SHOULD A WOMAN BE IN LEADERSHIP!!! PART 2!!!!!

Proverbs chapter 31







Today we are walking in: Should A Woman Be In Leadership










Today we look to the word: RESTORE- H8421- shuwb- to come back; specifically to reply:—answer, restore, return (an answer).







The Torah testifies………….




Leviticus 6:5

Or all that about which he hath sworn falsely; he shall even restore H8421 it in the principal, and shall add the fifth part more thereto, and give it unto him to whom it appertaineth, in the day of his trespass offering.




Deuteronomy 22:2




And if thy brother be not nigh unto thee, or if thou know him not, then thou shalt bring it unto thine own house, and it shall be with thee until thy brother seek after it, and thou shalt restore H8421 it to him again.










The Prophets proclaim………….




Nehemiah 5:11

Restore H8421, I pray you, to them, even this day, their lands, their vineyards, their oliveyards, and their houses, also the hundredth part of the money, and of the corn, the wine, and the oil, that ye exact of them.




Nehemiah 5:12

Then said they, We will restore H8421 them, and will require nothing of them; so will we do as thou sayest. Then I called the priests, and took an oath of them, that they should do according to this promise.







The Writings witness…….




Job 20:18

That which he laboured for shall he restore H8421, and shall not swallow it down: according to his substance shall the restitution be, and he shall not rejoice therein.





Psalm 51:12

Restore H8421 unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.










Yah Wants To Restore Women to Their Full Leadership Role




We need to remember that, even though the woman’s influence power has the potential to harm, it was Yah who originally gave her this leadership gift when He created her. The influence is not the result of the Fall; the corruption of the influence is. It is Yah's desire that the woman be restored to her full leadership role and use this influence for His good purposes. Yah indicated that this was His plan even at the time of the Fall. All of the declarations that Yah gave Eve and Adam in Genesis 3 are Yah's responses to the Fall. He said that, in the end, He was going to restore what He had established in the beginning. How? Through the redemption of Yahusha Hamachiach and the coming of the Ruach Hackodesh.




When the Ruach Hackodesh comes back into a woman’s life, Yah‘s plan for her reverts to what it was originally. This is why Peter said, “husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as... Heirs with you of the gracious gift of life” (1 Peter 3:7, emphasis added).




Women are joint and equal heirs of salvation with men. This means that, when a woman receives salvation in Yahusha Hamachiach, She becomes equal in rulership again. At the time of the fall, Yah cursed HaSatan and promised that He would deal with him decisively at a later time. The seed of the woman would come and crush his head and take away his power. Let us look more closely at how Yah accomplished his plan of restoration for the woman (and the man) through Hamachiach.




Hamachiach Restored the Woman to Partnership




The Bible is an account of Yah’s restoration program.




Yahusha Hamachiach restored humanity to Yah’s purpose and plan. I define the plan of Yah very simply. Genesis 1-2 is a depiction of Yah‘s perfect program for the spirit-man and his manifestation as male and female. Chapter 3 reveals how and why this program fell apart. Genesis 3 to Revelations 21, the last chapter of the Bible, explains what Yah has done and is still doing to restore Humanity to His original program (and even beyond that). The Bible is an account of Yah's restoration program, which He effected through various covenants with his people.




Hamachiach’s life, death, and resurrection accomplished the redemption of man. The sacrifice of the perfect man made atonement for the sins of the fallen man and restored humanity to the fellowship with Yah it had enjoyed in the Garden of Eden. This means that the curse of sin is removed from people’s lives when they receive Hamachiach’s redemptive work and are born again. Hamachiach’s own Spirit comes to dwell within them, they are restored to Yah‘s purposes, and they are able to love and serve Yah again.




Under the redemptive work of Hamachiach, the woman is not only restored to fellowship with Yah but is restored to the position of partner with her male counterpart. Therefore, she is no longer to be dominated or ruled by the male, because, if she were, it would mean that the redemptive work of Hamachiach had not been successful.




The woman was created by Yah to be a helper, not a slave. There is a big difference between the two. The Bible refers to the Ruach Hackodesh as a helper. (See John 15:26; 16:7 NKJV.) Yahusha said that the Ruach Hackodesh not only would help us, but also would lead us. “He will guide you into all truth“ (John 16:13). The Ruach Hackodesh is the Paraclete, meaning the one who can help us as well as be a comforter, counselor, and guide.




Being a helper does not mean being inferior. A helper can be a guide and a teacher. Therefore, although the male is always the responsible head in Yah's design, he is not the “boss.“ He is not the owner of the woman.




Remember that when Yah addresses the human race, he never addresses us as a male and female; he addresses us as “man.“ He deals with the spirit man within both male and female. In order to function on earth as man, however, males and females each exercise an aspect of leadership that was given to man, the spirit.




While the man is ultimately the responsible head, the woman is a coleader. A good illustration of this is the leadership between Yahusha and His Ekklesia. Yahusha is called the head, and the Ekklesia is called the body (Colossians 1:18). They work in unison with one another. Hamachiach’s relationship to the Ekklesia is the perfect model for us of the male-female relationship in Yah‘s purposes for the woman in her dominion leadership role.




Hamachiach’s Influential Bride




Hamachiach’s sacrificial work on the crucifixion stake redeemed the power of influence in a beautiful example of Yah‘s love and purposes. When it was time for Yahusha to die on the crucifixion stake, He knew He was about to begin a journey that would involve something along these lines: “I have to return to my Father, but I want to influence the world for my kingdom. I am the King and I am the Word; therefore, I exercise position power. To influence the world, I need a wife, a partner, who has influence power.”




The experience of the second Adam is parallel with the experience of the first. For example, Yahusha had to be born a male because the male is the source; moreover Hamachiach had to be a male because He came to fulfill what Adam had failed to do. To accomplish this, he experienced something very close to what Adam experienced when Yah created the woman. He who is the second Adam went to sleep (in his death on the crucifixion stake) so that Yah could take out of him a woman name ekklesia, The Ekklesia. When Hamachiach’s side was pierced by the spear, blood and water poured out; symbolically, the Ekklesia was born of blood and water, the blood of Hamachiach and the water of the Word. Therefore, the Ekklesia was brought forth from Hamachiach’s side as the woman was brought forth from the side of the man.




Hamachiach left the earth in the hands of a woman, the Ekklesia.




The Ekklesia is described in the Bible as a “she,“ a bride, a woman. It is given a feminine designation. As Eve was presented to Adam in perfection, Hamachiach says that he will present to himself “a radiant Ekklesia... Holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:27). Yahusha told his bride, “I love you.“ Then he said to men, “husbands, love your wives as I love my wife.“ How does Hamachiach show love to the community? He cleanses her with the washing of the water by the Word; he takes away every spot, wrinkle, and blemish (see verses 25-28), just as Adam was supposed to have done for Eve.




Adams job was to protect Eve and to make sure that she was kept continually cleansed by communicating Yah‘s word to her. Adams' failure was that he, in a sense, abandoned Eve, and that is why she was vulnerable to HaSatan‘s enticement. Then, when Eve went to Adam after having disobeyed Yah‘s word, instead of correcting her, he joined with her in disobedience.




Yahusha however, is the perfect man. He told his wife, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” Hebrews 13:5. This is what makes the difference. HaSatan cannot overcome the Ekklesia, because Hamachiach will never leave her. He’s maintaining His perfect vigil over her. He is the perfect Adam.




Before Yah created Eve, he first declared that she was to help Adam in fulfillment of the dominion assignment; she would be his helper. The ekklesia fulfills exactly the same role for Hamachiach. Being a member of the body of Hamachiach not only means receiving salvation but also helping The Most High in His purpose of winning the world to Himself. This is why He gave the Ekklesia the responsibility of going into the world as a witness for Him. It is His plan to draw the world to Himself in salvation, and it is the Ekklesiaes role to help Him to do it.




Yahusha said to His woman, “I am going to leave the entire world in your care because I need someone who can influence the world for me.“ Therefore, Hamachiach left the earth in the hands of a woman, the Ekklesia. All Hebrew women and men or a part of this woman.




The Ekklesia helps Yahusha to accomplish His redemptive assignment. He sees her as a perfect leader, and he shows this by the fact that he has entrusted the word of Yah to her. Now, the implication of this is that the female is a trusted leader, just as the male is. The Ekklesia is not the servant of Yahusha, just as the female is not the servant of the male, but his partner. “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his masters business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).




In Hamachiach, Yah‘s purposes have been restored. Yahusha told the Ekklesia, “You will be seated with me in heavenly places“ (Ephesians 1:20). He did not say, “You will be seated below me.” Since Hamachiach is the King, the Ekklesia is his Queen. We need to see Yah‘s intent for the female in this portrayal of Hamachiach and the Ekklesia. She is not meant to sit below the man, but to be his partner in leadership, in dominion.




This principle is extremely important: when men treat women as inferior, lesser, or weak beings, when they oppress or suppress her, they are damaging themselves; they are undermining their own purpose and potential. Both the male-man and the female-man are made in Yah's image. Any oppression of that image is an oppression of oneself: “He who loves his wife loves himself“ (Ephesians 5:28).




Yah’s Plan Has Already Been Restored




Yah‘s plan for the woman and leadership has already been restored.




What we need to fully realize is that Yah‘s plan for the woman in leadership has already been restored. It is not just for a future time. However, now we need to have our minds renewed in this truth so that we may understand in advance Yahs redeemed purposes for the woman. This is where the challenge currently lies in the world and especially in the community. Most communites are still struggling with the issue of women in leadership or how to translate a woman’s influence power into practice in the community.




What about Paul’s Writings




In the minds of many people in the community, the teachings of Paul regarding women in leadership either outright forbid her to participate in a leadership role or are contradictory, at best. I believe that his writings are very clear if we understand that he wrote them in the context of Yah‘s purpose and design for man (the spirit), and in the context of practical instruction for males and females who are trying to deal with the negative effects of the Fall within their own cultural environments. I believe that Paul wrote from both of these contexts.




In other words, when Paul wrote, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Hamachiach Yahusha“ (Galatians 3:28), he was talking about the spirit man, who Hamachiach redeemed. Therefore, in the body of Hamachiach, in the Spirit, you are dealing with man, where there is no difference in gender. In other letters, Paul was addressing problems people were dealing with in places like Corinth or Ephesus, where people's cultural heritage was making it difficult for them to adjust to their new Hebrew faith. For example, he told the Corinthians, “Women should remain silent in the Ekklesiaes. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says” (1Corinthians 14:34).




This passage has been terribly misunderstood and has been used as a general rule in order to keep women down, to subjugate and oppress them. Many people don’t realize that, in the same letter, Paul gave instructions to women who pray or prophesy in the community (1 Corinthians 11:5). Obviously, they needed to speak in order to do that. Therefore, I believe that Paul’s instructions to the Corinthians had to do with keeping order in the community when the people’s carnality or cultural background was creating confusion and discord. Yah is a Yah of order. Based on Paul’s other writings and on Scriptures and biblical principles from both the Old and New Testaments, these few instructions of Paul’s should not be considered the final or only word in the matter.




Today, however, because of Paul’s desire to bring order to these new congregations, we have people saying that women are to be silent in the communites, wear hats, and basically be seen and not heard. They claim a woman cannot lead or preach. We have become so focused on what amounts to legalism that we are missing Yah‘s revelation of what the woman is: she is the spirit-man within the female.




Let us ask ourselves,





What is more important, culture or Hamachiach?


What is a more valid example of Yah’s purposes, a spirit-filled woman or a carnal woman?


Did Yahusha ever command a woman to be silent?


Did Yahusha ever stop a woman from preaching?




As a matter of fact, the woman at the well went preaching after Yahusha set her free, and then she became an evangelist.




Sometimes we make Paul’s sayings more important than Yahushas’ own revelation of Yah‘s purposes. Please do not misunderstand what I am saying. It’s all Yah's word. Yet Paul in these statements was dealing with specific cultural issues; Hamachiach was dealing with principles. Culture should not be confused with principles. Yahusha elevated, promoted, and restored women to their original dignity. Moreover, Paul himself affirmed the woman’s equality with man in Hamachiach.




Even before Yahusha died on the crucifixion stake, he affirmed women in his earthly ministry in a way that was revolutionary to fallen man, but was right in line with Yah’s purposes for man in creation. This was a striking illustration of his honor for women and their value to him as their Creator and Redeemer.




As I said earlier, if you are a male who has problems with a female teacher, I encourage you to close your eyes and listen to the spirit-man speaking. This approach has helped many men. Listen to what’s being said. If the female house is the problem, then ignore the house and listen to the resident, the spirit-man within, because Yah speaks through the spirit-man. It is the spirit that gives life (2 Corinthians 3:6).




Therefore, it’s not only the male, but also the female, who can be a leader. Moreover, their leadership styles do not cancel each other out, it is the combination of position power and influence power that enables man to exercise dominion over the world and which will bring the kingdom of Yah on earth. HaSatan is in trouble when the two types of power come together in unity of purpose.




Strangers In a Strange Land




Trapped in every follower is an undiscovered leader.




Trapped in every follower is an undiscovered leader, and there are many undiscovered leaders in the women of our communities. Yet women are very productive leaders. The saying is true: If you want something done, give it to a woman. Her influence power is highly effective. Even when she is in a role that has traditionally been a position-power role, she brings her influence, her instincts, and her other special gifts to this role. That is why, for example, women make such good negotiators in government and business.




There are communities filled with women, but men don’t allow them to hold responsible positions. I don’t understand this. Women are leaders; they influence positive growth and change. Men in the community will often say that they will do something, and then they won’t show up. Women don’t say anything, but they do show up, and they influence others to come, also.




Abolitionist Harriet Tubman said that when she crossed the line to freedom, “I was free; but there was no one to welcome me to the land of freedom. I was a stranger in a strange land. Many women feel the same way about their leadership abilities. They have been set free by Hamachiach, restored to their place of partnership, but there is no one to welcome them into this land of freedom and service for Yah. They feel like strangers in a strange land, even though they are supposed to be in the promised land of the community.




Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Hamachiach has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.“ It is time men welcome women to the land of freedom.




Principles





Yah endorsed women in leadership when he purposefully sent a woman (Miriam) to be a leader to his people.


Instead of asking if women should be in leadership, we should be asking how they are to exercise it, given their purpose and design.


The spirit man in every male and female is a leader.


The execution of dominion is different from males and females based on their purpose and design. The males exercise position-power and the female exercises influence-power.


Power and influence are equal, but different. A woman and a man are equal in leadership. The difference is in their leadership functions.


Influence-Power may be more subtle than position-power, but it has a potent effect.


When a woman is not under the influence of the Ruach Hackodesh, her influence can become dangerous.


Through redemption, Hamachiach restored the woman to full partnership with the man.


Paul’s writings on women reflect two contexts: a woman’s equality with a man based on their redemption in Hamachiach and a cultural context.


Even before Yahusha died on the crucifixion stake, he affirmed women in his earthly ministry in a way that was revolutionary to fallen man, but was right in line with Yah‘s purposes for humanity in creation.




CONCLUSION: THE PROVERBS 31 WOMEN




No teaching about the purpose and power of women would be complete without discussing the woman who is considered the epitome of both womanhood and power: the woman of Proverbs 31.




Some women don’t even like to read this chapter of the Bible because they are overwhelmed by all the things this woman is supposed to be able to do. “Well, if I had a staff of servants like she had, I could do all of those things, too!“ They exclaim. Yet when we consider our exploration of Yah‘s purposes for the woman from creation to redemption, and when we think about how the woman has been set free to fulfill his purposes, Proverbs 31 gives us tremendous perspective on what a woman is meant to be. Let us not become overwhelmed when reading about what this woman does and miss out on the central message of who she is.




One of the themes that Proverbs 31 is trying to communicate is this: the woman is a doer. She is a multitasker. She is responsible for taking care of her husband, children, home, job, talents, community commitments, charitable work, and sometimes elderly parents. She is a helper and she is a leader. She receives seed into her physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual blooms, incubates it, and then uses it to build and transform the world around her.




However, while she is fulfilling all of these vital purposes in the home and in the world, she must always remember that a woman’s first place is in Yah. Proverbs 31 reminds the woman, “Don’t neglect your relationship with Yah, and don’t forget to develop his character in your inner being as you go about your extremely busy life.”




A woman wants to feel that she is valued for the contributions she is making to her family and community.




It is much too easy to begin to overlook Yah when you are taking care of so many other people and responsibilities. This takes us full circle to what we learned about the woman at the beginning of this series. The woman was created to be loved by Yah and to have fellowship with him as a spirit-being made in his image. She was meant to reflect his character and likeness, to represent his true nature. Yah created the woman to have his moral characteristics within her inner being. She is not only to resemble him as a spirit, but also in these qualities. She was designed to act and function as Yah does, in love and grace. Therefore, Proverbs 31 is saying, “While you are doing what Yah has called and gifted you to do, don’t forget the importance of his character in your life“;




A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. (v.10)




Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears The Most High is to be praised. (v.30)




Women need to realize that their relationship with The Most High in the development of his character in their lives is an essential foundation that will strengthen and sustain them in all their activities and accomplishments. With continual refreshing from The Most High, they can purposefully engage in their many responsibilities and fulfill the exciting purposes Yah has for them.




In some ways, a woman may derive her self-esteem from her activities almost as much as a man derives his self image from his work. She wants to feel that she is valued for the contribution she is making to her family and her community. Yet because she is an emotional feeler, she places this need in the context of her relationships and emotions, and so it is not easily recognized for what it is.




Hamachiach has freed the woman and made her an equal partner with the man so that she can fulfill his purposes for her and develop all the gifts that he has given her. He has freed her from the effects of sin and from the oppression that says she is inferior to men, however, now that she has been set free, she has to guard against suppressing herself. How? By doing at the expense of being.




The world tells us to prove our worth by what we accomplish. The Bible tells us to accept our worth in the one who loves us. You don’t have to justify your worth by how much you are doing for others or how many activities you were engaged in:




For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of Sonship. And by whom we cry, ‘Abba father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are Yah's children. (Romans 8:15)




A woman needs to find her identity in Hamachiach.




A woman first needs to find her identity in who she is in Hamachiach, Yah‘s beloved child. It is only as she does this that she can be fulfilled and carry out his plans for her. When a woman submits to Yah, Hamachiach will work in her and through her by his spirit. In this way, she will be enabled to fulfill all the purposes he has for her, but in his strength, not her own. “We have not received the spirit of the world with the spirit who is from Yah, that we may understand what Yah has really given us” (1 Corinthians 2:12).




The woman of Proverbs 31 is not just a busy woman. She is a woman who knows her purpose in Yah. For example,





She knows that she is to trust Yah and draw her strength from him so that she will not be paralyzed by anxiety; her family and others with whom she is in relationship will be able to put their confidence in her; they will know she has their best interest in mind (vv. 11-15).


She knows that Yah values her abilities and intelligence, and so she is free to pursue opportunities and make plans for expanding her realm of influence (vv. 16-18, 24)


She knows that Yah is her ultimate source and desires to bless her, so she sets about her work with energy and anticipation. She has a good attitude and doesn’t complain (v. 17).


Since Yah has blessed her, she desires to be a blessing to others, and she reaches out to those less fortunate than she (v. 20).


Because she knows that her worth comes from her position in Yah, she treats herself with honor (v. 25).


She has immersed herself in Yah‘s word in order to know his ways, and therefore she is able to give godly wisdom and instruction to others. She honors Yahusha with her life (v. 26).


Because she has come to know the Yah of all encouragement, she is an encouragement to her husband, children, friends, and coworkers and invests herself in their lives (v. 28).




I wholeheartedly encourage you to pursue all of Yah‘s purposes for you. He created your spirit out of his being and out of his love. He designed you perfectly to fulfill your calling in him. Accept the freedom he has given you in Hamachiach. Know that you are esteemed by him. Develop the creative ideas he has given you in your innermost being. Use the many gifts and talents he is placed within you. Be the blessing to yourself, your family, and your community that he has created you to be.




Yet most of all, discover that not only was your spirit created out of Yah, but also that “your life is now hidden with the Hamachiach in Yah“ (Colossians 3:2).




Your place is with and in Him.

SHOULD A WOMAN BE IN LEADERSHIP!!!!!

Genesis chapter 2







Today we are walking in: Should Women Be In Leadership







Today we look to the word-LEADER- H5057 nagiyd-- leader, ruler, captain, prince; excellent thing, (chief) governor, leader, noble, prince, (chief) ruler.





The Torah Testifies.............................

*****








The prophets proclaim...............





Isaiah 55:4 - Behold, I have given him for a witness to the people, a leader H5057 and commander to the people.










The writings bear witness.............





2Chronicles 32:21 - And the LORD sent an angel, which cut off all the mighty men of valour, and the leaders H5057 and captains in the camp of the king of Assyria. So he returned with shame of face to his own land. And when he was come into the house of his god, they that came forth of his own bowels slew him there with the sword







I had crossed the line. I was free; but there was no one to welcome me to the land of freedom. I was a stranger in a strange land.

~Harriet Tubman




What we have discussed so far about Yah’s purpose and design for females prepares us to ask one of today’s most controversial questions: should women be in leadership? For those of faith, this question usually has a specific focus: should a woman be in a position of leadership in the community? The word of Yah Gives us the answers to both of these questions.




Before coming to conclusions about any issue, it is important to consider what the word of Yah as a whole has to say about it. It is too easy to take one verse and build an entire doctrine upon it. This often has been the case historically as the community has looked at the question of women and leadership.




Consequently, we will explore this topic using the approach we have used throughout the series. We will look at Yah‘s purpose for the female and how it relates to leadership. To do this, we will look at examples from both the old and New Testament that shed light on this very important issue, so that we may have a clear understanding of Yah‘s intent for us. At the same time, the subject of women and leadership is a very broad one and could be the theme of the entire series. Therefore we will look at the primary principles of women in leadership based on Yah‘s word.




“I Sent You Three Leaders”




In the book of Micah, Yah made a remarkable statement that many people overlook and most men do not want to read.




Yah sent a woman to lead.




If most males were asked, “Was Moses a great leader?” their answer would be, emphatically yes. I believe that Moses is probably the greatest leader in the Old Testament record, the man Yah chose to bring his people out of slavery in Egypt. Moses was obviously a great minister of administration. He learned much of this from his father-in-law, Jethro, Who taught him to delegate rather than to take too great a load of responsibility on himself. Moses was a man of tremendous strength and character, although he was also a man of weakness. Yet Yah balances weaknesses with the power of His anointing. During the time of the exodus and for 40 years in the desert, Moses was an extraordinarily effective and inspiring leader.




However, I want you to read a statement Yah made in Micah 6:4. Women should take this verse to heart and remember it for the rest of their lives. Yah said “I brought you up from the land of Egypt, I redeemed you from the house of bondage; and I sent before you Moses, Aaron, and Miriam” (NKJV).




Yah was saying, “I sent you three leaders.”




We always talk about Moses, the representative and administrative leader. We also talk about Aaron, the high priest and spiritual leader. But Yah mentioned another leader that many men are uncomfortable reading about. He said, “I also sent Miriam to lead you.”




Yah sent a woman to lead. This fact contradicts many of the attitudes that men have had for years about women in leadership. When Yah purposefully appointed Miriam to be a leader to his people, He endorsed the idea that it is valid for a woman to be in leadership. It is noteworthy that Yah did not send Miriam to lead because no men were available at the time. He sent her to lead alongside the man. He put her in a team of leaders. Since Yah acknowledged Miriam in the same list or category with Moses, we don’t have to question whether Yah intended women to be leaders. “I send before you Moses, Aaron, and Miriam.“




The Sinai leadership team included a director, a priest, and a woman. The director was Moses, the executive leader, and the priest was Aaron, the spiritual leader. Yet right in the middle of the executive leader and the spiritual leader, a woman was needed in order to bring balance to both of them. We will see the nature of her primary leadership role as we progress through this teaching.




Miriam‘s influential role as a leader over Israel looks back to Yah‘s purposes for the woman that He established when he created humanity, and a head to Hamachiach’s redemptive purposes for the woman in salvation. Yah intended women to be leaders from the creation of the world, and he confirmed his continued commitment to this intention through the ministry of His Son, Yahashua Hamachiach. This is the basis on which we will explore the woman’s role in leadership. Throughout this series we have seen the following:





Women and men (as man) are spiritually equal before Yah and equally as important to Him.


Women and men (as man) were given the dominion mandate.


Males and females (man’s “houses”) have distinct purposes and designs.


The complementary roles and abilities of males and females bring balance, strength, and help to each other as they fulfill Yah’s purposes.




In light of these principles, the question people have been asking, “should women be in leadership?“ becomes an entirely different question. Instead of asking if women should be in leadership, we should be asking how they are to exercise their leadership, given their purpose given their purpose and design. What does the woman’s purpose and design say about her leadership role?




Rediscovering the Leadership Purpose of Women




Anything Yah said about the male-female relationship after Genesis 2 is a repair program.




First, let us consider once again that the dominion mandate was given to man, not just to the male. Therefore, it is Yah‘s purpose that the woman, as well as the man, be fruitful and multiply, and replenish, subdue, and have dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:28). To have dominion means to govern, to rule, to subdue, to control, to manage, to lead, or to administrate. It is a powerful word. Both women and men were given the same assignment of dominion leadership. Yah loves leadership and had it in mind when he created the earth. This is why he wanted the world to be cultivated and not just to remain wilderness. He loves order. When Yah told man to have dominion, He was telling man who he is. Man (male and female) is a leader who is to cultivate the earth.




There is no incidence of subjection, submission, or oppression of women in the first and second chapters of Genesis. In Yah’s perfect will, there is no such arrangement. The woman and the man were both equal, blessed, subduing, ruling, and having dominion, and Yah said, “This is very good.” Any other arrangement than this was the result of the Fall. This means that anything that Yah said about the male-female relationship after Genesis 2 is a repair program.




Second, recall that the purpose of something determines its design, its nature, potential, and abilities. Therefore, since Yah‘s purpose for man was leadership, He designed the man and the woman with the built in potential and ability to be leaders.




Therefore, the leadership spirit is in every male and female. However, the way in which they execute dominion is different based on their distinct designs.




The Influence-Power of the Woman




Both the man and the woman were created to lead, but their leadership functions are determined by their specific dominion assignments. Yah designed the woman not only for a relationship with Himself, but also to help fulfill His purposes in his great plan for humanity. Therefore, women are designed by Yah to execute an assignment that can only be fulfilled by women.




Position-Power and Influence-Power




Yah designed the male to be a leader by position and the female to be a leader by influence. The man has position-power and the woman has influence-power. There is a difference between these two forms of leadership.




A man receives his leadership by his position, in that he was created first, and by his being the source of the woman, for whom he is responsible. His position has to do with his purpose in creation. The man became the head of his family by virtue of the fact that he was made first.




When Yah designed the female, He obviously had influence in mind. A woman is a receiver. Yah designed her to receive from the male and to incubate what she receives so that it can grow and develop. A woman is built to influence. Her wombs, whether physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual have a tremendous influence on what they receive by providing a nurturing and transforming environment. There is much truth in the saying, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.“




Position-power and influence-power are not mutually exclusive; they are meant to be exercised together in dominion. Let me give you an example of this.




We have seen that the male is the initiator of new human life. He carries the seed of life, the sperm. This is why the male carries, as it were, the seed of the nations. In the Bible, whenever Yah wanted to create a new nation, He called on a man to initiate it. Yet while the man is the father of the nations, he cannot create these nations without the participation of the woman. A sperm is no good to a man without a woman, just as a seed is no good without the soil.




Yah said to Abraham, “Your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you“ (Genesis 17:5-6). Yet no matter how much of an anointing Abraham had in order to become the “father of many nations,“ he still needed Sarah to help him fulfill his calling.




Power and influence are equal but different. A woman and a man are equal in leadership. The difference is in their leadership functions.




There are two important aspects of position power. First, position power generally comes with a title, such as king, governor, doctor, or pastor. Second, position power is usually executed through commands, whether verbal or written. It is the authority that goes with the position and underlies the commands; that is the nature of the man’s power.




Abraham needed Sarah to help him fulfill his calling.




Influence power manifests itself in a very different way. First, a woman may have a title, but she doesn’t need a title in order to lead. She leads by her influence. This is why women usually run the household. Men call themselves “the head of the house,“ but the woman runs the home. Second, a woman doesn’t need to talk in order to run things. She leads just by her influence. My father used to run our household with his mouth. He would say, “clean the kitchen”; “take the garbage out”; “Take your feet off that chair.“ However, my mother would just look at me, and my feet would be down off of that chair. The woman doesn’t need to say a word; she just looks, and people respond. This is a powerful influence. Some men assume that because many women are quiet or don’t bark out orders, they are weak. They do not understand influence power.




The Dangers Of Influence Power




Influence power may be more subtle and quiet than position power, but it has a potent effect. HaSatan understood this influence. The fall of man resulted from the serpents interference with influence leadership.





HaSatan went to influence power and used it to destroy the position power.




HaSatan is clever; when he wanted to destroy humanity, he went to the woman instead of the man. He was after the man, because the man is the foundation, but he couldn’t get to the man because position power can usually stand firm as long as its position is genuine. You can’t destroy position power directly; you have to destroy it through influence. Therefore, HaSatan went to the influence power to get at the position of power. He hasn’t changed his tactics since, because it worked so well.




HaSatan went to Eve and basically said, “I have a proposition for you. If you really want to be like Yah, pick the fruit and eat it.“ The Bible says that Eve looked at the fruit and saw that it was good for food and that it was beautiful. She picked it and ate it. Nothing bad appeared to happen to her, so she took it to her husband and influenced him to eat it. HaSatan went to the influence power and used it to destroy the position power.




Yet Yah is all powerful, and he was not defeated by HaSatan’s success. He immediately put a plan in motion that not only would restore humanity but also would defeat HaSatan. However, his plan meant that a new arrangement would need to be made in the relationship between females and males until his redemptive purposes could be fulfilled.




The power of a woman’s influence may be seen in Yah‘s original design for her and in His response to her after the fall of man:





In creation, Yah gave the woman the assignment of rulership. This shows the Honor He has for her.


Yah promised HaSatan that his destruction would come through the woman. He identified the woman as the instrument through which man would be redeemed.


The woman’s influence power, in its fallen state, is so potentially destructive that Yah felt He needed to put her under regulation for her own protection and the protection of others. Yah gave the male the assignment of regulating the influence power of the woman until the fullness of time when he would send His son, born of a woman, to complete the process of redeeming her place of partnership with the man.




A woman was not originally created by Yah to be regulated by a man. This is not Yah‘s plan for the woman. Humanity’s disobedience to Yah is what altered her situation but this alteration was only temporary. Because Yah knew the influence potential with which He had created the woman, He considered her to be more dangerous than the man in her fallen state. This is why Yah put her under regulation.




When Yah told the woman of this regulation, he was saying, in effect, “you are so powerful that I can’t trust you by yourself any longer.“ His action with the woman is parallel to his action of banishing Adam and Eve from the Garden to prevent them from eating of the tree of life and thereby being doomed to live forever in their corrupt state without any opportunity for redemption. He did it for her protection.




Yah said to the woman in Genesis 3:16, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.“ The word “rule“ means to “regulate“ rather than to “boss.“ Now, when it came to the man, Yah seemed to be saying, “as for you, Adam, your position power is not as dangerous as the woman’s influence powers, so you won’t need much regulation. I’m going to let thorns and thistles rule you. I am going to let the snags and difficulties of life that you would encounter rule over you. However, the woman will need plenty of leadership.“




This is why, when you meet a woman who does not have the Ruach Hackodesh in dwelling in her, you are encountering a dangerous package of influence that has the potential to bring destruction without inhibition. The woman doesn’t need regulation because she is the weaker vessel but because she is potentially the more dangerous one.




The woman needs regulation because she is potentially more dangerous.




What do I mean by dangerous? When a man is in charge, everybody knows it, because he announces it. “I’m here. I am the boss.“ Position power announces itself. Influence power just comes in and controls things. By the time you realize it’s presence, it has already taken over. Some of you who have been divorced know what I am talking about. An outside manipulative woman has come into your life and ruins your marriage. When a wife says to her husband who has been unfaithful, “how could you have done that!“ He often says, “I don’t know.“ He was waylaid by the power of influence.




A woman is more dangerous because hers is a silent power. You don’t even see when she is working. It is not necessarily presidents and Prime Minister‘s who are truly running our countries. Power is not only in the state house and the White House. It is in the bedroom. A woman doesn’t have to make a public policy speech. All she has to say is, “I don’t think you should do that, honey,“ and it becomes policy. Hers is a powerful influence.




Influence power is a tremendous gift from Yah that was intended to be used by women for good for the good of themselves, their families, their communities, their nations, the world, and the Kingdom of Yah. Yet women have to realize its potential for evil as well as for good. Even redeemed women have to be careful to discipline their influence power. Consider these examples of corrupted influence:





Adam sacrificed his relationship with Yah when he chose Eve’s influence over what Yah had told him. Although he was fully responsible for his action, this influence contributed to his temptation to rebel against Yah, which affected the future of humanity.


Abraham, who was called Yah‘s friend and was given the promise of a blessed son and heir by Yah, was influenced by his wife, Sarah, to take matters into his own hands and try to force the fulfillment of the promise through human means. When Sarah spoke, her voice became more influential to Abraham than Yah’s, even though he had had a personal visitation from The Most High. Today, we are still seeing the consequences of this influence and the never ending conflicts between the Arabs and the Jews.


Samson, whose unusual anointing enabled him to kill 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of a donkey and do other feats of strength, was influenced by Delilah to reveal the source of his strength. Then he was betrayed by her, resulting in his capture and eventual death.




The leadership of a woman is so powerful that Yah says it needs regulation if it isn’t under the control of the Ruach Hackodesh.

UNDERSTANDING THE WOMAN'S EMOTIONAL NEEDS!!! PART 2!!!!!

Genesis chapter 2







Today we are walking in: Understanding The Woman's Emotional Needs Part 2







Today we look to the word-NEED- H4270- machcowr- deficiency; hence, impoverishment:—lack, need, penury, poor, poverty, want.









The Torah testifies………...




Deuteronomy 15:8




But thou shalt open thine hand wide unto him, and shalt surely lend him sufficient for his need H4270, in that which he wanteth.









The Prophets proclaim………….




1 Samuel 21:15




Have I need H4270 of mad men, that ye have brought this fellow to play the mad man in my presence? shall this fellow come into my house?









The Writings witness……….




2 Chronicles 2:16




And we will cut wood out of Lebanon, as much as thou shalt need H4270: and we will bring it to thee in floats by sea to Joppa; and thou shalt carry it up to Jerusalem.







The Man Has a Need for Recreational Companionship




While the female has a need for conversion, the male has a need for recreational companionship. Notice that both of these needs have to do with sharing the company of others. This is why, when the woman participates in the man’s recreational interests, he will begin to converse with her. She is sharing one of his basic needs with him, and he appreciates it.




Nothing blesses a man more than when a woman is involved in his recreation.




I wish I could plant in the minds of women how important a man’s need for recreational companions is. It has to do with how he is designed. Because the man was created first and has a leadership nature, he seems to have an inborn need to protect his “domain” or “territory” from threats from the outside world. He is a protector. This is why a man needs to feel as if he is always winning at life. (You women may have noticed this trait already.) This need translates into desire to win over the competition in a sports event or to master a particular area of interest or expertise. It is this territorial nature that leads to his need for recreational companionship. He needs to be involved in challenging activities, and although he likes to win, he also likes to share these experiences with others.




Nothing blesses a man more than when a woman is involved in his recreation. I can’t emphasize enough how important this is. As I mentioned in the last teaching about a woman’s need for conversation, if a woman participates in whatever a man enjoys doing- playing tennis, visiting historical landmarks, playing an instrument, or designing computer programs, for example- and lets him tell her all about them, she can strengthen her relationship with him. He will feel good when she is involved with him in his recreation.




I’ve seen men pick up other women who participate in their recreational activity because they need the companionship. A wife may prevent this from happening if she becomes involved in her husband’s interests. If a man gains a sense of accomplishment through performing music, she should become familiar with his music. Whatever he considers his form of competition or whatever he is involved in that makes him feel as if he is shaping his own environment, she should become a part of.




I’ve heard women say things about their husbands such as, “That old fool; he always over at the ball field playing softball. I wish he would stop that and come home and be a husband.” This attitude won’t help the situation. He has a need that is being met out there on the ball field. Why would a man spend hours on something unless he has a need that is being fulfilled through it? Instead of fighting against what brings fulfillment to the man, the woman should find out why it is important to him. Then, if possible, she should participate init so that they can experience it together, thus building understanding, companionship, and intimacy in their relationship.




The Woman Needs Affection




Third, a woman needs affection. This need is a part of who she is. Remember this does not only apply to married couples but applies to your girlfriends, daughters and coworkers. A woman doesn’t just want affection- she needs it!




Yet while one of her primary needs is affection, one of the male’s primary needs is sex. If these two interrelated needs are not livingly understood and balanced, they can cause some of the worst conflicts in a marriage.




What men and women need to understand is that affection creates the environment for sexual union in marriage, while sex is the event. Most men don’t realize this, and so they immediately go after the event. They don’t know what it means to create an environment of affection. They focus only on their need. Men need sex, but women need affection, and they need this affection to precede sexual intimacy.




These differences, again, have to do with the distinct natures of males and females. The male was designed as the source. Not only was he the source, “material” for the creation of the female, but also he was given the source for creating new life through his seed or sperm. He is the provider of the seed, and therefore his natural inclination is to provide this source. This is one of the reasons why he concentrates on the event of sex.




The woman, on the other hand, is the one who gestates the new life. Her role is to provide a warm and secure environment in which the life can grow and develop. As an incubator, the woman’s natural focus is on the sensory, intuitive, and emotional realms of life, and this is why she has a corresponding need for affection. She needs an environment of affection in order to feel loved and fulfilled.




The problem is that man is not naturally affectionate. Many men simply do not understand how to give affection to their wives. How can a man give a woman what she needs when he feels he doesn’t have what she needs?




The man can learn to be affectionate. He can come to know the woman’s purpose and design and then meet her need for affection as it relates to this design.




The Woman’s Seasons




Men are to be considerate to their wives in sexual matters.




While a man is always sexually ready, a woman is not always ready for sexual relations. Yah designed her to be on a four-season cycle: summer, winter, autumn, and spring. You can always tell when it’s summer. The sun is at high noon- hot. Yah made her that way. Then comes autumn. Autumn is when the weather grows cooler and the woman begins acting a little more reserved. Then winter comes, and the man feels as if he’s been left out in the cold. Yet winter passes and suddenly spring arrives, it gets warmer, and everything is new again. A man needs to understand about the seasons of a woman. He might be ready, but for her, it could be wintertime.




Paul wrote, “Encourage the young men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:6), and, “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled” (Titus 2:2). Peter wrote, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect” (1 Peter 3:7).




Men are to be considerate and honorable to their wives in sexual matters. They need to be aware that the woman’s design is related to her purpose. She is designed to reproduce, and therefore her body has a reproductive cycle. Even though the man is the one who plants the seed, he has to plant it during the right season for the female. Yah designed her differently from a man because of her purpose in reproduction. The man needs to cooperate with this purpose so that both parties can be blessed.




Some men have absolutely no consideration for their wives in this matter. Lately, I’ve heard of many cases of marital rape. Men raping their wives is a big problem. They think that their marriage license gives them the license to force their wives. That is not being a man; it is being a beast. That is not love, it is rape, regardless of its being in the context of their legal relationship as husband and wife. This is wrong. Yah’s design is that genuine love be present in the marriage bed, where there is sensitivity, patience, care and affection.




Another problem is that, when a man gets his sexual need met, he usually believes the woman’s needs have also been met. This is not necessarily the case. Just because the man is satisfied doesn’t mean that the woman is, because a woman’s needs are different from a man’s. She experiences sexual union differently from the way in which he does. The man’s responsibility is to meet a woman’s needs by creating an environment of affection in which she can be fulfilled. If he creates this environment, then he will often have his own sexual need fulfilled.




What is affection? Giving affection to a woman means appealing to that which makes her an emotional being. We discussed some of what a man can do to express affection for his wife in the teaching on a woman’s need for love. Bringing her flowers, calling her everyday, sending her little cards even though it’s no particular “occasion,” going shopping with her, and holding her hand while walking down the street are all expressions of affection. A man might think it’s foolish to hold his wife’s hand as they are walking through the mall, but she will think it’s wonderful. The companionship they share will create an environment of affection.




Some women think, “I wish he would go shopping with me just once and push the cart in the food store.” Many men would respond to this, “Me push a grocery cart? She does the shopping.” Yet the woman wants the man to say, “Let’s do the shopping together. We can finish it faster that way, and then we’ll have time to go for a drive.” That’s affection. When he goes in the kitchen and helps her cook, that’s affection. When he says, “Honey, I’ll cut up the onions. Let my eyes water for once,” that’s affection. “Where’s my dinner?” is not affectionate.




Showing affection is expressing one’s love constantly in little ways. Many men don’t know how to do this because they didn’t have fathers who showed affection to their mothers. Hopefully, their sons will be better at it.




Affection is something that the man has to initiate.




Many women just want to get sex over with because they aren’t being given this kind of affection. The woman may hate the experience and then walk away from it with bitterness because while the man has been fulfilled, he hasn’t tried to fulfill her needs. Women have said to me during marriage counseling, “I feel like I’m just being used by this man of Yah.’ How can he pray all the time, read the Bible constantly, and preach, and then come home and treat me like I’m a prostitute?”




May it not be so among us. A woman doesn’t want a man to jump in bed and then jump right out again. He gets exactly what he wants, but she doesn’t receive anything.




Paul said that women must be treated with sensitivity and affection. Ephesians 5:28 says, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself.” A husband is to love his wife, cherish her, and care for her, like his own body. Some men keep themselves very physically fit. They go jogging, exercise, and lift weights. Yah is saying, “Put the same attention on your wife.” Men take care of their bodies; they shower and shave. Yah is saying, “Take care of her the same way you take care of yourself.”




Affection is something that the man has to initiate. If a man is not sure how to be affectionate, he should sit down with his wife and say, “Tell me how to be affectionate.” Men need to be trained in this. I can tell you right now that there are thousands upon thousands of men who know nothing about affection. They know much about sex, but nothing about affection.




When a woman says to her husband, “Hug me,” she is not saying she wants to go to bed. She is saying she wants affection. If the man holds her, and holds her long enough, he will be rewarded.




A Male Is Always Ready




Why is the male the way he is? Design determines needs. The male was designed to be a leader, a teacher, a cultivator, and a protector. Therefore, he is wired always to be ready to act. It is his nature to be ready all the time. A leader can’t be ready only sometimes. If attack comes in the middle of the night, he has to be prepared. If attack comes midday, he can’t be caught off guard. If problems arise at sunset, a leader has to be a leader. Because Yah designed the male to be ready, he is in a state of readiness in all the various aspects of his life, including his sexuality. His sexual energy never stops. It may pause, but it never really stops.




Many women interpret this aspect of the male as being unnatural. Yet because it is his nature always to be prepared, his body has been designed in that way, as well. Therefore, it’s not unnatural for a man always to be sexually ready. The man needs to realize that being ready doesn’t always mean taking action.




“Encourage the young men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:6). Self-control is a recurring theme in Paul’s writings. He knew that sex can control men. When you’re always ready, you must be able to exercise self-control. A man’s need for sex is one of the strongest needs imaginable. It is an aspect of makeup of a man that gives him great fulfillment. Many men don’t understand this drive themselves.




Some men believe that whenever they experience sexual desire, they have to find someone with whom to release it. They even pay to try to meet this need, yet they still aren’t satisfied. They don’t understand that Yah made them ready because of the leadership purpose He’s given them. Therefore, their energy should be channeled into positive leadership.




The man’s readiness places the woman in a difficult situation at times. First, she may interpret the man’s sexual energy as animalistic, thoughtless, and heartless. If his approach is too abrupt or too aggressive, she may tell him to leave her alone. The man then interprets her reaction as disinterest or disrespect. In this case, he may feel inclined to find interest and honor somewhere else.




On the other hand, I’ve known some women who pay more attention to ministry activities and evangelism than they do to their husbands. In a sense, they neglect their husbands’ sexual needs because they claim they are too busy serving Yah. However, this means that their husbands are then left at home alone- and they’re always ready.




Paul told us that this type of situation is a recipe for disaster. He said that whenever a husband and wife forego sexual relations in order to serve Yah, they should do so only by mutual consent and only for a short period of time.




The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Hasatan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)




This passage means that if you are going to pray and fast, spend time with The Most High, or go on a missions trip, you should get the consent of your spouse before you abstain from sexual relations. It is important for a woman to be sensitive to her husband’s need for sex. When some women become citizens, they somehow think that it’s not “spiritual” for them to engage in physical relations any longer. They tell their husbands, “I’m a citizen now, and my body is the temple of the Ruach Hackodesh, so don’t touch me.” This is a foolish philosophy and a damaging witness to their husbands. Sex was part of Yah’s original design for humanity, and it is a holy thing between a husband and a wife. The Bible says to the woman, “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:4), and it says to the man, “The husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife? (v4).




Sex is part of Yah’s original design for humanity and is a holy thing between husband and wife.




The wife’s body belongs both to herself and to her husband. The husband’s body belongs both to himself and to his wife. These verses are not only telling us that husbands and wives are to meet one another’s sexual needs, but also that one or the other partner has a say in whether or not she or he is ready to have sexual relations. The husband may say, “Honey, I’m ready,” but she has the right to say, “You’re always ready, but I’m not ready right now.” There has to be a balance between having one’s needs fulfilled and showing consideration for the other person’s needs.




Some men walk around with the attitude, “If I don’t have it, I’m going to die.” Well, let them “die,” then because it’s not true. The man is always ready, so he needs to exercise some self-control. As Peter said, a husband is to be sensitive to his wife’s needs. He is to live with her with knowledge and consideration.




Learning and Fulfilling One Another’s Needs




The primary areas of need, therefore, for women and men are love/honor, conversation/recreational companionship, and affection/sex. If you want to be blessed, don’t focus on your needs but discover what the other person’s needs are and seek to fulfill them. This will become a double blessing, because meeting the needs of the other person usually causes him or her to want to fulfill yours. Whenever you are not receiving what you need in a relationship, check to see if you are fulfilling these basic needs first.




There are people who say to me, “But I’ve been married for forty years. You don’t know our marriage. I’ve tried everything to make it work.” The Bible says that Yah’s people perish, not because of sin, not because of Hasatan, but because of lack of knowledge. (See Hosea 4:6.) Therefore, where there is a breakdown in communication or any other problem, there is often something more you need to learn about your partner’s needs and your own creation design that can meet those needs.




Physically abusive situations are a separate issue and need to be addressed individually. If you are in such a situation, I urge you to seek the help of your pastor and trusted community friends. However, many situations in which couples are facing mild to severe marital difficulties are a result of their failure to understand, serve and appreciate each other. Coming to understand their spouse’s needs and seeking to fulfill them while offering unconditional love has transformed the marriages of numerous couples. If you will apply the principles in this teaching, I believe they will make you a significant positive difference in your relationships.




These principles are drawn directly from Yah’s Word. We need continual training in Yah’s principles. It is good for us to receive instruction on how to properly fulfill the purposes for which we were created. In this way, we can have a positive impact on the people who need us to fulfill theirs. The Bible is our instruction manual that explains to us our purpose. “All Scripture is Yah-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of Yah may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).




The Bible equips us to be the women and men that we are designed to be. I encourage you to be a person of the Word as you undertake to understand Yah’s purposes and design for humanity and seek to meet the needs of those with whom you are in relationship. May you be blessed as you are a blessing to others.




Principles





The needs of females and males are connected to their purposes and designs.


A primary need of the female is love, while a primary need of the male is honor.


To love means to cherish, to care for, and to show affection.


Even though a woman might be honoring and esteeming her husband, he might not know how to express love to her in the way she needs him to.


If a woman’s husband is ignorant of her need for love, it is important that she be patient and trust Yah to reveal this need to him while avoiding bitterness.


A primary need for the female is conversation, while a primary need of the male is recreational companionship.


To truly meet his wife’s need for conversation, a husband should talk with her at the feeling level and not just the knowledge and information level.


A husband should converse with his wife with courtesy and openness, telling her what he thinks and feels. He should share his plans and actions clearly and completely because he considers himself accountable to her.


A woman can create opportunities for conversing with her husband by developing an interest in his job, his activities and his hobbies.


A primary need of the female is affection, while a primary need of the male is sex.


Sex was part of Yah’s original design for humanity, and it is a holy thing between a husband and a wife.


Affection creates the environment for sexual union in marriage, while sex is the event.


A man should be sensitive to the seasons of a woman’s reproduction cycle and not pressure her into having sexual relations, while a woman should be sensitive to her husband’s need for sex.

UNDERSTANDING THE WOMAN'S EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Genesis chapter 2




Today we are walking in: Understanding The Woman's Emotional Needs




Today we look to the word LOVE --H157 - 'ahab --a primitive root; to have affection for:—be loved, lovely, like, friend.






The Torah testifies.........……




Exodus 20:6

And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love H157 me, and keep my commandments.




Deuteronomy 6:5

And thou shalt love H157 the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.









The prophets proclaim..................




Joshua 23:11

Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love H157 the Lord your God.





Micah 6:8

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love H157 mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?











The writings bear witness............




Proverbs 17: 9

He that covereth a transgression seeketh love H157; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.











Did you know that a woman has twice as many nerve endings in her skin as a man does? Because her nerves are more numerous; they are also more susceptible to being “strained.” Her skin is almost literally wired to receive a loving husband’s touches of affection to soothe her frayed nerves and calm her emotions.




This physiological fact highlights the theme for this chapter: a woman’s emotional and sexual needs are different from a man’s by design. I want the idea of Yah’s purpose and design to permeate your thinking about the relationship between females and males, because it is such a fundamental principle, has so many applications, and is crucial to understanding the differences between them.




Here are some of the major differences between men and women:





Women tend to take things to heart; men tend to take things impersonally.


In material things, women tend to look at the goals; men want to know how to get there.


In spiritual or intangible things, the opposite is true. Men look at the goals; women want to know how to get there.


Women are like computers; their minds keep processing in the background until a problem is solved. Men are like filing cabinets. They take problems, put them in the file, and close the drawer.


A woman’s home is an extension of her personality; a man’s job is an extension of his personality.


Women have a great need for security and roots; men can be nomadic.


Women tend to be guilt-prone; men tend to be resentful.


Women are constantly changing; men level off and stay the same.


Women tend to become involved with things more easily and more quickly; men tend to stand back and evaluate.




Considering these differences, in addition to the others we’ve discussed throughout this series, we shouldn’t wonder why men and women have misunderstandings and conflicts in their relationships!




Remember one of our primary principles? Purpose determines design (or nature), and design determines needs. The above differences are related to the specific designs of women and men. Their designs, in turn, determine the needs of each that need to be met in order for them to be fulfilled, contented, and living in Yah’s creation purposes.




The problem is that many people are not fully aware of their own needs, let alone the needs of others. Over the past twenty years, I have been counseling couples, and the greatest problem I have seen is that husbands and wives don’t know that the needs of their spouses are different from their own.




Even when people are aware of their needs, they often live in frustration because their needs are not being met. They end up demanding that another person satisfy them or they suffer in silence, never expecting to live a completely fulfilled life.




In this teaching, I want to highlight three paramount needs of females and males that contribute to a fulfilling relationship. It is important for us to keep these needs centrally in mind as we interact with our spouses and others with whom we are in relationship. As we come to understand ourselves and others better, and how we can help to meet others’ needs, our hearts and minds will be renewed and more of Yah’s creation purposes will be restored to our lives.




Women and men must understand that fulfillment can come only when they work together to address one another’s needs. In this endeavour, Yahushas’ great principle, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35), is vital. As you give, meeting the needs of others, you will be blessed, and many of your own needs will be met in turn. Giving to others by satisfying their needs- not demanding to have your own needs satisfied- will bring true fulfillment.




A woman doesn’t just want love, she truly needs it by design.




Some of the ideas in this teaching we have discussed in other contexts, while other ideas are new. We must allow these principles to permeate our understanding so that they will become part of our lives. Please keep in mind that the needs that are listed as female needs and the needs that are listed as male needs are also the needs of both. However, in this teaching they will be discussed in the context of the primary needs of each. If we can learn and apply the following principles, we will go a long way to healing broken lives, promoting understanding, and developing strong relationships between women and men.




The Woman Needs Love




The primary need of the female-man is love. We have learned that the woman was designed to receive love. This truth is so central to a woman’s emotional needs that if it is the only one that men make a vast difference in women’s lives- and consequently in their own.




A woman doesn’t just want love, she truly needs it by design. This is why a man can give her a house and expensive gifts and she will still not feel satisfied. The man will say, “What’s wrong with you? I can’t do anything to please you. I’m giving you all these things, and you’re still unhappy.” She will answer, “It is not this mink coat or this house that I really want. I want you. I want you to tell me I’m important and special and unique to you, and that I am everything you’ve been dreaming of. I want you to tell me you love me.”




You can’t replace love. To love means to cherish, to care for, and to show affection. Cherishing a woman doesn’t mean buying her expensive presents; it means calling her several times a day and telling her that you love her.




Caring means that you go out of your way to make sure that she has everything she needs. It means dropping everything you’re doing just to make certain she is all right. Love doesn’t say, “I’m busy right now. I’ll talk to you later.” Caring is making other people wait while you meet the needs of your wife.




Affection is the environment in which to grow a wonderful marriage. A woman’s need for affection can be met with plenty of hugs and kisses; a steady flow of words, cards, and flowers; common courtesies; and meaningful gifts that show the man is thinking of her, esteems her, and values her presence in his life.




A man can also meet a woman’s need for love by providing her with financial security. This will make her feel cared for and protected. In addition, when a man spends time with a woman, it makes her feel loved because she knows she comes first in his life.




Balancing financial provision and quality time with his wife often creates the greatest challenge for a man because providing for his wife usually requires that he be away from her while he is at his workplace. However, when a man spends many hours’ overtime at his job trying to “get ahead” but neglects his wife (and family), she will not feel loved, even though they may have millions of dollars in the bank.




If a woman is single, receiving love is still her greatest need. She also needs affirmation and companionship of men. It is the way she is designed. Fathers, uncles, brothers, and male friends can recognize a single woman’s need and show brotherly love by acts of kindness, companionship, and assistance during life’s difficulties.




A Man Needs Honor




Because the female’s primary need is for love, she often thinks that the male’s primary need is for love, also. He needs love, but he has a need that is even greater than that.




As much as a woman needs to feel she is loved, a man needs to know he is honored.




If a female expresses love to a male, without fulfilling this other need, he might not respond in the way she expects him to. He might remain somewhat distant. For example, a woman may wonder why her husband doesn’t seem satisfied in the relationship when she has been lovingly trying to help him by keeping the household running smoothly and providing for his material needs. A woman might even write her husband love notes and give him lots of affection, but notice that he still doesn’t seem happy. She wonders, “What else can I do for this man?”




Yet a male feels about those things in the same way that a female feels about the male’s provision of a house. He is grateful that his material and emotional needs are being taken care of, and he appreciates his wife’s efforts. However, these things don’t address his primary need.




As much as a woman needs to feel that she is loved, a man needs to know that he is honored. Being honored is at the core of his self-esteem, and it affects every other area of his life. “Each one of you [husbands] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must honor her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).




A woman can meet a man’s need for admiration and honor by understanding his value and achievements more than anyone else. She needs to remind him of his capabilities and help him to maintain his self-confidence. She should be proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man with whom she has chosen to share her life.




Paralleling the situation of the single woman, a single man needs honor as much as a married man does. He needs the honor and affirmation of women because he is designed to need it. The women in a single man’s life can meet his needs by recognizing his value and accomplishments as a man and by encouraging him in his talents and life work.




A husband is to love and cherish his wife. A wife is to respect and honor her husband. In this way there will be a constant meeting of the other’s primary needs.




What Do I Do in the Meantime?




One of the problems a woman may face is that her husband doesn’t know he’s supposed to love her in the way I’ve just described. This is a very real problem. Even though a woman might be honoring and esteeming her husband, he might not be showing her love because he really doesn’t know how. Both men and women need to understand and meet each other’s needs. However, if the woman understands their needs but her spouse doesn’t, it is important that she have patience. She needs to respond to her husband according to what he knows.




If I know that a person is ignorant, I can’t be angry at them. Yahusha is the highest model of this for us. He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). The difficulty comes when you know that a person is aware of what he’s supposed to be doing but still doesn’t do it. In this case, some kind of reproof is necessary. Depending on the situation, a woman might appeal directly to her husband; or she might appeal to the pastor, a trusted Hebrew friend, or even a family member to speak to her husband for her. Yet her best appeal is to pray for her husband and allow The Most High to change him.




However, you can’t reprove an ignorant person. You can reprove a person who has knowledge, but you need to overlook the faults of a person who is ignorant. This will keep bitterness from taking over your heart. Avoid blaming the other person, live responsibility before Yah, and make sure you carry out your own responsibilities to your spouse. Trust Yah to teach your partner how to meet your needs.




The Woman Needs Conversation




In addition to love, a female needs conversation. She enjoys talking with others. This sounds so simple but it is a real need based on her nature. A woman needs to have a man talk with her. Notice that I said with her and not to her. Because males have a leadership mindset, sometimes their conversations with their wives amount to instructions rather than a give-and-take dialogue.




The man should always make a point to converse with the woman. Costly gifts doesn’t mean anything to a woman if the man just leaves them with her and then walks away. She’d rather have the conversation.




A man should show a desire to understand his wife, not change her.




The man can fulfill a woman’s need for intimate conversation by continually making a point to communicate with her. To truly meet her need, she should talk with her at the feeling level and not just the knowledge and information level. She needs him to listen to her attitudes about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. All of his conversations with her should convey a desire to understand her, not change her. This means that he should not necessarily immediately try to solve her problems for her. He needs to resist the impulse to offer solutions and instead offer his full attention and understanding.




After giving her plenty of time to express her feelings , he should conduct his end of the conversation with courtesy and openness, looking her in the eyes and telling her what he really thinks and feels. He should share his plans and actions clearly and completely, because he regards himself as accountable to her, and ask for her input. This will enable her to trust him and feel secure.




Some men say, “What am I going to talk about with my wife?” They don’t realize that the woman has a need to express herself and therefore has much within her that she wants to share. A man can simply say, “What’s on your mind?” and she’ll usually have no problem carrying the conversation. All he has to say in response is, “Uh-huh. Oh, I see.” However, he has to make sure he is really listening!




A woman can create opportunities for conversing with her husband by developing an interest in his job, his activities, and his hobbies, such as sports, music, or computers. As much as the woman needs conversation, the man needs to share his interests with her. These related needs are a natural bridge of communication between them.




For example, if he’s in the middle of watching a ballgame, it would not be constructive to say, “Shut that thing off; I’m tired of this.” That won’t create an atmosphere for conversation but will usually cause tension. Instead, she can walk into the room in which he is watching television and say, with genuine interest, “Honey, they just caught that ball, and now they’re kicking it again. What are they doing that for?” The man will immediately start talking, because he likes to discuss his interests and pursuits.




Here is another illustration. If the woman goes into the room where the man is watching his favorite team compete and says, “I want to talk to you,” he will probably say, “Right after they finish this play.” When she comes back in a few minutes and says, “I said I want to talk to you,” he will answer, “Right after the next play.” This will likely continue throughout the entire game. Instead, a woman can say, “Sweetheart, I’d like to talk to you, but let’s watch this game together first. I want you to tell me everything about this game.” Now the woman has really succeeded, because the man is doing what he likes, but she has gotten him to talk about it, too. After the game, she will likely have his full attention in the matter about which she wanted to talk to him.




So, if women can get involved with men in their sport or any other interest they have, they can actually develop an atmosphere for conversation. Many women would truly be amazed at what would happen if they would learn to be interested in what their husbands are interested in.

THE WOMAN'S INSIGHT AND DISCERNMENT!!!!

Genesis chapter 2




Today we are walking in: The Woman's Insight And Discernment!!!!




Today we look to the word-PURPOSE- H6213 ’asah--to do, work, make, produce; to act, act with effect, effect








The Torah testifies...............

****








The prophets proclaim..................






Daniel 6:17

And a stone was brought, and laid upon the mouth of the den; and the king sealed it with his own signet, and with the signet of his lords; that the purpose H6213 might not be changed concerning Daniel.









The writings bear witness...........................






Ecclesiates 3:1

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose H6213 under the heaven:




Women’s Insight and Discernment




Yah gave females to males so that men can have balance.




There is an interesting example of this truth in the incident where Pilate judged Yahusha. Pilate was carrying out his job, the administration of Roman authority over the Jews. When the chief priests brought Yahusha before Pilate and accused Him of being an insurrectionist, Pilate’s first inclination was to try to rule within the law. He saw no basis for their accusations and wanted to release Yahusha. In the middle of this dispute, Pilate’s wife sent a warning to him. “While Pilate was sitting on the judge’s seat, his wife sent him this message: ‘Don’t have anything to do with that innocent man, for I have suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him’” (Matthew 27:19). In essence, she was saying, “I have a premonition about this Man. He didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t touch Him.” She was trying to appeal to Pilate’s sensibilities, warning him that he should use discretion and discernment when making his decision. Pilate became nervous that things were getting out of hand when the religious leaders assembled an unruly crowd to demand that Yahusha be crucified. He ended up being swayed by this pressure and ordering Yahushas’ death. He may have justified his decision by telling himself that it was logical: keeping order for Rome (and making things easier for himself) should take precedence over preserving the life of one innocent man. Even though Pilate knew Yahusha had done nothing wrong, he had Him crucified. He would have done better to have listened to the instincts of his wife. Men need to learn to be open to communication from their wives and from the other women in their lives.




Yah gave females to males so that men can have balance, so that they can have the benefit of women’s sensitivity and feeling. It is very easy for men to make a decision and not care what anyone thinks about it or who will be affected by it. This is why it is good for a man to have that other part of him that says, “What are you planning to do may be right, but the way you intend to go about it is wrong. Perhaps you should consider this…”




The account of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 is a good example of how a woman’s discernment averted disaster for a man. Abigail combined intelligence and insight to address a deadly situation. Her husband Nabal, had rejected David’s request for food after David and his men had been honorable with Nabal and had even protected his property. Nabal wasn’t using wisdom but his own form of logic and pride when he rebuffed david. (See verses 10-11.) David was angry at the way he was treated and was going to destroy Nabal and the men who worked for him. Abigail went to David and appealed to his sense of justice and righteousness before Yah and his compassion. Her insights and good judgement kept David from destroying her husband and his men.




Abigail is also a good example of someone who understood how to communicate with another based on a knowledge of the other person’s outlook. She knew what to say to David that would get his attention, resonate with his deepest convictions, and get through to him.




Men’s Head-over-Heart Perspective




Men’s logical thinking can also provide balance to women’s emotional feeling. There are times when your heart can lead in one direction and your head in another. Sometimes, making the best overall decision requires that you go with your head. If you are a leader during a crisis, you don’t have much time to have an emotional experience. You need to be able to think. Our emotions can make it difficult for us to think clearly.




After the Israelites had been freed from Egypt and were approaching the Red Sea, Pharaoh chased after them with army. When the Israelites saw the Egyptians coming after them, they panicked and accused Moses of luring them to their deaths. Yet Moses exercised leadership when he didn’t give in to their panic but rather said, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Most High will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Most High will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:13-14).




“You need only to be still.” Moses was saying, “Instead of letting your emotions control you, instead of running around like chickens with your heads cut off, stay still and trust the Most High.” After Moses had gotten everyone under control and everything in order, then he went to talk to The Most High. The man is the way he is because of what he has to do to exercise leadership.




What the Woman Says Expresses How She Feels




What a woman says is an expression of what she feels, while what a man says is an expression of what he thinks. The woman has thoughts, and the man has feelings. However, a woman will more likely express what he thinks. They are communicating two completely different levels of information.




The Woman’s Hidden Thoughts




When a woman is under stress and wants someone to empathize with her so that she doesn’t feel so alone in her difficulty, she may say something to her husband like, “Your parents are coming for dinner tomorrow, the house is a mess, we don’t have any groceries, the kids have been underfoot all day, and I just can’t do it all!” Her husband, who is a thinker, will immediately try to come up with a solution for his distraught wife. “Well, what if I go buy some groceries?” “No, I have to do that tomorrow when I know what I want to cook.” “Then why don’t I take you and the kids out to dinner so you won’t have to worry about that tonight?” “No, we can’t be out late. The kids need baths and besides, I have to use up the leftovers.” “Well, then, let me straighten things up a little.” “No, I need to do that. I know where everything belongs.”




What a woman is thinking is often different from what she is saying.




By now, the man is totally exasperated because he is trying to help his wife, but she is rejecting all of his suggestions. He doesn’t realize that what the woman really wants is for him to take her in his arms and tell her how much she is appreciated. While she would also probably appreciate his help, she first needs emotional contact with him so that she can be emotionally stabilized. Then she will be able to tackle the other problems, and they won’t seem as insurmountable. What she was thinking was that she could handle things if she received some love and affection from her husband. What she expressed was her overwhelming feelings of overload and fatigue, which her husband interpreted as a need for him to solve her problems by taking action.




A woman doesn’t always tell a man what she is thinking. When she starts to become emotional, he needs to be patient and try to work through her emotions to find out what she is thinking. Sometimes, he has to dig deep to find out what is actually on her mind, because what a woman is thinking is often different from what she is saying.




This process can take patience on the part of the man, because he just wants the facts and likes to quickly arrive at the bottom line. A woman is thinking on a variety of levels, however, and it takes her longer to process all these details and arrive at a conclusion. For example, a man asks his wife, “Honey, are you still planning to serve dinner at six o’clock?” She hesitates for a moment and then says, “I still have to mash the potatoes and make the gravy.” “Oh,” her husband will say, “then what time will we be eating?” “Well, I also need to warm the rolls.” “Okay,” he says with growing impatience, “but what time are we going to eat?” “It depends on what time the roast finishes,” she answers, “and Susan said she might not arrive until 6:15.” “Are we or are we not eating at six o’clock?” he says between clenched teeth. (Pause). “No. It’ll be six-thirty.” “That’s all I wanted to know,” he says wearily as he walks away. He wanted a yes or no answer, but she was thinking on many levels and first had to work through all the many details of meal preparation and scheduling to see whether or not she could serve the meal at six o’clock.




A Man’s Hidden Feelings




Most of the time, when a man speaks to a woman, he doesn’t tell her what he’s feeling. The misunderstanding this causes is what contributes to problems in relationships. For example, I’ve counseled many couples in which the woman doesn’t understand the man’s nature. “He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t tell me he loves me. He’s indifferent.” In her experience, this explanation seems true. But all the while the man really feels deeply. Notice that I said “feels.” He feels deeply for her. The problem is that he doesn’t say what he is feeling; he says what he is thinking.




Note the difference: in his heart he feels great love for her, but in his mind, this love is not always translated into specific words that he can share with her. Facts and figures are what come to his mind. He can be feeling love and enjoying his wife’s company, but what comes into his head, which he communicates to her, may be the latest business report or a news item. This is why a woman becomes incredulous when she shares a romantic moment with a man and the man suddenly starts talking about needing to balance his checkbook.




Do you remember the story of the woman who asked her husband, “Do you still love me?” and he replied, “I told you that the day we got married, and it still applies! I’ll let you know if I ever change my mind.” His response sounds horrible. He shouldn’t have said that. However, what he was basically saying was that he doesn’t share his feelings very easily and that it had been hard for him to express them in the first place.




When Jane happy, Tarzan happy.




Men have to start learning to communicate their feelings to women. The Word of Yah says that men are to treat women with consideration. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with honor” (1 Peter 3:7). Men need to treat their wives with sensitivity based on a knowledge of what their wives need, so that they can continually replenish these needs. I’ve seen it to be true that the happier the women are, the happier the men are. As one enlightened male said, “When Jane happy, Tarzan happy.”




It can be difficult for women to understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. Yet it is very important for a woman not to come to any conclusions about a man’s motivations until she discovers what he is feeling. There are many men who are feeling emotions that they have difficulty verbalizing. They are hurting; they feel sad and weak inside. They feel like losers. They are depressed that they haven’t been promoted for ten years and that nothing is working out with their jobs. They feel as if they have failed their wives. They feel bad, but it is hard for them to come up with the words to express their feelings. A woman needs to learn to create an environment that will enable a man to tell her what he is feeling. When she works through his thinking, she will find out what he is feeling, and she will discover that what he is feeling is often very different from what he has been saying.




If women and men are not careful, they will come to conclusions about each other’s motivations without knowing what the woman is really thinking or the man is really feeling. This has caused many people to think that their relationships aren’t working. After a while, they say, “Forget this,” and they walk away from the relationship. Later on, they meet somebody else and get married, hoping things will be different this time. However, they encounter the same problems as in their previous relationships. They think the problem is with the other person, when the problem is often with the communication. This cycle will continue until they learn to work through and understand the differences between women and men, why each is unique, and how Yah has made them to beautifully complement one another.




What the Woman Hears Is An Emotional Experience for Her




In addition to having different communication styles relating to what they speak about, females and males also have different styles in the way they hear what is said to them. What a woman hears is received by her as an emotional experience, while what a man hears is received by him merely as information. They have two entirely different ways of processing language that is spoken to them.




A man doesn’t have an emotional experience with what he hears. This is why it is very important for the man to understand the woman. The woman receives language in an emotional way because she is designed to absorb the world around her and to personalize it. She is designed to take in everything and incubate it. Remember the example from an earlier teaching that, if you tell a woman, “You’re ugly,” and say the same thing to a man, you’ll get a different response from each? The man will probably look at you and say, “You’re ugly, too.” However, the woman will never forget you as long as you live and might even consider hiring someone to assassinate you.




Before a man speaks to a woman, he needs to think about what he is about to say and how he is about to say it. Because a woman receives everything as an emotional experience, it is very important for a man to be sensitive about her feelings. He needs to consider his words rather than saying whatever comes to his mind. He may tell his wife, “That dress is getting a little tight on you.” For weeks she will be quiet; she won’t speak to him. Then one day her pent-up feelings will have reached a breaking point, so that she has to release them. She call a friend at six o’clock in the morning, crying over what her husband said to her. Her husband will hear her crying and will come and ask her, “What’s the matter, honey?” “You tell me I am fat, then you ask me what’s the matter!” “I didn’t say you were fat.” “Yes, you did.”




He thinks it’s information; she feels it’s personal.




What a man tells a woman will be absorbed by her entire being. If he tells her, “That rice was a little salty today,” as far as he’s concerned, he’s giving her information. It was salty. Yet she can hear all kinds of things in that statement: he just told her she can’t cook, his mother’s rice was better, he’s not appreciative. When she thinks about it later, she starts to wonder if he’s been with somebody else who can cook better than she can. The idea grows within her: he had lunch with someone at the office, he wants to leave her, and that’s why he isn’t eating her food any longer! It gets very personal. Three weeks later, they’re in a restaurant and the man says, “Now this is good rice.” He is dumbfounded when she says in response, “You didn’t think my rice was good three weeks ago, did you? I’m getting out of here. I’m not eating with you anymore.” They have a big fat fight over what? Differences in communication. The same goes for other relationships. You must be careful what you communicate to women on your job, girlfriends and your daughters. The things you say become very personal even if that is not your intent. He thinks it’s information; she feels it’s personal.




How a Man Hears Language




The woman cries, but the man cannot “feel” her tears. Come back when you’ve settled down and we can talk.” To a woman, he’s being cold. What he’s really saying is, “I’m looking for information, and I’m not receiving any. There is no reason for me to be here.” So, he goes away for a while.




On the other hand, a woman needs to realize that when she talks to a man, he hears it only as information. He runs on information because he’s a logical thinker. When she wants to talk to a man, she has to learn to tell him what she thinks, not what she feels. Sometimes a woman will become upset at something that a man has done and will start crying. Again, a woman needs to release her emotions, and she often expresses them through her tears. However, the man says, “I’m going to leave. So, he goes away for a while, and then comes back and asks, “Are you ready to talk now?” He doesn’t understand that the woman has been trying to communicate something to him through her emotions.




Because his response is related to his design, a woman needs to work with the equipment the way it’s made. She can sit down and say, “Honey, I have something to say to you. I did not appreciate… and it really made me feel less valued by you… when you did not open the door for me tonight in front of our friends. I know you didn’t do it intentionally, but it is important for others to know that you honor me. I love you very much, and I want to be as dignified as possible to make you proud.




A man wants a woman’s information; he doesn’t want her tears because he doesn’t know how to respond to them. This is a serious point of difference and conflict between women and men. The woman cries, but the man cannot “feel” her tears. He feels sorry that she is crying, but he wants to know what he can do to fix things. He wants information.




The Woman Is Interested in the Particulars




Another point of difference between females and males is that women are generally interested in the details, in the particulars of things, while men are usually interested in what is abstract- the principles or the philosophy related to something. Similarly, when it comes to memory, women tend to remember the essence of the matter.




This is why, after attending a wedding, for example, a woman can talk on the phone with a friend for hours discussing all the details of the event, such as the flowers, the music, what the bride wore, and what kind of food was served at the reception. When a man is asked, “How was the wedding?” he may get a blank look on his face and then simply say, “They got married.”




The Woman Always Remembers




A final aspect of the differences between the communication styles of women and men is that women don’t usually forget things, while men generally have to be reminded over and over.




Here again, where purpose is not known, people start to become suspicious of others’ motives. The woman may bring up a previous wrong she experienced, and the man will think, “What’s the matter with her? I did that five years ago, and now she’s bringing it up again. I told her I was sorry. I asked her for forgiveness. This happened five years ago. Why won’t she forget it?” He is angry at her natural inclination not to forget things. Yet that is the way she is made; she is designed not to forget.




Now, a man may remember facts related to his business, but often he will not remember dates and times and events. For example, a woman may be dressing for an evening out and call to her husband, who is in another room, “You remember that we’re going to your sister’s birthday party tonight, don’t you?” The man will have completely forgotten. He is wearing the oldest clothes he owns and holding a big bowl of popcorn, getting ready to watch the big game. She comes into the room and says, “What are you doing?” “I wanted to watch the game. Do we have to go out?” “I reminded you three times about this party! Why can’t you remember anything?”




Most men don’t know the reason why women remember things, and most women can’t understand why men don’t recall things. It has to do with their purpose and design. Men tend to think about goals and the bottom line, while women tend to remember details. These differences are complementary. However, they can be the source of serious problems in a relationship because, when, you don’t understand the purpose of something, you can become suspicious of it. You can begin to suspect the person you’re dealing with of having ulterior motives.




Let the Peace of Hamachiach Rule




I would like to close this teaching with a reminder that we are all in the process of learning to be like Hamachiach, of learning how to become what Yah originally intended for us to be when He created males and females. While we’re still in that learning curve, it is important for us to be patient, kind, and considerate with one another’s failings as well as distinct communication styles.




Therefore, as Yah’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as The Most High forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Hamachiach rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. (Colossians 3:12-15)




Understanding that Yah designed females and males with different communication styles will go a long way to helping us bear with one another in love.




Instead of a reaction, give a response.




I try not to allow others’ actions to cause a reaction in me, because I am aware of people’s motivations and communication styles. Instead of a reaction, I give them a response. To react is to take action against someone else before thinking. To respond is to act responsibly in your dealings with others because you understand their motivations and circumstances. A reacting person does what is irresponsible by becoming angry or resentful at another’s behavior. But a responding person takes responsibility by seeking to understand the other person and by “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).




Yahusha understood people thoroughly, and He also knew who He was. Understanding the nature of others- and yourself- is crucial to maintaining right relationships and not falling prey to selfishness, pride, resentment, or bitterness, which sow seeds of conflict with others.




As redeemed women and men, we are called to peace with one another. What Paul wrote about the reconciliation that Hamachiach brought applies to the male-female relationship: “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility” (Ephesians 2:14).




Principles





Yah made women and men different in the way they think, act, and respond.


The woman is an emotional feeler.


The man is a logical thinker.


The different communication styles of women and men are meant to be complementary.


A woman does not need to apologize for her emotions, because Yah designed her to feel.


When women and men understand the differences in their communication styles, they can learn how to use their differences for the betterment of them both.


What a woman speaks in an expression of what she feels. What a man speaks in an expression of what he thinks.


A woman receives what she hears as an emotional experience. A man receives what he hears as information.


Women are interested in the concrete details, while men are interested in abstract ideas. Similarly, when it comes to memory, women tend to remember the details and men tend to remember the essence of the matter.


Women don’t forget, but men have to be reminded again and again.


Colossians 3:12-15 shows us how to bear with one another’s different communication styles.