty, falling into a trance, but having his eyes open:



















The prophets proclaim.........

1​ ​Samuel 3:1




And the child Samuel ministered unto the LORD before Eli. And the word of the LORD was precious in those days;there was no open vision H2377. ​







Jeremiah 14:14




Then the LORD said unto me, The prophets prophesy lies in my name: I sent them not, neither have I commanded them, neither spake unto them: they prophesy unto you a false vision H2377 ​ and divination, and a thing of nought, and the deceit of their heart.
















The writings bear witness.........




1​ ​Chronicles 17:15




According to all these words, and according to all this vision H2377, ​so did Nathan speak unto David.







Psalm 89:19




Then thou spakest in vision ​H2377 to thy holy one, and saidst, I have laid help upon one that is mighty; I have exalted one chosen out of the people.






Chapter 20

Mentorship Is by Agreement




I STOOD ON the receiving line, surrounded by the elite of our society: the governor, diplomats, politicians, wealthy business owners, bankers, judges, and a mass of other socialites gathered at a beautiful, private venue. We were

all waiting to meet and shake hands with a man the world had come to love, respect, and admire—Nelson Mandela.




I remember the historic moment during that evening that I had the privilege of meeting this global icon, the first president of the new South Africa. He had just been freed from the prison on Robben Island a few days earlier, and his first official trip was to my small nation of islands, the

Bahamas. His decision to travel there was a result of his relationship with our first prime minister, Sir Lynden Pindling, who had been a university colleague of Mr. Mandela’s in England. Pindling was the world leader who

presented the case of Mr. Mandela’s imprisonment to the United Nations to demand his freedom from the l apartheid-driven government prison on Robben Island.




As for me, as a man who grew up in an environment of racism and oppression in this former British colony, I understood the nature of prejudice, and I had always admired the sacrifice, commitment, and dedication of this

freedom fighter. I had embraced him as a distant source of inspiration. To me, he was a mentor. At least, that is what I thought.




Finally, my time came to shake those hands that had become so hardened and calloused after twenty-five years of cracking the hard rock of Robben Island with a hand ax during his incarceration. The prime minister of the Bahamas at that time, Mr. Hubert Ingraham, introduced me to this towering figure who was bigger than life to me. I reached out my hands and felt myself melting under the warm radiance of a smile I will never forget. My eyes filled with tears as I felt my hands touch history. I surrendered to the emotions of the moment and hugged him.




“Thank you, sir, thank you,” I heard myself mutter. He simply held me close to his heart and said,“Thank you, son.”




Here I was in the shadow of my long-distance “mentor” and touching a legend who would change the world’s view of human dignity.




“The two parties in a mentoring relationship must

reach an agreement and have an explicit

understanding at the outset.”




Those of us on the receiving line were guests for a private dinner held in his honor, and I sat a few seats away from President Mandela. During the meal, I watched him closely and observed everything he said and did. The way he was kind in spirit, gentle in all responses, and without guile, hatred, and bitterness reduced me to childlike wonderment. Many questioned him about his feelings toward his oppressors and about the impact his experience had had on his life. His response was consistently one of forgiveness and

reconciliation. I saw love in its pure form and made a decision that I would always try to emulate this monumental example of leadership.




As the evening drifted on, I listened as a student, basking in the depth of knowledge and experience leaking from the lips of this rare human specimen. I began to acknowledge that even though I had held up Mr. Mandela as a personal mentor for years, I did not know him. I had to accept the fact that he was not my mentor, but rather a source of inspiration and motivation to me.




That night I was able to observe him directly and to see how he listened intently to others, waited with thoughtful meditation before he calmly answered questions about his painful past. I noticed how he used his hands to gesture and how he wore the unique shirt that has become a trademark. I was for the first time understanding what true mentoring is, even while accepting that this was not the nature of our relationship. I was interacting with true character.




I realized that true mentoring involves more than distant observation of a character or person. Mentoring is more than reading the writings of an author, even though that might inspire and motivate you to act on the ideas.




Mentoring is more than learning about the accomplishments and achievements of another person or admiring their dedication to a cause or vision. Those things might ignite your own passion and encourage you to dream and believe in your vision, but they are not examples of mentoring.




I came to understand that true mentoring is the intentional submission of one person to the personal influence, counsel, instruction, correction, observation, understudy, and intimate exposure of another person’s life, environment, lifestyle, actions, and behavior. That includes their processing of ideas and management of a variety of circumstances in life. Submission to mentoring requires expectation and accountability on both sides. This submission is with a verbal or official understanding and agreement that the relationship is for the purpose of mentorship. In essence, mentoring requires mutual agreement between both parties.




I had to accept the fact that President Mandela was an inspirational character, a role model, a motivational icon, and an example of sacrifice and commitment to a cause, but not my official mentor. We had no agreement or

mutual consent as a teacher and a student. You could say my relationship with President Mandela was “distance learning.”




I have since traveled to South Africa almost every year to facilitate leadership training seminars and conferences and have encountered him only one other time, but Mr. Mandela will forever be an inspiration and motivation

to me.




Misunderstanding the Relationship




If mentoring is to be effective and successful, then the two parties in a mentoring relationship must reach an agreement and have an explicit understanding at the outset. As in marriage, the relationship will work better if the two understand each other’s expectations.




“You have been my mentor for years,” people tell me. “How is that possible?” I normally ask.“I do not know you.” “Oh, I have read your books,” they say. “I watch your television” programs. I tell them,“Then I may have inspired or motivated you, but I would not say I am your mentor.”




That is not mentoring in its true sense. As I said earlier, this is distance education, not mentoring. You can become a disciple of leaders through their resources, materials, or programs, but that is different from mentoring. True mentorship involves face-to-face, direct, and interactive communication.




I think we witnessed a misunderstanding about the mentoring agreement during the 2008 presidential campaign in the United States. The media frequently characterized the American teacher Jeremiah Wright as a “mentor” of Barack Obama, who was then a senator and candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination. It is clear, however, that no agreement on mentorship had ever existed between them.




When Obama arrived at Wright’s ministry years earlier, it was not as a mentee seeking direction. He went there as an adult looking for a place to fulfill his spiritual needs and his desire to help the community, not to be mentored by the Reverend Wright. Young Obama had heard that the ministry lived out its values through the kind of community projects that he wanted to do as well.




The frequent use of the term “mentor” in the context of their relationship was unfair. As far as we know, the Reverend Wright never said, “I am going to train you and mentor you. You are going to do what I say. Follow me.” No. The fact that Obama attended the ministry does not mean the teacher was his mentor. Obama did not say to the minister, “I’m here to learn from you. I submit to your authority and teaching. I want you to mentor me.” Neither did the relationship evolve into one of mentorship. They never had an agreement.




This is an essential point, as millions of individuals commit themselves to many ministres, mosques, temples, clubs, and other civic or religious organizations. They, or others observing them, could make the mistake of regarding their relationship with the leader in that environment as an official mentorship relationship. They are not necessarily that. If you attend a ministry, the teacher is not automatically your mentor. He is your teacher and spiritual instructor. His words and example might inspire you, but the two of you have no personal agreement for true mentoring.




As I noted earlier, mentorship is an intentional, conscious agreement between two individuals. It is intimate. It is explicit. To determine whether a mentorship exists, examine the specifics of the relationship. Was Barack Obama at teacher Wright’s side? Did Obama carry the minister’s Bible for him or spend days at his house? Did Obama travel with his teacher? No. Then no mentoring agreement was in place.




Even people in a relationship may assume that a tacit mentorship agreement exists, but you cannot assume that someone is your mentor or mentee. The mentor must agree consciously and explicitly to mentor. At times, we assume or presume that we are training someone, or that someone is training us, when that is not the case. Many times people want you to train them, help them, or develop them, but no communication has taken place

between the two parties. That is like expecting a marriage to take place when the parties have had no first date, no courtship, no engagement, and no license issued. Mentorship has to be an agreement. You want me to mentor you, and I decide to do it.




Again, mentorship requires commitment, dedication, submission, responsibility, and, most important, accountability. One reason an agreement is so important is that the relationship will require the mentor to assign tasks, offer correction, or dispense discipline. The parties must agree beforehand that the mentee will carry out tasks and accept the mentor’s discipline.




Agreeing to Agree




One of the greatest examples of a mentoring agreement is the relationship between the greatest leader in history, Yahusha Hamachiach, and His mentees. Let us take a brief look at His official relationship-agreement process. At thirty years old, this Hebrew teacher or rabbi, Yahusha, was clear on what He wanted to achieve. He knew His vision and mission, and He was dedicated to fulfilling them. You may recall His initial encounter with three of the men who would become His first mentees. These men were business owners. They operated a fishing business in a little town on the northern coast of the Sea of Galilee,

the large lake that empties into the Jordan River, flowing all the way to the Dead Sea in the south. Peter and his brother Andrew, along with James and John and their father Zebedee, were partners who worked these waters for most of their lives.




The account of their first meeting with Yahusha tells us the encounter took place at the shores of the lake one morning. They had fished all night, but were unsuccessful in securing a catch. One could assume they were depressed, frustrated, and discouraged. After all, fishing was their livelihood and fulltime profession. It was in this circumstance that the Hebrew villager Yahusha approached them. After solving their business and economic problem,

He intentionally invited them into a mentoring relationship. Let us read this account:




Luke 5:4–11 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.” Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their

nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Yahusha’ knees and said,

“Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners. Then Yahusha said to Simon,

“Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.” So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.




The New Testament gospel record of the former tax collector and accountant Matthew, who was also an official mentee of Hamachiach, also gives an account:




Matthew 4:18–22 As Yahusha was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.“Come, follow me,” Yahusha said,

“and I will make you fishers of men.” At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he

saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Yahusha called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.




It is important to note that Yahusha did not allow them just to wander after Him. He invited them specifically, and He established the expectation and accountability factors of the mentorship relationship: “Come, follow me,”

Yahusha said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” Did they intentionally agree and accept the invitation? The gospel writers confirm that they did.




Luke 5:11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.




Matthew 4:21–22 Yahusha called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.




Here it is clear that He invited and they accepted. After that they followed Him daily, observed, listened, watched, and accepted His correction for more than three years. Their relationship required an agreement of mutual

commitment, dedication, submission, and accountability. Theirs was a true mentoring relationship. It was all in the agreement.




The Right Motives




The mentor must be careful to choose wisely for the right person to mentor. As I travel around the world speaking at leadership conferences and corporate training seminars, many people approach me and express how much influence one of my lectures, books, or broadcasts has had on them. Such comments always humble me, and I find them to be a source of personal encouragement and satisfaction. However, many people also come to me and say they want me to mentor them. I usually respond by asking them questions to understand the motives for their request. I observe them for a little while and listen carefully to their responses.




I find that many of them are genuinely interested in receiving help and want to learn. If I feel they could be considered as a potential candidate for my mentoring program, I ask them to write to receive my mentorship

introduction packet. It includes a number of introductory items, along with a questionnaire and application to ascertain their deep motivation and understanding of the demands of mentoring.




However, occasionally I also encounter those who do not really want to be mentored or taught by me, but rather they want to be me. In essence, they want what I have more than they want to learn how I got it. They are driven

more by personal ambition than by a personal desire to submit, learn, and grow through a process. These are the kinds of characters that believe you can wave a wand and make them an instant you. They do not have the right

attitude.




As a public figure who has achieved a measure of success, I will always attract interesting characters. Many people have approached me and said they wanted to serve me as an assistant or volunteer to learn from me. Sometimes I allow them to work around me so I can observe their attitude and the content of their heart.




After a while their true motives are exposed. Some really want to serve me, but others want to use me. I discover their real motive was to use their association with me to boost their status, expand their personal network, or to

use the age-old advantage of name-dropping by being able to say or claim they know me. These are not potential mentees. These are parasites to avoid.




I have experienced these shady spirits so frequently during the years that I am now able to discern them very early and not give them access to my personal space or valuable time. I learned that not everyone who wants to “help” is a helper. I have identified some qualities that these characters exhibit that are red flags to watch for if you are the mentor. These attitudes will cancel any

individual as a candidate for mentorship:




• They are interested in your work and vision more than in you.




• They are aggressive in the presence of your associates.




• They introduce themselves to your colleagues and circle of influence instead of letting you do so.




• They frequently speak of one day having the same power, influence, or authority you have earned.




• They attempt to give you unsought advice.




• They suggest or believe they know more than you do about your own work and vision.




• They possess a spirit of jealousy over what you have accomplished, and they often suggest they could do the same.




• They question what you do, rather than ask questions to learn how you did it.




• They try to keep other people away from you so they can have you to themselves.




• They tend to compete with you rather than submit to you.




The Mentoring Agreement




Assuming you have found the right candidate to mentor, what would the agreement say? I suggest that it incorporate these concepts for the mentor and the mentee:




The Mentor:




The following affirmations should become every mentor’s commitment and goal for entering a mentoring relationship.




I agree to mentor.




As a mentor, you must be willing to consider and accept the commitment, cost, and dedication required to mentor. You must be faithful to your decision to mentor. I understand that leadership is “caught” more than taught. As a mentor, you must acknowledge that successful mentoring demands an interactive relationship with your mentee, providing opportunities to observe, listen, ask questions, understudy, and learn in your environment.




I will see potential in each person I mentor. As a mentor, you must see the hidden treasure within the mentee and be motivated by what he could become and not judge him on what he is now.




I will tolerate mistakes. As a mentor, you must be willing to make room for the learning process of the mentee, being ever mindful that you are also a product of many failures and mistakes, which were all a part of the

development process.




I will demonstrate patience. As a mentor, you must cultivate a high tolerance level for the developmental process of the mentee and enlarge your capacity to handle the missteps of your student.




I will make time to spend with the mentee. As a mentor, you must be willing to invest your time in and share physical space with the mentee, as well as to accept that mentoring will demand time and effort from you.




I will provide opportunities to learn. As a mentor, you must be willing to create or invite the mentee to share your platform and exposure in different environments and situations for the purpose of personal development and

training.




I will be honest with correction and generous with praise. As a mentor, you must be willing to confront the mentee on issues when necessary and not miss any opportunity to convert negative situations into teaching moments.




You must also encourage and motivate the mentee with affirmations and also praise your protégé when appropriate.




I will provide recognition. As a mentor, you must be willing to recognize the value of the mentee and share that value with others in your sphere of influence.




I will focus on managing things and developing people. As a mentor, you must be willing always to place the human factor above material or mechanical things. Human development will be your principle motivation.

I understand that transformation comes only through association. As a mentor, you must accept responsibility for transferring your knowledge, wisdom, resources, relationships, and opportunities to your mentee through a

close relationship with you.




I will view people as opportunities, not interruptions. As a mentor, you must be willing to allow the mentee to enter your personal space when appropriate and always make yourself accessible. The mentee should never feel that he or she is a burden or interference in your life.




I will have a long-term perspective. As a mentor, you must always be aware that the purpose and goal of mentoring is the future. Maintaining a comprehensive view of the bigger picture is mandatory.




The Mentee:




A mentee entering a mentoring agreement should be prepared to make the following affirmations:




I will initiate pursuit of the mentor. As a mentee, you must be willing to activate your own personal interest in finding a mentor and not wait for the mentor to pursue you.




I will submit to the mentor. As a mentee, you must be willing to submit to the mentee and cooperate with the mentee’s instructions, advice, corrections, and training processes.




I will accept that the mentor is acting in my best interest. As a mentee, you must be willing to accept that the mentor intends—through actions, instructions, rebuke, or corrections—to benefit your developmental process

and not to restrict or harm your progress.




I am willing to accept the mentor’s counsel. As a mentee, you must be willing to receive the advice of the mentor because you trust his or her wisdom and commitment to your success.




I will never abuse the privileges offered by a mentor. As a mentee, you must be cautious never to forget that having a mentor is a privilege and not a right and that any advantage, opportunity, access, or privileges the mentor

gives must be protected and respected. At no time should you use any relationship with someone introduced to you by your mentor for your personal gain or interest, being mindful that the relationship is the property of the mentor and may have taken years to cultivate. Mentoring is a privilege for which you must always be grateful.




I will harness the power of questions. As a mentee, you must understand that the mentor is like a buried treasure chest and that the surest way to get to the treasure is to dig it up. Questions are the shovels of life used to unearth

hidden wisdom and knowledge. At every opportunity, ask questions of your mentor. Remember that questions automatically create a classroom and the teaching moments that will always benefit the one who asks the questions.




I will invest personal resources in pursuit of the mentor. As a mentee, you must be willing to invest your time, finances, and resources in your own development—understanding that mentoring is costly and will only have value to the degree that you are willing to invest in it.




I will never compete with the mentor. As a mentee, you must understand that the mentor already has accomplished much of the success in life you are pursuing and had to do this during many years of struggle, personal sacrifice, and failures. You can never achieve in your time with the mentor what it took him or her a lifetime to achieve. Remember, the purpose

of being mentored is to equip you to live your life, not trying to adopt or compete with the life of the mentor.




I will never take the mentor’s advice or criticism personally. As a mentee, you must be willing to receive correction or counsel as teaching tools and never consider the mentor’s correction as a personal attack on your character, but rather embrace it as an expression of care and concern.




Remember, the mentor has nothing to gain from mentoring you, except the satisfaction that you will be the success for which he or she can share credit.




I will never be jealous of the mentor’s success. As a mentee, you must always be aware that what drew you to the mentor was that leader’s success, achievement of major goals, or overcoming of great challenges with character and resilience. Your purpose in pursuing that mentor was to learn from those accomplishments. What they have achieved was the result of a lifetime of work, sacrifice, and faithfulness. You must never be jealous of history already lived. You must focus on making your own history.




I will be honest in the relationship with the mentor. As a mentee, you realize that the mentor’s time and effort are precious commodities that must never be abused, devalued, or misused. The greatest act of respect and

appreciation for a mentor is demonstrated through an honest and open relationship. Mentors cannot mentor a dishonest mentee.




The following chapter will speak more to those who seek mentors and expand the roles and responsibilities of the mentee, but these points should give you an idea of what is expected.




The mentor and mentee might not recite these affirmations verbatim or put them in writing, but they offer guidelines to keep in mind when contemplating a mentoring relationship. Mentoring agreements can be officially stated or unstated. That is why I have written this book. The leaders and parents of the twenty-first century must move away from haphazard, confusing, and “guess work” training, understanding their obligation and

responsibility to provide effective leadership for the next generation to carry on their vision. They must establish official mentoring relationships and do it intentionally.




Points to remember:




Mentorship requires an explicit understanding between two parties.




Mentoring demands commitment, dedication, submission, responsibility, and accountability.




Being mentored is a privilege