MALE-FEMALE DIFFERENCES

Genesis chapter 2







Today we are walking in: Male- Female Differences







Today we look to the word-NEED- H4270- machcowr- deficiency; hence, impoverishment:—lack, need, penury, poor, poverty, want.







The Torah testifies………...


Deuteronomy 15:8


But thou shalt open thine hand wide unto him, and shalt surely lend him sufficient for his need H4270, in that which he wanteth.







The Prophets proclaim………….


1 Samuel 21:15


Have I need H4270 of mad men, that ye have brought this fellow to play the mad man in my presence? shall this fellow come into my house?







The Writings witness……….


2 Chronicles 2:16


And we will cut wood out of Lebanon, as much as thou shalt need H4270: and we will bring it to thee in floats by sea to Joppa; and thou shalt carry it up to Jerusalem.








Male-Female Differences


Until the Male Recognizes the Female’s Yah-Given Strengths, He Will Be Weak in Those Areas, because She Is Designed to Supply What He Lacks.


Yah created men and women with perfectly complementary designs. The male is perfect for the female, and the female is perfect for the male. It is when men and women expect each other to think, react, and behave in the same ways—that is, when they don‘t know or appreciate their Yah-given differences—that they experience conflict. Yet when they understand and value each other‘s purposes, they can have rewarding relationships, and they can blend their unique designs harmoniously for Yah‘s glory.


One of the greatest problems I‘ve seen while counseling couples is that husbands and wives don‘t realize that the needs of their spouses are different from their own. Remember the principle that purpose determines nature, and nature determines needs? If a woman wants to help a man fulfill his purpose, she must learn his nature, how he functions, and what his needs are. She can‘t give him what she needs, because his needs are often different from hers. Consider this illustration: you fill up your car‘s gas tank with gasoline so that it will run. However, you don‘t pour gasoline on your plants to make them grow. Each entity needs to be given what is appropriate for its own nature and needs. The same principle holds true for males and females.


Sometimes I hear men say, ―I don‘t need a woman. These men fail to realize that women were designed to benefit them. Recall that when Yah created the world, He said that everything was good except for one thing: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18, emphasis added). When Yah created man‘s helper, He made her as strong as the man, so that she can help him. We have to appreciate the fact that males and females have different strengths, and that each can‘t fully function without the other. There are some strengths that Yah has given the female that the male does not possess. Until he recognizes the strengths Yah has placed within the female, he will be weak in those areas, because she was designed to supply what he lacks.


The Distinct Natures of Men and Women


In this teaching, we‘ll explore the major differences between men and women in the way they think, act, and respond, so we can better meet one another‘s needs and work cooperatively to fulfill Yah‘s purposes. Again, these differences are not right or wrong, better or worse; they are just different. Keep in mind also that these are general tendencies. Some of these qualities may be manifested in either males or females, depending on how Yah has gifted them to fulfill their individual purposes.


1. Differences in Primary Needs


The primary needs of males are (1) Honor, (2) recreational companionship, and (3) sex. The primary needs of females are (1) love, (2) conversation, and (3) affection.


The Male’s Need for Honor


A man doesn‘t just desire honor, he needs it. It is part of his nature as leader, protector, and provider. The need for honor is at the core of his self-esteem, and it affects every other area of his life. More than anyone else, a wife can meet her husband‘s need for admiration and honor by understanding his value and achievements. She needs to remind him of his capabilities and help him to maintain his self-confidence. She should be proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man with whom she has chosen to share her life.


A single man needs honor as much as a married man does. He needs the sisterly affirmation of female relatives and friends if he is to feel fulfilled as a man.


The Female’s Need for Love


Yah created the female so the male would have someone with whom to share earthly love. To love means to cherish and to care for. Because she was created for the purpose of receiving love, a woman doesn‘t just desire love, she truly requires it. As much as a man needs to know that he is honored, a woman needs to feel that she is loved. A woman wants to feel that she is important and special to her husband. When a man spends time with a woman, it makes her feel cherished because she knows she comes first in his life. She feels cared for when he goes out of his way to make sure she has everything she needs.


If a woman is single, receiving love is still her greatest need. Male relatives and friends can meet her need by showing brotherly love through acts of kindness, companionship, and assistance during life‘s difficulties.


Yah affirmed these primary needs in Ephesians 5:33: “Each one of you [husbands] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must honor her husband.”


The Male’s Need for Recreational Companionship


It is a man‘s competitive or ―territorial nature that leads to his need for recreational companionship. He needs to be involved in challenging activities, and although he likes to win, he also desires to share these experiences with others. Nothing blesses a man more than when a woman is involved in his favorite recreation. If a wife participates in what her husband enjoys doing—playing tennis, visiting historical landmarks, playing an instrument, or designing computer programs, for example—and lets him tell her all about them, she can strengthen her relationship with him. He will feel good that she is involved with him in his inter- ests. When a couple shares important aspects of their lives with one another, they build understanding, companion- ship, and intimacy in their marriage.


The Female’s Need for Conversation


Because males have a leadership mindset, sometimes their conversations with their wives amount to instructions rather than a give-and-take dialogue. A woman desires to have a man talk with her, not at her.


Some men say, ―What am I going to talk about with my wife? They don‘t realize that a woman has a need to express herself and therefore has much within her that she wants to share. The man can fulfill a woman‘s need for intimate conversation by continually making a point to communicate with her. To truly meet her need, he should talk with her at the feeling level and not just the knowledge and information level. She needs him to listen to her attitudes about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern, resisting the impulse to offer solutions. Instead, he should offer his full attention and understanding. A man should conduct his end of the conversation with courtesy and openness, telling her what he really thinks and feels.


A male needs to share his interests, and a female needs conversation: these related needs can be a wonderful bridge of communication between men and women.


The Male’s Need for Sex


As we saw in the previous teaching, the male is almost always ready sexually. A man‘s need for sex is one of the strongest needs imaginable. It is an aspect of his makeup that gives him great fulfillment. Therefore, it is important for a woman to be sensitive to her husband‘s need for sex.


Sometimes, a woman sees a man‘s sexual energy as animalistic and thoughtless. If his approach is too abrupt or too aggressive, she may tell him to leave her alone. There are also times when she is not ready for sexual relations because of her cycle, so she will put him off. In these situations, the man may interpret her refusals as disinterest or dishonor, instead of recognizing the underlying reasons behind them.


On the other hand, some women pay more attention to community activities than they do to their husbands. In a sense, they neglect their husbands‘ sexual needs because they claim they are too busy serving Yah. Some women may even think it is not ―spiritual for them to engage in physical relations—perhaps because of the way they were brought up. These views are erroneous and can be a damaging witness to a husband. Sex was part of Yah‘s original design for humanity, and it is a holy thing between a husband and wife.


Men and women must balance having their own needs fulfilled with showing consideration for one another. The Bible says that husbands and wives are to fulfill one another‘s sexual needs (1 Cor. 7:3–5). It also says that a husband is to be sensitive to his wife‘s overall needs, treating her with consideration and honor. (See 1 Peter 3:7.)


The Female’s Need for Affection


While one of the male‘s primary needs is sex, one of the female‘s primary needs is affection. If these two interrelated needs are not lovingly understood and balanced, they can cause some of the worst conflicts in a marriage.


The woman‘s natural focus is on the sensory, intuitive, and emotional realms of life, and this is why she has a corresponding need for affection. She needs an atmosphere of affection in order to feel loved and fulfilled.


Men and women need to understand that affection creates the environment for sexual union in marriage, while sex is the event. Most men don‘t realize this, so they immediately go after the event. They don‘t know what it means to create an environment of affection. Instead, they focus only on their own needs. Yet affection is something the man has to initiate. If a man is not sure how to be affectionate, he should sit down with his wife and ask her— gently and sincerely.


Affection is the environment in which to grow a wonderful marriage. Giving affection to a woman means appealing to that which makes her an emotional being. Sometimes a woman just wants her husband to sit with her, hold her hand, and talk with her. Her need can also be met by plenty of hugs and kisses; a steady flow of words, cards, and flowers; common courtesies; and meaningful gifts that show the man is thinking of her—that he esteems her and values her presence in his life.






2. Differences in Thinking and Processing


Another difference between men and women is that the male is naturally a ―logical thinker, whereas the female is naturally an ―emotional feeler. A male‘s first reaction will be a thinking one, but he will also feel. A female‘s first reaction will be an emotional one, followed by a thinking one. There is a physiological explanation for these tendencies.


Fewer nerves connect the two hemispheres of the male‘s brain compared to a woman‘s brain, so that the logical and emotional sides are not as closely related as they are for women. Because of this, a male basically needs to ―shift gears to move from his dominant logical side to his emotional side. This is why men often think in terms of facts and in a linear fashion. They think like a straight line—the shortest distance between two points—which gives them the ability to see the goal (the vision) and to focus their energies on reaching it in the most straightforward and direct way.


Men often dismiss women as emotional or illogical. They don‘t understand how women are made and the perspective they provide on life. The neural pathways between the left and right hemispheres of a woman‘s brain (both the logical and the emotional sides) are intact. This is why women are able to do multiple tasks at the same time, ra- ther than having to focus on just one. Women tend to think more like a grid than a straight line. A woman‘s brain is designed to pick up many details that men don‘t ―see, things that go beyond mere facts, such as the personalities, motivations, and feelings of both herself and others. She can perceive, analyze, evaluate, and see relationships between things all at the same time, like x, y, and z coordinates on a grid track a multiple of factors at the same time.


The woman can help the man see aspects of life, which, if overlooked or ignored, can become detours or potholes preventing him from reaching his goal or from reaching it as quickly as he might have. Her peripheral vision keeps him from being blindsided as he single-mindedly pursues his goals and objectives. On the other hand, the man‘s linear thinking helps the woman not to become so enmeshed in the many layers of her multi-dimensional thinking and emotions that she loses sight of the goal and never reaches it. Instead of dismissing each other as ―unfeeling or ―emotional, men and woman need to appreciate their unique perspectives, which can greatly benefit one another.


3. Differences in Speaking and Hearing Language


The Spoken Word


When a male speaks, it is generally an expression of what he is thinking. When a female speaks, it is usually an expression of what she is feeling. They are communicating two completely different types of information.


Women often don‘t understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. It‘s very important for a woman not to come to any firm conclusions about a man‘s motivation for what he‘s saying until she discovers what he‘s feeling. There are many men who are feeling emotions that they have difficulty verbalizing. A woman needs to learn to create an environment that will enable a man to tell her what he is feeling. When she works through his thinking, she will find out what he is feeling—and she will discover that what he‘s feeling is often very different from what he‘s been saying.


In contrast, a woman doesn‘t always tell a man what she‘s thinking. If she becomes emotional, he needs to be patient and work through her emotions to find out what she‘s thinking. Sometimes, he has to dig deep to find out what is actually on her mind—because what a woman is thinking is often different from what she is saying. This process can take patience on the part of the man, because he wants just the facts and likes to quickly arrive at the bottom line. A woman is thinking on a variety of levels, however, and it takes her longer to process all these details and arrive at a conclusion.


If men and women aren‘t careful, they will come to the wrong conclusions about each other‘s true intentions, without knowing what the woman is really thinking or the man is really feeling. This error has caused many people to think that their marriages or relationships aren‘t working. Once they understand these differences, however, they can exercise patience and endeavor to come to the heart of the matter. Both men and women will experience great satisfaction when they are truly listened to and appreciated.


The Heard Word


When a man listens to spoken language, he considers it a process by which he receives information. However, for the female, it is an emotional experience.

A man will hear a verbal communication and conclude that it is either useful or worthless, true or untrue, logical or illogical. It is all facts and information to him. However, because a woman is an ―emotional feeler, she evaluates both the verbal and nonverbal communication she receives and perceives from the world around her. She not only receives thoughts and ideas into her being but also transforms them as she processes them. When a woman receives information, she assesses it both mentally and emotionally at the same time. The male generally uses these functions separately. Her emotions are with her all the time she is thinking, and this influences her perspective on the world around her as well as what is communicated to her.


When a man and woman learn that they comprehend the spoken word in distinct ways, they can tailor their communication styles to match the way the other best receives and processes information. This method will bring about improved understanding and eliminate much stress in relationships. A man and woman can also broaden their perspectives by asking the other what he or she thought of various people and circumstances they have both encountered.


4. Differences in Problem-Solving


Men are often like filing cabinets. That is, they make decisions quickly and ―file them away in their minds. Or they put a problem in a mental ―to do folder and go on to other things. They reopen the folder only when they feel ready to deal with it. In contrast, women are generally like computers. Their minds keep going and going, working things through, until a problem is solved.


These approaches to problem-solving are the reason men and women will often react differently to life‘s difficulties or conflicts in interpersonal relationships. Men tend to be resentful about such things, and it‘s harder for them to see past their anger. They might just ―file away the problems, as we saw earlier. On the other hand, women are guilt-prone; therefore, they often feel responsible for these situations, whether they have caused them or not. Even if they are angry, they will look within to see what they could have done differently or how they can resolve the situation.


Men and women can eliminate much frustration in their relationships by understanding each other‘s problem-solving strengths and using them to benefit one another. For instance, a woman can assist a man in resolving a problem with a coworker by talking through the difficulty with him and helping him to recognize the motivations and feelings involved. A man can help a woman come to a decision more quickly by acknowledging her feelings about a situation but also clearly outlining for her the facts and options involved. Taking into consideration both intuitive and factual information will help men and women to make better decisions.