HOW TO BE A GOOD FATHER

Proverbs chapter 2










Today we are walking in: How To Be A Good Father!!!!







Today we look to the word-FATHER- H1 av (Abba)--head or founder of a household, group, family, or clan; ancestor; of producer, generator









The Torah Testifies.............................






Genesis 4:21


And his brother's name was Jubal: he was the father H1 of all such as handle the harp and organ.











The prophets proclaim...............




Jeremiah 7:25


Since the day that your fathers H1 came forth out of the land of Egypt unto this day I have even sent unto you all my servants the prophets, daily rising up early and sending them:













The writings bear witness.............






Joshua 14:1


And these are the countries which the children of Israel inherited in the land of Canaan, which Eleazar the priest, and Joshua the son of Nun, and the heads of the fathers H1 of the tribes of the children of Israel, distributed for inheritance to them.








How to Be a Good Father


A Father Is Meant to Represent the Fatherhood of Yah to His Children.


Never before in the history of the world have we been as much in need of good fathers. When Yah created the male and gave him his dominion assignments, He included the responsibility of cultivating and protecting his offspring. Yet today, there is a widespread lack of understanding about the nature of fatherhood. Men of all nations and races lack the skills of good parenting.


Certain men think that their ability to produce a child makes them a man. Any male can have a baby. Merely having a child is no guarantee that you are a real man—or a real father. These men don‘t know the meaning of being a covering, protection, and role model for their children.


Many men were never taught what it means to be a good father, and their own fathers did not provide good examples for them. The problems we encounter with our parents in the early years of our lives can be transferred into our own families after we marry, if they have not been resolved. When fathers are a negative influence on their sons, boys grow up with the wrong concept of marriage and fatherhood. Broken relationships and families are the result.


In a large number of homes today, fathers are absent, due to separation, divorce, and the rising number of out-of- wedlock births. Other fathers live in the home but are absent from the family for all intents and purposes. They have forsaken their responsibility as fathers because of career pursuits, indifference, and selfishness, as they put their own pleasures ahead of their children‘s welfare. This means that many children don‘t have the benefit of a good father.


A Tremendous Calling


Gentlemen, we have a tremendous calling ahead of us. Our task involves changing not only our own perspectives of fatherhood, but also those of our children, especially our sons. We have to communicate to them the standards of Yah, so that the trend I‘ve just described can be reversed. But we have to start with ourselves. We must discover and put into practice what the Word of Yah says about fathers and to fathers. Then we can teach these principles to other men and boys. Yah‘s truth about fathers will be the salvation of our communities and nations.


Yah has always been very specific in His Word about the responsibilities of a father. This role is of particular importance to Him, because fathers are meant to represent Him to their children. The fatherhood of Yah is indicative of His nature; it is the way He desires to relate to us. When fathers fail to show His love and character to their sons and daughters, the children‘s concept of Yah suffers, affecting their relationships with Him. Now, no earthly father can ever be perfect. Yet Yah has provided a wealth of instruction on parenting in His Word. When men look to Him, they can fulfill their responsibilities and be meaningful reflections of the fatherhood of Yah to their children. What, then, does it mean to be a good father?


The Responsibilities of a Father


1. A Good Father Knows the Heavenly Father

A man won‘t be able to understand what it means to be a good father if he doesn‘t know His heavenly Father. When Yahusha rose from the dead, He made this wonderful state- ment: “I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my Yah and your Yah” (John 20:17). Because of Yahusha‘ death and resurrection on our behalf, we can know Yah not only as our Creator but also as our Father.


A man must also have faith in Yah as His Father—that He will love, protect, and provide for him. Trust and reliance on Yah is what a father needs to model for his children. The greatest heritage a man can leave his sons and daughters is not money or property, but faith. A house can burn down, or someone can sell or repossess it, but no one can destroy the faith you have instilled in your child. Besides, the child will be able to use his faith to obtain another house, because he has been taught to trust Yah as his Provider.


In the Bible, you will often see variations on the phrase, “the Yah of my father.” (See, for example, Genesis 26:24; 32:9; 2 Chronicles 17:4; Isaiah 38:5.) Men, if you have one goal in life, let it be this: before you die, you will hear your children say, ―I serve the Yah of my father. If they have seen Yah reflected in you, then you have displayed His life and character to them. In doing so, you have given them a true spiritual heritage.


Why did the children of the patriarchs follow the Yah of their fathers? He kept His promises and took care of them. In Genesis 12:2, Yah said to Abraham, “I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.” Later, we see how Yah began to fulfill this promise. Abraham‘s servant reported,


The Most High has blessed my master abundantly, and he has become wealthy. He has given him sheep and cattle, silver and gold, menservants and maidservants, and camels and donkeys. My master‟s wife Sarah has borne him a son in her old age, and he has given him everything he owns. (Gen. 24:35)


Abraham‘s son, Isaac, saw firsthand that the Yah of his father was real, and he decided, ―I‘m going to serve my father‘s Yah, too. Today, many children are turning away from the true Yah because their fathers‘ faith is weak, and therefore they think their fathers‘ Yah is also weak. The Yah whom their fathers serve doesn‘t seem to be living up to what He‘s supposed to, so the children are disillusioned.


If you are a father, your children are looking up to you and saying, ―Show me Yah. Your representation of Yah in the home will likely determine what your children will say in the end. Will they say, ―I will serve the Yah of my father? Or will they say, ―The Yah of my father is not worth serving? I want my children to see the faithfulness of Yah displayed in my life. I want them to be able to say, ―This Yah that my father and mother serve does everything He says He will do. My mother said that Yah was going to do this, and He did it. My father prayed that this would happen, and it happened. This Yah is real. I will follow the Yah of my parents because He is faithful.


2. A Good Father Loves the Mother of His Children


The second most important thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. Many men buy gifts for their children, such as bicycles and computers, when what the children want and need most is to see their fathers truly love their mothers. I think there is nothing more precious than for a child to see his parents being affectionate with one another. I think kids get a feeling of security when they see that.


Showing consideration and honor for your wife is extremely important. Are you demanding and impatient with your spouse, or do you treat her with kindness and understanding? What are you modeling for your children about what it means to be a husband? Children take in everything they see, and your children observe the way you treat your wife much more than you may know. A child will often lose honor for his father if he doesn‘t see him giving his mother the consideration and love she deserves.


Many men don‘t realize that their treatment of their wives affects not only how their children see them, but also how Yah views them. If a husband doesn‘t treat his wife with honor, his very prayers may be hindered:


Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with honor...so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Pet. 3:7)


When you love the mother of your children, you bring peace and happiness into your home, and you teach your children by example what it means to be a real man.


3. A Good Father Loves His Children


Many parents think love means providing their children with clothes, food, and shelter. That‘s merely a natural and moral duty. Anyone with common sense and a little bit of conscience would buy food. Love is much more than that. There are fathers who pay the rent for their children, but don‘t go to visit them. There are fathers who buy their children gifts, but send them with somebody else. Buying things for your kids doesn‘t necessarily mean you love them. It may mean you feel guilty about not fulfilling your responsibility to them. Some men don‘t even want to do that. They don‘t pay child support, so the courts have to deal with them.


Love is not buying gifts. Love is you being a gift. The Bible tells us that our heavenly Father so loved the world that He became a revelation of that love in Yahusha Hamachiach. Therefore, if a man is really a father, he doesn‘t just send gifts. He sends himself. That‘s the essence of love.


Love also means correcting, chastening, and reproving your children when they need it. We‘ll take a closer look at these responsibilities in coming sections. However, let me say here that some children are begging to be corrected, but their fathers don‘t have any sense to realize it. Some children hate their fathers because they let them do whatever they want. The fathers think the children will do fine on their own. They say, ―My child is old enough to handle it, while their children are thinking, ―I need help, Daddy! I don‘t know the right values in life. I don‘t have standards to judge by. I‘m looking to you to give me some guidelines, and you‘re telling me, Decide for yourself.‘


Loving your children means setting standards for them. Life today is very complex and confused. Children need someone who can tell them, ―This is the way in which to go. You need to give your children a love that instills eternal values. I‘ve talked to parents who were concerned because their child was wayward. ―I don‘t know what happened. I gave him everything he wanted. That was the problem. You don‘t give your child everything he wants. You give him what he needs.


There are times when love has to be tough. Some fathers don‘t have the backbone for that. They are afraid to punish their children, so they leave it up to their wives. The Bible never says the mother is to correct the children; it says the father is to discipline them. Yet how many fathers leave discipline up to the mothers? Some fathers don‘t punish their children because they want the children to like them. They don‘t realize the effect this has on their families. The children begin to love their mother more than their father because they know their mother cares enough to correct them. They think, ―Daddy doesn‘t really love me. They may also grow up believing a parent isn‘t supposed to discipline his children, so they don‘t become good agents of correction for their own children. If you love your children, you will correct them.


4. A Good Father Is Responsible for His Children


There is a popular idea today that every person should take total responsibility for himself or herself, no matter how young that person is—that a child has ―children‘s rights that are the same as an adult‘s. This philosophy teaches that a parent cannot spank a child as a disciplinary measure. If this happens, the child should be able to go to court and get an injunction against his parents for hurting him. It also says a child should also be able to ―divorce his parents.


What the world is saying is that children should be al- lowed to bring themselves up. This idea is foolish. You don‘t treat children as adults. Children are children; grown-ups are grown-ups. Sometimes adults act like children. But children are definitely not adults and shouldn‘t be treated as if they were.


Parents have a responsibility before Yah to raise their children. Yah does not leave the care and upbringing of your children to themselves or to society. He leaves it to you.


How much time do you spend with your children? Who is really bringing them up? Perhaps you and your wife leave for work early in the morning and don‘t return until late in the evening. You don‘t see much of your children. Someone else has brought them up all day. Realize that everything that person represents goes into your children. They will learn their views of Yah, their concept of themselves, and their philosophy of life from their caretaker. You need to be careful whom you allow to watch your children.


To be responsible for your children, you must make time for them. They should not be considered one more item on a ―to do list or one more obstacle to clear out of your way. Many fathers don‘t really want to take responsibility for their children, because children take time and energy. Therefore, they leave them to fend for themselves. Balancing all of life‘s demands can be difficult for a father, but your children should be at the top of the list, after your wife.


5. A Good Father Teaches and Instructs His Children


A father needs to read and study the Word of Yah so he can teach it to his children. He must know the commands of Yah. It‘s impossible to teach something you haven‘t learned yourself. Remember what Yah said about Abraham, whom He called His friend?


Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Most High by doing what is right and just.

(Gen. 18:18–19)


Yah made a promise to Abraham and said the fulfillment of the promise was connected to Abraham‘s teaching his family the Word of Yah. There‘s a relationship between the two. Yah is holding up some fathers‘ blessings because they aren‘t loving their children enough to teach them the Word.


In the book of Proverbs, Solomon spoke of the wisdom to be gained from Yahly instruction:


My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Most High and find the knowledge of Yah. For the Most High gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. (Prov. 2:1–6)


When fathers teach their children the commands of Yah, their children will learn that fathers who know the Word are worth listening to. Proverbs 1:8–9 says, “Listen, my son, to your father‟s instruction and do not forsake your mother‟s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.” A garland was a crown or wreath given to athletes who won a race. When children receive Yahly instructions from their fathers, they can win the race that ends in eternal life.


6. A Good Father Trains and Disciplines His Children


In Hosea 11:3–4, Yah said,


It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.


“It was I who taught Ephraim to walk.” Yah was talking about His people. He was saying, ―I have always been with you. From the time you were a child, I was working with you. When you fell down, I picked you up. I was training you. That‘s the spirit of a father. Our heavenly Father takes a personal interest in our training. Likewise, we are to personally train our children.


Proverbs 19:18 says, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” This is serious business. The verse is saying, ―Discipline and train a child now because there is hope in that discipline, hope in that training. You are giving hope to your child when you discipline and correct him. You are giving him a value system for his entire life.


The Scripture says if you don‘t do this, you‘re a party to your child‘s death. Now, we use the phrase ―a party to‖ to refer to criminals, don‘t we? Someone commits a murder, and another person is there assisting. Or someone robs a store, and another person drives the getaway car. The second person is called a party to the crime, which means that he or she is just as guilty as the one who committed the wrong. So the Scripture is saying that if you don‘t correct or discipline your child when he needs it, then when he goes bad, you are responsible.


Proverbs 29:15 says, “A child left to himself disgraces his mother.” Check out the children in the reform schools. Check out the inmates in the prisons. Look at the people living on the streets. Many of them were left to themselves as children, with no one to teach them character and values.


My heart goes out to single parents who have to fill the roles of both father and mother. I want to say to you: don‘t let your children train you. You may not know everything in life, but you know more than they do. And that‘s enough for you to be in charge. I don‘t care how old they are, when you‘re paying the mortgage, when you‘re providing for them, you make the rules. If they disobey the rules, you have to make sure they experience the consequences.


“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6 KJV). The word for “train” in this verse is the same word that is used for conditioning. The Bible is saying, ―Condition your child in the way he should go. Why? He can‘t condition himself. He was born with a rebellious spirit. You don‘t have to teach your children to swear, lie, steal, commit adultery, or have bitterness and hatred. It‘s already in them. If you don‘t condition them, they will naturally become wayward. You have to train them.


The things children learn from their parents never leave them. I still retain what my father and mother taught me. Do you know that the same temptations that come to any young man came to me? What kept me on an even keel is the values and morals that were instilled in me. There were situations where, if it wasn‘t for the training of my parents, I would have gone under. The only thing that kept me safe was the character I learned from their teaching and correction. I love my parents because they disciplined me.


Hebrews 12:7–11 tells us the benefits of discipline:


Endure hardship as discipline; Yah is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we honored them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but Yah disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.


“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” If you train your children, they will grow up to know Yah‘s ways and to have peace in their hearts.


The King James Version uses the word “chastening” instead of “discipline.” The word chasten means ―to correct, ―to reprove, or ―to discipline. Some children are punished but not corrected. Parents sometimes confuse the two. Your children need discipline. To discipline means to instill moral and mental character, to give values to a person. You don‘t give values just by punishing. You give values by correcting.


My parents had a wonderful way of sitting me down and saying, ―Now, here is why we punished you. They didn‘t just punish me; they corrected me. They said, ―If you keep this up, this will happen, and ―If you keep this kind of company, this will be the result. Disciplining your children may be somewhat painful for both you and your children at times, but the results will be positive and healthy.


7. A Good Father Encourages His Children


First Thessalonians 2:11–12 says, “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging [or warning] you to live lives worthy of Yah, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.” This passage gives us three additional responsibilities of a good father: encouraging, comforting, and warning.


First, children need encouragement. Some children never hear an encouraging word from their fathers. Do you hear how some fathers talk to their children? They act as if the children can‘t do anything right. A ten-year-old boy is washing the dishes. His father comes in and says, ―Can‘t you clean dishes better than this? The little guy is at least trying. So encourage him. Maybe he leaves a little soap on the stove or counter. Don‘t look at what he left; look at what he cleaned up. Encourage him.


Maybe your child can‘t read quite as fast as you did when you were her age. Don‘t criticize her. Encourage her. Some children are really trying. Sometimes a child will try to help out with the chores and will unintentionally break something. His parent will run into the room and yell, ―What are you doing? He gets a lecture. So he goes to his room with a broken heart, a depressed spirit, and a hurt ego. He thinks, ―I‘m not going to help ever again! Some parents don‘t see their child‘s intention. They see only their own anger and frustration.


I‘ll never forget something that happened when I was still a young Hebrew. My sister was a little girl, and I was painting a picture of her. It was almost finished, and it had turned out really beautifully. I left the painting on the easel, with the paints out, and walked away for a moment. When I came back, I saw my sister putting red paint all over my picture. She was singing and having a great time. I wanted to slap her, but I took a firm grip on my impatience. In that moment, the Ruach HaQadesh spoke to me, saying, ―Don‘t look at what she did. Look at what she was trying to do. You wouldn‘t believe what I did. I said, ―Finish it. Guess what? Art became her favorite subject in school. She didn‘t mean to destroy my painting. She was just trying to paint.


Fathers need to encourage their children in what they are trying to do, even though it‘s not perfect. Maybe your son didn‘t receive an A in class, but at least he went to class. There are some kids who skip their classes. The teacher knows that at least your child tried. So correct and instruct your child with patience, and encourage his or her efforts.


8. A Good Father Comforts His Children


Next, children need comforting. You encourage them when they‘re doing something positive, and when you want them to improve in something. But there will be times when they become discouraged, hurt, confused, or disillusioned. That is when they need comfort.


How can you comfort your children? By letting them know they are loved, even when they make mistakes or don‘t live up to your expectations. By listening to their struggles and problems with kindness and understanding. By giving them warm embraces and loving words when they are sad.


To be a comforter, you have to be accessible to your children. You have to know what‘s going on in their lives so you can know when they‘re going through struggles and loneliness. Children will be comforted to know you‘re available to them and that you make it a point to spend time with them. Your comfort will also help them to know that their heavenly Father is a Comforter, just as He is described in His Word: “the Father of compassion and the Yah of all com- fort, who comforts us in all our troubles” (2 Cor. 1:3–4).


9. A Good Father Warns His Children


Fathers are also to urge or warn their children to live righteously. Yet how many fathers confuse warning with threatening? ―I‘m going to kill you if you don‘t stop that!‖ Some fathers don‘t have any kind of tact, because they don‘t know any better. A child interprets a warning as love, but sees a threat as hate.


The Bible says to warn children “to live lives worthy of Yah” (1 Thess. 2:12). This verse is talking about spiritual warning. It is a father‘s responsibility to warn his children of the consequences of rejecting Yah. ―Son, there is an eternal hell. I warn you, whatever you sow on earth, you‘re going to reap in the next life. ―Daughter, I warn you that whatever you become involved in will follow you in your memory forever. That's a spiritual warning.


Many fathers warn their children, but their children don‘t listen to them because they aren‘t setting a Yahly example. If you are walking in Yah‘s ways when you warn your children, they will come to honor the Yah of their father. They will say, ―If I obey my father, then I‘m obeying my Yah. I know that my father knows what is best because I see Yah working in his life. I‘ll obey my father because I want Him to work in my life, too.


Some of you may not live with your children. Maybe you are divorced, and your children live in another state or country. I suggest that you write them letters. It‘s amazing what you can communicate through a letter. You can put things in writing that you find hard to verbalize. Establish a loving relationship with your children through letters, so that you will have their honor when you want to warn them about spiritual realities. Then when you are no longer here, they will remember, ―My father told me about Yah. He wasn‘t always the best daddy all those years. But before he died, in those latter years, he told me about Yah. He left me enough that I know that he loves me beyond the grave. Warn your children. It‘s your responsibility.


10. A Good Father Does Not Provoke His Children


Last, fathers need to be careful not to provoke their children. The Bible says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children” (Eph. 6:4), or “Do not provoke your children to anger” (NASB). What are fathers to do instead? “Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Most High” (v. 4).


Fathers have a way of provoking their children by impatience or harshness. Yet sometimes provocation means more than we normally think of in connection with the word. Notice that the above verse refers to “training” and “instruction” as the opposites of provocation: ―Don‘t provoke, but train. Don‘t provoke, but instruct.


Provocation can mean neglect. When you neglect your children, you incite them to despise you. Some fathers have no sensitivity to their children‘s needs, so the children become exasperated, provoked. They end up with inferiority complexes and undeveloped personalities, because their fa- thers didn‘t show them the love and kindness of Yah.


What Will Your Legacy Be?


My prayer is that every father or potential father listening to this teaching will take a look at his life and ask himself, ―What can I leave my children?


Do you want to leave them a house? Fine. However, that doesn‘t mean you will leave them a home. Do you want to leave them a car? Good. But that doesn‘t mean you will have taught them to be responsible enough to take care of it. Do you want to leave them some books? Wonderful. Yet that doesn‘t mean you‘re going to leave them with the interest to read them. Values are transmitted by example, not talk. Morals are transmitted by personification, not lectures.


Proverbs 17:6 says, “Parents are the pride of their children.” I think the greatest thing a father could hear his child say is, ―That‘s my daddy. I‘m proud of him. He‘s the best father. Will your children be able to say of you, ―The pride of my life is my father? or ―I want to be just like my father?

When your children want to be like you, they want to be like Yah, whom you represent. Ephesians 5:1 says, “Be imitators of Yah, therefore, as dearly loved children.” As you imitate your heavenly Father, your children will imitate you and reflect the character and life of their Creator. That is what the dominion assignment of fatherhood is all about.


Principles


A good father—


1. Knows the heavenly Father and represents Yah to his children.


2. Loves the mother of his children.


3. Loves his children.


4. Is responsible for his children.


5. Teaches and instructs his children.


6. Trains and disciplines his children.


7. Encourages his children.


8. Comforts his children.


9. Warns his children.


10. Does not provoke his children.


11. Leaves a strong spiritual legacy for his children.