UNDERSTANDING THE WOMAN'S COMMUNICATION STYLE!!!

Genesis 2




Today we are walking in: Understanding The Woman's Communication Style!!!




Today we look to the word-PURPOSE- H6213 ’asah--to do, work, make, produce; to act, act with effect, effect








The Torah testifies...............

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The prophets proclaim..................






Daniel 6:17

And a stone was brought, and laid upon the mouth of the den; and the king sealed it with his own signet, and with the signet of his lords; that the purpose H6213 might not be changed concerning Daniel.









The writings bear witness...........................






Ecclesiates 3:1

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose H6213 under the heaven:







UNDERSTANDING THE WOMAN’S COMMUNICATION STYLE!!!




I have seen too much not to know that the impression of a woman may be more valuable than the conclusion of an analytical reasoner.

~Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

(as Sherlock Holmes)




Yah made women and men very different from each other in the way they think, act and respond. These differences were designed to be complementary and not divisive. Adam and Eve originally lived in harmony with Yah, and so they were able to live in harmony with one another. They knew how to draw on each other’s strengths in communication for the betterment of them both. However, when humanity turned away for Yah’s purposes and broke relationship with Him, the lines of communication between males and females were cut or at least badly frayed. Thus, the differences that were originally designed to correspond to one another now often lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in marriage and in other relationships between women and men.




The chances are very good that you have experienced some of this misunderstanding and conflict firsthand! Handling differences of opinion and avoiding discord are common problems in relationships.




Consequently, how should you conduct yourself when you have been created to function differently from others with whom you live and work? How are you to live harmoniously with a husband or wife whom you love but who processes information and responds in a manner that is totally distinct from the way that you do? How do you make yourself understood and how do you communicate effectively? Most of all, how do you keep from trying to control another person or driving a wedge between yourself and others because of these differences?




How do you live harmoniously with someone who is different from you?




Many women and men struggle with these issues. The answer is to understand the purposes and designs of females and males that influence their communication styles. With this knowledge- and some patience and forgiveness- females and males who are seeking Yah’s redemptive purposes for their lives can communicate with one another effectively and happily. Perhaps Colassians 3:13 would be a good guiding principle for us as we deal with differences in communication: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as The Most High forgave you.” When women and men are considerate with one another, they have the basis on which they can develop the mutual love and honor that is crucial to lasting relationships.




Let us now look at the female’s communication style and contrast it with the male’s style, so that their different perspectives can be understood and appreciated. In this way, they may be brought into the complementary balance that was Yah’s original purpose for them. This balance will be achieved when females and males understand the strengths of each communication style and when they learn to communicate with each other according to the style that the other party can receive and understand.




The following are the basic natures and tendencies of females and males in communication. Of course, there will always be exceptions, depending on the individual. Yet within the variations, the general tendencies usually hold true.




The Woman Is An “Emotional Feeler”




Yah made the woman primarily as an “emotional feeler,” while He made the man chiefly as a “logical thinker.” First, let’s define these terms.




When I say that a woman is an emotional feeler, I am referring to the way in which she processes and thinks about the verbal and nonverbal communication she receives and perceives from the world around her. Because the woman is an incubator, she not only receives thoughts and ideas into her being but also transforms them as she processes them in her emotional, mental, and spiritual wombs. Her communication style reflects this process. When a woman receives information, she assesses it both mentally and emotionally at the same time. This is what makes her distinct from the male, who generally uses these functions separately. Why is this so?




Again, purpose determines design. Yah’s creation is remarkable. He actually designed the brains of females and males to be different. The neural pathways between the left and right hemispheres of a woman’s brain (both logical and emotional sides) are intact. This explains what often puzzles many men: how women are able to do multiple tasks at the same time, rather than having to focus on just one. The woman’s brain allows her to process facts and feelings almost simultaneously. Her emotions are with her all the time she is thinking, and this influences her perspective on the world around her as well as what is communicated to her.




In contrast, there are fewer nerves connecting the two hemispheres of the male’s brain, so that the logical and emotional sides are not as closely connected. Because of this, he basically needs to “shift gears” to move from his dominant logical side to his emotional side. This is why men, in general, think in terms of facts and in a linear fashion. They think like a straight line- the shortest distance between two points- which gives them the ability to see the goal (the vision) and to focus their energies on reaching it in the most straightforward way.




Women, on the other hand, tend to think more like a grid than a straight line. A woman’s brain is designed to pick up many details that men don’t “see,” things that go beyond the mere facts, such as the personalities, motivations, and feelings of both herself and others. She can perceive, analyze, evaluate, and see relationships between things all at the same time, like x, y, and z coordinates on a grid track a multiple of factors at the same time.




No one person, and no one gender, can look at the world with complete perspective. Therefore, Yah has designed things so that when the female-man and the male-man work together in unity, they can help one another to see a more balanced picture of life. They weren’t meant to understand the world and fulfill their dominion mandate in isolation from one another. For this reason, they have built-in ways of seeing the world that are of benefit to each other. Yah designed the woman to look at life through an emotional filter and the man to look at life through a logical filter. This does not mean that women do not use logic or that men do not have emotions. They each have a specific way of looking at the world.




The women can help the man see aspects of life, which, if overlooked or ignored, can become detours or potholes preventing him from reaching his goal or from reaching it as quickly as he might have. Her peripheral vision keeps him from being blindsided as he single-mindedly pursues his goals and objectives. On the other hand, the man’s linear thinking helps the woman not to become so enmeshed in many layers of her multidimensional thinking that she loses sight of the goal and never reaches it. Women and men need each other to chart the best course in life- one that enables them to reach their common goal but also experience their journey in the fuller, wisest, and most rewarding way possible.




Women often have been written off as foolish and inferior by men because they are expressive and show their emotions. A woman does not need to apologize for her emotions. Yah made her to feel. Males have assumed that their approach is better than the females’ approach, rather than complementary to it. They haven’t known or understood how and why the woman was created to be an emotional feeler.




Feeling and Thinking




What communication between women and men comes down to is feeling, thinking and self expression. Women and men both feel. Women and men both think. It is their manner of looking at the world and their self expression that makes the difference. A woman’s first reaction will generally be an emotional one followed by a thinking one. The man’s first reaction will be a thinking one, but he will also feel.




Because the woman was created to be more attuned emotionally, she feels everything from the way a person looks at her to what a person is saying or doing. This is a natural response for her, because she was made to feel the world around her and within her.




When we don’t understand purpose, we begin to misinterpret motives.




For example, a woman will be looking forward to a romantic evening with her husband that they had planned. She will prepare the food, set the table, arrange the flowers, maybe even polish the silverware, and then meet him at the door when he comes home. Her husband walks in, says hello, then strides right past her without noticing that she has dressed up. Instead of going to the table, he goes into the living room and says, “I’m going to have dinner in front of the TV while I watch the news.” His mind is still in work mode. He is intent on finding out any information that may affect his work and thus his ability to provide for his wife and family. However, because his wife doesn’t understand this, she is deeply hurt at his behavior; her first reaction is to feel that he is ungrateful, inconsiderate, and totally heartless. So she goes into the living room and approaches him angrily. He asks, “What’s the matter with you?”




At this point, she sees nothing complementary in the way he is designed. When we don’t understand purpose, we begin to misinterpret motives. It is this suspicion that creates conflict. This is why understanding purpose and design is so important. Both the woman’s reaction and the man’s reaction are related to the way they are made. She took his apparent indifference personally, while his mind was preoccupied with what he was thinking so that he did not notice what his wife was feeling.




When women and men understand that the female-man is an emotional feeler and that the male-man is a logical thinker, they can understand how to use their differences for the betterment of them both. The point is that the distinct differences between women and men are meant to be a help to them- not a hindrance or source of pain. One way of thinking and communicating is not better than the other way, and the inherent differences between the two are not a result of the Fall. The way women and men are designed is for their good. They just need to exercise patience and understanding and to value the other’s contribution.




Self-Expression




A woman can generally express her feelings and thoughts better than a man can. Most women love to talk because of Yah’s purpose for them. Yah designed the woman to communicate what is going on in her heart and mind. Because a man talks less than a woman does, he can sometimes give her the impression that he is not doing much thinking. Men think quite a bit; however, they often don’t express their thoughts, and when they do, they express only the most salient points because they are interested in facts rather than details.




This is why a man can walk into the house and bypass a beautifully set table his wife has prepared and not say anything about it. The man needs help in switching his focus from linear thinking about his goals and work to an appreciation of the sensory and emotional aspects of life. Then he can notice and appreciate what his wife has done for him. He also needs to learn to articulate what he appreciates and feels. The woman, on her part, needs to understand when the man walks by her table without saying anything, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is being inconsiderate. It means that he is in a linear frame of mind, because this is his natural mindset.




Do Men Really Have Emotions?




Contrary to what many women believe, men do have emotions. They just don’t always express them- either because it is more difficult for them to or because their thinking rather than their emotions is at the forefront of what they are engaged in. It all goes back to purpose. Yah designed the man with the capacity to focus on the cold hard facts of a situation. Why? It is because he was created first, and in that position was designed to lead. A leader can’t afford to base his decisions on emotion, especially in a crisis.




Remember, we are talking about general tendencies. This doesn’t mean that a woman can’t lead. However, when she does, she often has to balance her emotions with the facts in order to make the best decisions. Moreover, her instincts can serve her well in this capacity.




She is feeling; he is thinking.




I have observed that the way a man acts when he receives information from a woman can make her angry. Suppose she says, “The mortgage is due, and we’re behind in our payments.” He says, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” His wife says, “But you don’t understand what I said. We don’t have any money, and they’re coming to get the furniture!” He replies, “I know. I said I’ll take care of it.” The woman phones her mother, cousin, and aunt to tell them about her situation, but the man seems almost nonchalant about it. The woman could interpret his response to mean that he doesn’t care. Yet all this time, he’s been thinking about what he’s going to do. She is feeling, he is thinking. He is formulating all kinds of schemes in his head about how he can get the money. Since a female is an emotional feeler, she is generally led or motivated by her emotions, even though she also think. Yet a male is led or motivated by his thinking because of his leadership and provider responsibilities.




There are times when a woman isn’t feeling what a man is thinking, and a man is not thinking what a woman is feeling. When this happens, the lack of communication between them compounds their frustration with one another. Men need to learn to tell women what they are thinking and feeling. Again, when the man walks past the beautifully laid dinner table, he has to remember to express his feelings. At the same time, the woman shouldn’t consider his unemotional response as being either irresponsible or inconsiderate.




A Perfect Balance




The man generally bases his thoughts and actions on what is logical; he factually analyzes everything. This is both a strength and a weakness, because emotions and insights are very important to a person’s functioning in the world. Therefore, the man needs someone who can balance his logic with feeling. Otherwise, he’ll go through life with merely a cold, logical outlook. He needs someone who can show him the emotional side of life, who can remind him of his need to be sensitive to others. I appreciate Yah’s design. He designed things in such a way that females and males need one another.




The female was created to help the man in that, whatever the male lacks, the female has. The female’s emotional feeling will balance the male’s logical thinking. Many women don’t understand how important they are to the men in their lives. What the male-man lacks, the female-man possesses. The reverse is also true. This principle is based on Yah’s purpose. Whatever Yah drew out of Adam to make Eve, the man needs in order to be complete. There are qualities in the woman that Yah took out of the man at creation that a man needs.