THE WOMAN'S INSIGHT AND DISCERNMENT!!!!

Genesis chapter 2




Today we are walking in: The Woman's Insight And Discernment!!!!




Today we look to the word-PURPOSE- H6213 ’asah--to do, work, make, produce; to act, act with effect, effect








The Torah testifies...............

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The prophets proclaim..................






Daniel 6:17

And a stone was brought, and laid upon the mouth of the den; and the king sealed it with his own signet, and with the signet of his lords; that the purpose H6213 might not be changed concerning Daniel.









The writings bear witness...........................






Ecclesiates 3:1

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose H6213 under the heaven:




Women’s Insight and Discernment




Yah gave females to males so that men can have balance.




There is an interesting example of this truth in the incident where Pilate judged Yahusha. Pilate was carrying out his job, the administration of Roman authority over the Jews. When the chief priests brought Yahusha before Pilate and accused Him of being an insurrectionist, Pilate’s first inclination was to try to rule within the law. He saw no basis for their accusations and wanted to release Yahusha. In the middle of this dispute, Pilate’s wife sent a warning to him. “While Pilate was sitting on the judge’s seat, his wife sent him this message: ‘Don’t have anything to do with that innocent man, for I have suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him’” (Matthew 27:19). In essence, she was saying, “I have a premonition about this Man. He didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t touch Him.” She was trying to appeal to Pilate’s sensibilities, warning him that he should use discretion and discernment when making his decision. Pilate became nervous that things were getting out of hand when the religious leaders assembled an unruly crowd to demand that Yahusha be crucified. He ended up being swayed by this pressure and ordering Yahushas’ death. He may have justified his decision by telling himself that it was logical: keeping order for Rome (and making things easier for himself) should take precedence over preserving the life of one innocent man. Even though Pilate knew Yahusha had done nothing wrong, he had Him crucified. He would have done better to have listened to the instincts of his wife. Men need to learn to be open to communication from their wives and from the other women in their lives.




Yah gave females to males so that men can have balance, so that they can have the benefit of women’s sensitivity and feeling. It is very easy for men to make a decision and not care what anyone thinks about it or who will be affected by it. This is why it is good for a man to have that other part of him that says, “What are you planning to do may be right, but the way you intend to go about it is wrong. Perhaps you should consider this…”




The account of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 is a good example of how a woman’s discernment averted disaster for a man. Abigail combined intelligence and insight to address a deadly situation. Her husband Nabal, had rejected David’s request for food after David and his men had been honorable with Nabal and had even protected his property. Nabal wasn’t using wisdom but his own form of logic and pride when he rebuffed david. (See verses 10-11.) David was angry at the way he was treated and was going to destroy Nabal and the men who worked for him. Abigail went to David and appealed to his sense of justice and righteousness before Yah and his compassion. Her insights and good judgement kept David from destroying her husband and his men.




Abigail is also a good example of someone who understood how to communicate with another based on a knowledge of the other person’s outlook. She knew what to say to David that would get his attention, resonate with his deepest convictions, and get through to him.




Men’s Head-over-Heart Perspective




Men’s logical thinking can also provide balance to women’s emotional feeling. There are times when your heart can lead in one direction and your head in another. Sometimes, making the best overall decision requires that you go with your head. If you are a leader during a crisis, you don’t have much time to have an emotional experience. You need to be able to think. Our emotions can make it difficult for us to think clearly.




After the Israelites had been freed from Egypt and were approaching the Red Sea, Pharaoh chased after them with army. When the Israelites saw the Egyptians coming after them, they panicked and accused Moses of luring them to their deaths. Yet Moses exercised leadership when he didn’t give in to their panic but rather said, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Most High will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Most High will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:13-14).




“You need only to be still.” Moses was saying, “Instead of letting your emotions control you, instead of running around like chickens with your heads cut off, stay still and trust the Most High.” After Moses had gotten everyone under control and everything in order, then he went to talk to The Most High. The man is the way he is because of what he has to do to exercise leadership.




What the Woman Says Expresses How She Feels




What a woman says is an expression of what she feels, while what a man says is an expression of what he thinks. The woman has thoughts, and the man has feelings. However, a woman will more likely express what he thinks. They are communicating two completely different levels of information.




The Woman’s Hidden Thoughts




When a woman is under stress and wants someone to empathize with her so that she doesn’t feel so alone in her difficulty, she may say something to her husband like, “Your parents are coming for dinner tomorrow, the house is a mess, we don’t have any groceries, the kids have been underfoot all day, and I just can’t do it all!” Her husband, who is a thinker, will immediately try to come up with a solution for his distraught wife. “Well, what if I go buy some groceries?” “No, I have to do that tomorrow when I know what I want to cook.” “Then why don’t I take you and the kids out to dinner so you won’t have to worry about that tonight?” “No, we can’t be out late. The kids need baths and besides, I have to use up the leftovers.” “Well, then, let me straighten things up a little.” “No, I need to do that. I know where everything belongs.”




What a woman is thinking is often different from what she is saying.




By now, the man is totally exasperated because he is trying to help his wife, but she is rejecting all of his suggestions. He doesn’t realize that what the woman really wants is for him to take her in his arms and tell her how much she is appreciated. While she would also probably appreciate his help, she first needs emotional contact with him so that she can be emotionally stabilized. Then she will be able to tackle the other problems, and they won’t seem as insurmountable. What she was thinking was that she could handle things if she received some love and affection from her husband. What she expressed was her overwhelming feelings of overload and fatigue, which her husband interpreted as a need for him to solve her problems by taking action.




A woman doesn’t always tell a man what she is thinking. When she starts to become emotional, he needs to be patient and try to work through her emotions to find out what she is thinking. Sometimes, he has to dig deep to find out what is actually on her mind, because what a woman is thinking is often different from what she is saying.




This process can take patience on the part of the man, because he just wants the facts and likes to quickly arrive at the bottom line. A woman is thinking on a variety of levels, however, and it takes her longer to process all these details and arrive at a conclusion. For example, a man asks his wife, “Honey, are you still planning to serve dinner at six o’clock?” She hesitates for a moment and then says, “I still have to mash the potatoes and make the gravy.” “Oh,” her husband will say, “then what time will we be eating?” “Well, I also need to warm the rolls.” “Okay,” he says with growing impatience, “but what time are we going to eat?” “It depends on what time the roast finishes,” she answers, “and Susan said she might not arrive until 6:15.” “Are we or are we not eating at six o’clock?” he says between clenched teeth. (Pause). “No. It’ll be six-thirty.” “That’s all I wanted to know,” he says wearily as he walks away. He wanted a yes or no answer, but she was thinking on many levels and first had to work through all the many details of meal preparation and scheduling to see whether or not she could serve the meal at six o’clock.




A Man’s Hidden Feelings




Most of the time, when a man speaks to a woman, he doesn’t tell her what he’s feeling. The misunderstanding this causes is what contributes to problems in relationships. For example, I’ve counseled many couples in which the woman doesn’t understand the man’s nature. “He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t tell me he loves me. He’s indifferent.” In her experience, this explanation seems true. But all the while the man really feels deeply. Notice that I said “feels.” He feels deeply for her. The problem is that he doesn’t say what he is feeling; he says what he is thinking.




Note the difference: in his heart he feels great love for her, but in his mind, this love is not always translated into specific words that he can share with her. Facts and figures are what come to his mind. He can be feeling love and enjoying his wife’s company, but what comes into his head, which he communicates to her, may be the latest business report or a news item. This is why a woman becomes incredulous when she shares a romantic moment with a man and the man suddenly starts talking about needing to balance his checkbook.




Do you remember the story of the woman who asked her husband, “Do you still love me?” and he replied, “I told you that the day we got married, and it still applies! I’ll let you know if I ever change my mind.” His response sounds horrible. He shouldn’t have said that. However, what he was basically saying was that he doesn’t share his feelings very easily and that it had been hard for him to express them in the first place.




When Jane happy, Tarzan happy.




Men have to start learning to communicate their feelings to women. The Word of Yah says that men are to treat women with consideration. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with honor” (1 Peter 3:7). Men need to treat their wives with sensitivity based on a knowledge of what their wives need, so that they can continually replenish these needs. I’ve seen it to be true that the happier the women are, the happier the men are. As one enlightened male said, “When Jane happy, Tarzan happy.”




It can be difficult for women to understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. Yet it is very important for a woman not to come to any conclusions about a man’s motivations until she discovers what he is feeling. There are many men who are feeling emotions that they have difficulty verbalizing. They are hurting; they feel sad and weak inside. They feel like losers. They are depressed that they haven’t been promoted for ten years and that nothing is working out with their jobs. They feel as if they have failed their wives. They feel bad, but it is hard for them to come up with the words to express their feelings. A woman needs to learn to create an environment that will enable a man to tell her what he is feeling. When she works through his thinking, she will find out what he is feeling, and she will discover that what he is feeling is often very different from what he has been saying.




If women and men are not careful, they will come to conclusions about each other’s motivations without knowing what the woman is really thinking or the man is really feeling. This has caused many people to think that their relationships aren’t working. After a while, they say, “Forget this,” and they walk away from the relationship. Later on, they meet somebody else and get married, hoping things will be different this time. However, they encounter the same problems as in their previous relationships. They think the problem is with the other person, when the problem is often with the communication. This cycle will continue until they learn to work through and understand the differences between women and men, why each is unique, and how Yah has made them to beautifully complement one another.




What the Woman Hears Is An Emotional Experience for Her




In addition to having different communication styles relating to what they speak about, females and males also have different styles in the way they hear what is said to them. What a woman hears is received by her as an emotional experience, while what a man hears is received by him merely as information. They have two entirely different ways of processing language that is spoken to them.




A man doesn’t have an emotional experience with what he hears. This is why it is very important for the man to understand the woman. The woman receives language in an emotional way because she is designed to absorb the world around her and to personalize it. She is designed to take in everything and incubate it. Remember the example from an earlier teaching that, if you tell a woman, “You’re ugly,” and say the same thing to a man, you’ll get a different response from each? The man will probably look at you and say, “You’re ugly, too.” However, the woman will never forget you as long as you live and might even consider hiring someone to assassinate you.




Before a man speaks to a woman, he needs to think about what he is about to say and how he is about to say it. Because a woman receives everything as an emotional experience, it is very important for a man to be sensitive about her feelings. He needs to consider his words rather than saying whatever comes to his mind. He may tell his wife, “That dress is getting a little tight on you.” For weeks she will be quiet; she won’t speak to him. Then one day her pent-up feelings will have reached a breaking point, so that she has to release them. She call a friend at six o’clock in the morning, crying over what her husband said to her. Her husband will hear her crying and will come and ask her, “What’s the matter, honey?” “You tell me I am fat, then you ask me what’s the matter!” “I didn’t say you were fat.” “Yes, you did.”




He thinks it’s information; she feels it’s personal.




What a man tells a woman will be absorbed by her entire being. If he tells her, “That rice was a little salty today,” as far as he’s concerned, he’s giving her information. It was salty. Yet she can hear all kinds of things in that statement: he just told her she can’t cook, his mother’s rice was better, he’s not appreciative. When she thinks about it later, she starts to wonder if he’s been with somebody else who can cook better than she can. The idea grows within her: he had lunch with someone at the office, he wants to leave her, and that’s why he isn’t eating her food any longer! It gets very personal. Three weeks later, they’re in a restaurant and the man says, “Now this is good rice.” He is dumbfounded when she says in response, “You didn’t think my rice was good three weeks ago, did you? I’m getting out of here. I’m not eating with you anymore.” They have a big fat fight over what? Differences in communication. The same goes for other relationships. You must be careful what you communicate to women on your job, girlfriends and your daughters. The things you say become very personal even if that is not your intent. He thinks it’s information; she feels it’s personal.




How a Man Hears Language




The woman cries, but the man cannot “feel” her tears. Come back when you’ve settled down and we can talk.” To a woman, he’s being cold. What he’s really saying is, “I’m looking for information, and I’m not receiving any. There is no reason for me to be here.” So, he goes away for a while.




On the other hand, a woman needs to realize that when she talks to a man, he hears it only as information. He runs on information because he’s a logical thinker. When she wants to talk to a man, she has to learn to tell him what she thinks, not what she feels. Sometimes a woman will become upset at something that a man has done and will start crying. Again, a woman needs to release her emotions, and she often expresses them through her tears. However, the man says, “I’m going to leave. So, he goes away for a while, and then comes back and asks, “Are you ready to talk now?” He doesn’t understand that the woman has been trying to communicate something to him through her emotions.




Because his response is related to his design, a woman needs to work with the equipment the way it’s made. She can sit down and say, “Honey, I have something to say to you. I did not appreciate… and it really made me feel less valued by you… when you did not open the door for me tonight in front of our friends. I know you didn’t do it intentionally, but it is important for others to know that you honor me. I love you very much, and I want to be as dignified as possible to make you proud.




A man wants a woman’s information; he doesn’t want her tears because he doesn’t know how to respond to them. This is a serious point of difference and conflict between women and men. The woman cries, but the man cannot “feel” her tears. He feels sorry that she is crying, but he wants to know what he can do to fix things. He wants information.




The Woman Is Interested in the Particulars




Another point of difference between females and males is that women are generally interested in the details, in the particulars of things, while men are usually interested in what is abstract- the principles or the philosophy related to something. Similarly, when it comes to memory, women tend to remember the essence of the matter.




This is why, after attending a wedding, for example, a woman can talk on the phone with a friend for hours discussing all the details of the event, such as the flowers, the music, what the bride wore, and what kind of food was served at the reception. When a man is asked, “How was the wedding?” he may get a blank look on his face and then simply say, “They got married.”




The Woman Always Remembers




A final aspect of the differences between the communication styles of women and men is that women don’t usually forget things, while men generally have to be reminded over and over.




Here again, where purpose is not known, people start to become suspicious of others’ motives. The woman may bring up a previous wrong she experienced, and the man will think, “What’s the matter with her? I did that five years ago, and now she’s bringing it up again. I told her I was sorry. I asked her for forgiveness. This happened five years ago. Why won’t she forget it?” He is angry at her natural inclination not to forget things. Yet that is the way she is made; she is designed not to forget.




Now, a man may remember facts related to his business, but often he will not remember dates and times and events. For example, a woman may be dressing for an evening out and call to her husband, who is in another room, “You remember that we’re going to your sister’s birthday party tonight, don’t you?” The man will have completely forgotten. He is wearing the oldest clothes he owns and holding a big bowl of popcorn, getting ready to watch the big game. She comes into the room and says, “What are you doing?” “I wanted to watch the game. Do we have to go out?” “I reminded you three times about this party! Why can’t you remember anything?”




Most men don’t know the reason why women remember things, and most women can’t understand why men don’t recall things. It has to do with their purpose and design. Men tend to think about goals and the bottom line, while women tend to remember details. These differences are complementary. However, they can be the source of serious problems in a relationship because, when, you don’t understand the purpose of something, you can become suspicious of it. You can begin to suspect the person you’re dealing with of having ulterior motives.




Let the Peace of Hamachiach Rule




I would like to close this teaching with a reminder that we are all in the process of learning to be like Hamachiach, of learning how to become what Yah originally intended for us to be when He created males and females. While we’re still in that learning curve, it is important for us to be patient, kind, and considerate with one another’s failings as well as distinct communication styles.




Therefore, as Yah’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as The Most High forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Hamachiach rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. (Colossians 3:12-15)




Understanding that Yah designed females and males with different communication styles will go a long way to helping us bear with one another in love.




Instead of a reaction, give a response.




I try not to allow others’ actions to cause a reaction in me, because I am aware of people’s motivations and communication styles. Instead of a reaction, I give them a response. To react is to take action against someone else before thinking. To respond is to act responsibly in your dealings with others because you understand their motivations and circumstances. A reacting person does what is irresponsible by becoming angry or resentful at another’s behavior. But a responding person takes responsibility by seeking to understand the other person and by “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).




Yahusha understood people thoroughly, and He also knew who He was. Understanding the nature of others- and yourself- is crucial to maintaining right relationships and not falling prey to selfishness, pride, resentment, or bitterness, which sow seeds of conflict with others.




As redeemed women and men, we are called to peace with one another. What Paul wrote about the reconciliation that Hamachiach brought applies to the male-female relationship: “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility” (Ephesians 2:14).




Principles





Yah made women and men different in the way they think, act, and respond.


The woman is an emotional feeler.


The man is a logical thinker.


The different communication styles of women and men are meant to be complementary.


A woman does not need to apologize for her emotions, because Yah designed her to feel.


When women and men understand the differences in their communication styles, they can learn how to use their differences for the betterment of them both.


What a woman speaks in an expression of what she feels. What a man speaks in an expression of what he thinks.


A woman receives what she hears as an emotional experience. A man receives what he hears as information.


Women are interested in the concrete details, while men are interested in abstract ideas. Similarly, when it comes to memory, women tend to remember the details and men tend to remember the essence of the matter.


Women don’t forget, but men have to be reminded again and again.


Colossians 3:12-15 shows us how to bear with one another’s different communication styles.