UNDERSTANDING THE WOMAN'S EMOTIONAL NEEDS!!! PART 2!!!!!

Genesis chapter 2







Today we are walking in: Understanding The Woman's Emotional Needs Part 2







Today we look to the word-NEED- H4270- machcowr- deficiency; hence, impoverishment:—lack, need, penury, poor, poverty, want.









The Torah testifies………...




Deuteronomy 15:8




But thou shalt open thine hand wide unto him, and shalt surely lend him sufficient for his need H4270, in that which he wanteth.









The Prophets proclaim………….




1 Samuel 21:15




Have I need H4270 of mad men, that ye have brought this fellow to play the mad man in my presence? shall this fellow come into my house?









The Writings witness……….




2 Chronicles 2:16




And we will cut wood out of Lebanon, as much as thou shalt need H4270: and we will bring it to thee in floats by sea to Joppa; and thou shalt carry it up to Jerusalem.







The Man Has a Need for Recreational Companionship




While the female has a need for conversion, the male has a need for recreational companionship. Notice that both of these needs have to do with sharing the company of others. This is why, when the woman participates in the man’s recreational interests, he will begin to converse with her. She is sharing one of his basic needs with him, and he appreciates it.




Nothing blesses a man more than when a woman is involved in his recreation.




I wish I could plant in the minds of women how important a man’s need for recreational companions is. It has to do with how he is designed. Because the man was created first and has a leadership nature, he seems to have an inborn need to protect his “domain” or “territory” from threats from the outside world. He is a protector. This is why a man needs to feel as if he is always winning at life. (You women may have noticed this trait already.) This need translates into desire to win over the competition in a sports event or to master a particular area of interest or expertise. It is this territorial nature that leads to his need for recreational companionship. He needs to be involved in challenging activities, and although he likes to win, he also likes to share these experiences with others.




Nothing blesses a man more than when a woman is involved in his recreation. I can’t emphasize enough how important this is. As I mentioned in the last teaching about a woman’s need for conversation, if a woman participates in whatever a man enjoys doing- playing tennis, visiting historical landmarks, playing an instrument, or designing computer programs, for example- and lets him tell her all about them, she can strengthen her relationship with him. He will feel good when she is involved with him in his recreation.




I’ve seen men pick up other women who participate in their recreational activity because they need the companionship. A wife may prevent this from happening if she becomes involved in her husband’s interests. If a man gains a sense of accomplishment through performing music, she should become familiar with his music. Whatever he considers his form of competition or whatever he is involved in that makes him feel as if he is shaping his own environment, she should become a part of.




I’ve heard women say things about their husbands such as, “That old fool; he always over at the ball field playing softball. I wish he would stop that and come home and be a husband.” This attitude won’t help the situation. He has a need that is being met out there on the ball field. Why would a man spend hours on something unless he has a need that is being fulfilled through it? Instead of fighting against what brings fulfillment to the man, the woman should find out why it is important to him. Then, if possible, she should participate init so that they can experience it together, thus building understanding, companionship, and intimacy in their relationship.




The Woman Needs Affection




Third, a woman needs affection. This need is a part of who she is. Remember this does not only apply to married couples but applies to your girlfriends, daughters and coworkers. A woman doesn’t just want affection- she needs it!




Yet while one of her primary needs is affection, one of the male’s primary needs is sex. If these two interrelated needs are not livingly understood and balanced, they can cause some of the worst conflicts in a marriage.




What men and women need to understand is that affection creates the environment for sexual union in marriage, while sex is the event. Most men don’t realize this, and so they immediately go after the event. They don’t know what it means to create an environment of affection. They focus only on their need. Men need sex, but women need affection, and they need this affection to precede sexual intimacy.




These differences, again, have to do with the distinct natures of males and females. The male was designed as the source. Not only was he the source, “material” for the creation of the female, but also he was given the source for creating new life through his seed or sperm. He is the provider of the seed, and therefore his natural inclination is to provide this source. This is one of the reasons why he concentrates on the event of sex.




The woman, on the other hand, is the one who gestates the new life. Her role is to provide a warm and secure environment in which the life can grow and develop. As an incubator, the woman’s natural focus is on the sensory, intuitive, and emotional realms of life, and this is why she has a corresponding need for affection. She needs an environment of affection in order to feel loved and fulfilled.




The problem is that man is not naturally affectionate. Many men simply do not understand how to give affection to their wives. How can a man give a woman what she needs when he feels he doesn’t have what she needs?




The man can learn to be affectionate. He can come to know the woman’s purpose and design and then meet her need for affection as it relates to this design.




The Woman’s Seasons




Men are to be considerate to their wives in sexual matters.




While a man is always sexually ready, a woman is not always ready for sexual relations. Yah designed her to be on a four-season cycle: summer, winter, autumn, and spring. You can always tell when it’s summer. The sun is at high noon- hot. Yah made her that way. Then comes autumn. Autumn is when the weather grows cooler and the woman begins acting a little more reserved. Then winter comes, and the man feels as if he’s been left out in the cold. Yet winter passes and suddenly spring arrives, it gets warmer, and everything is new again. A man needs to understand about the seasons of a woman. He might be ready, but for her, it could be wintertime.




Paul wrote, “Encourage the young men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:6), and, “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled” (Titus 2:2). Peter wrote, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect” (1 Peter 3:7).




Men are to be considerate and honorable to their wives in sexual matters. They need to be aware that the woman’s design is related to her purpose. She is designed to reproduce, and therefore her body has a reproductive cycle. Even though the man is the one who plants the seed, he has to plant it during the right season for the female. Yah designed her differently from a man because of her purpose in reproduction. The man needs to cooperate with this purpose so that both parties can be blessed.




Some men have absolutely no consideration for their wives in this matter. Lately, I’ve heard of many cases of marital rape. Men raping their wives is a big problem. They think that their marriage license gives them the license to force their wives. That is not being a man; it is being a beast. That is not love, it is rape, regardless of its being in the context of their legal relationship as husband and wife. This is wrong. Yah’s design is that genuine love be present in the marriage bed, where there is sensitivity, patience, care and affection.




Another problem is that, when a man gets his sexual need met, he usually believes the woman’s needs have also been met. This is not necessarily the case. Just because the man is satisfied doesn’t mean that the woman is, because a woman’s needs are different from a man’s. She experiences sexual union differently from the way in which he does. The man’s responsibility is to meet a woman’s needs by creating an environment of affection in which she can be fulfilled. If he creates this environment, then he will often have his own sexual need fulfilled.




What is affection? Giving affection to a woman means appealing to that which makes her an emotional being. We discussed some of what a man can do to express affection for his wife in the teaching on a woman’s need for love. Bringing her flowers, calling her everyday, sending her little cards even though it’s no particular “occasion,” going shopping with her, and holding her hand while walking down the street are all expressions of affection. A man might think it’s foolish to hold his wife’s hand as they are walking through the mall, but she will think it’s wonderful. The companionship they share will create an environment of affection.




Some women think, “I wish he would go shopping with me just once and push the cart in the food store.” Many men would respond to this, “Me push a grocery cart? She does the shopping.” Yet the woman wants the man to say, “Let’s do the shopping together. We can finish it faster that way, and then we’ll have time to go for a drive.” That’s affection. When he goes in the kitchen and helps her cook, that’s affection. When he says, “Honey, I’ll cut up the onions. Let my eyes water for once,” that’s affection. “Where’s my dinner?” is not affectionate.




Showing affection is expressing one’s love constantly in little ways. Many men don’t know how to do this because they didn’t have fathers who showed affection to their mothers. Hopefully, their sons will be better at it.




Affection is something that the man has to initiate.




Many women just want to get sex over with because they aren’t being given this kind of affection. The woman may hate the experience and then walk away from it with bitterness because while the man has been fulfilled, he hasn’t tried to fulfill her needs. Women have said to me during marriage counseling, “I feel like I’m just being used by this man of Yah.’ How can he pray all the time, read the Bible constantly, and preach, and then come home and treat me like I’m a prostitute?”




May it not be so among us. A woman doesn’t want a man to jump in bed and then jump right out again. He gets exactly what he wants, but she doesn’t receive anything.




Paul said that women must be treated with sensitivity and affection. Ephesians 5:28 says, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself.” A husband is to love his wife, cherish her, and care for her, like his own body. Some men keep themselves very physically fit. They go jogging, exercise, and lift weights. Yah is saying, “Put the same attention on your wife.” Men take care of their bodies; they shower and shave. Yah is saying, “Take care of her the same way you take care of yourself.”




Affection is something that the man has to initiate. If a man is not sure how to be affectionate, he should sit down with his wife and say, “Tell me how to be affectionate.” Men need to be trained in this. I can tell you right now that there are thousands upon thousands of men who know nothing about affection. They know much about sex, but nothing about affection.




When a woman says to her husband, “Hug me,” she is not saying she wants to go to bed. She is saying she wants affection. If the man holds her, and holds her long enough, he will be rewarded.




A Male Is Always Ready




Why is the male the way he is? Design determines needs. The male was designed to be a leader, a teacher, a cultivator, and a protector. Therefore, he is wired always to be ready to act. It is his nature to be ready all the time. A leader can’t be ready only sometimes. If attack comes in the middle of the night, he has to be prepared. If attack comes midday, he can’t be caught off guard. If problems arise at sunset, a leader has to be a leader. Because Yah designed the male to be ready, he is in a state of readiness in all the various aspects of his life, including his sexuality. His sexual energy never stops. It may pause, but it never really stops.




Many women interpret this aspect of the male as being unnatural. Yet because it is his nature always to be prepared, his body has been designed in that way, as well. Therefore, it’s not unnatural for a man always to be sexually ready. The man needs to realize that being ready doesn’t always mean taking action.




“Encourage the young men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:6). Self-control is a recurring theme in Paul’s writings. He knew that sex can control men. When you’re always ready, you must be able to exercise self-control. A man’s need for sex is one of the strongest needs imaginable. It is an aspect of makeup of a man that gives him great fulfillment. Many men don’t understand this drive themselves.




Some men believe that whenever they experience sexual desire, they have to find someone with whom to release it. They even pay to try to meet this need, yet they still aren’t satisfied. They don’t understand that Yah made them ready because of the leadership purpose He’s given them. Therefore, their energy should be channeled into positive leadership.




The man’s readiness places the woman in a difficult situation at times. First, she may interpret the man’s sexual energy as animalistic, thoughtless, and heartless. If his approach is too abrupt or too aggressive, she may tell him to leave her alone. The man then interprets her reaction as disinterest or disrespect. In this case, he may feel inclined to find interest and honor somewhere else.




On the other hand, I’ve known some women who pay more attention to ministry activities and evangelism than they do to their husbands. In a sense, they neglect their husbands’ sexual needs because they claim they are too busy serving Yah. However, this means that their husbands are then left at home alone- and they’re always ready.




Paul told us that this type of situation is a recipe for disaster. He said that whenever a husband and wife forego sexual relations in order to serve Yah, they should do so only by mutual consent and only for a short period of time.




The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Hasatan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)




This passage means that if you are going to pray and fast, spend time with The Most High, or go on a missions trip, you should get the consent of your spouse before you abstain from sexual relations. It is important for a woman to be sensitive to her husband’s need for sex. When some women become citizens, they somehow think that it’s not “spiritual” for them to engage in physical relations any longer. They tell their husbands, “I’m a citizen now, and my body is the temple of the Ruach Hackodesh, so don’t touch me.” This is a foolish philosophy and a damaging witness to their husbands. Sex was part of Yah’s original design for humanity, and it is a holy thing between a husband and a wife. The Bible says to the woman, “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:4), and it says to the man, “The husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife? (v4).




Sex is part of Yah’s original design for humanity and is a holy thing between husband and wife.




The wife’s body belongs both to herself and to her husband. The husband’s body belongs both to himself and to his wife. These verses are not only telling us that husbands and wives are to meet one another’s sexual needs, but also that one or the other partner has a say in whether or not she or he is ready to have sexual relations. The husband may say, “Honey, I’m ready,” but she has the right to say, “You’re always ready, but I’m not ready right now.” There has to be a balance between having one’s needs fulfilled and showing consideration for the other person’s needs.




Some men walk around with the attitude, “If I don’t have it, I’m going to die.” Well, let them “die,” then because it’s not true. The man is always ready, so he needs to exercise some self-control. As Peter said, a husband is to be sensitive to his wife’s needs. He is to live with her with knowledge and consideration.




Learning and Fulfilling One Another’s Needs




The primary areas of need, therefore, for women and men are love/honor, conversation/recreational companionship, and affection/sex. If you want to be blessed, don’t focus on your needs but discover what the other person’s needs are and seek to fulfill them. This will become a double blessing, because meeting the needs of the other person usually causes him or her to want to fulfill yours. Whenever you are not receiving what you need in a relationship, check to see if you are fulfilling these basic needs first.




There are people who say to me, “But I’ve been married for forty years. You don’t know our marriage. I’ve tried everything to make it work.” The Bible says that Yah’s people perish, not because of sin, not because of Hasatan, but because of lack of knowledge. (See Hosea 4:6.) Therefore, where there is a breakdown in communication or any other problem, there is often something more you need to learn about your partner’s needs and your own creation design that can meet those needs.




Physically abusive situations are a separate issue and need to be addressed individually. If you are in such a situation, I urge you to seek the help of your pastor and trusted community friends. However, many situations in which couples are facing mild to severe marital difficulties are a result of their failure to understand, serve and appreciate each other. Coming to understand their spouse’s needs and seeking to fulfill them while offering unconditional love has transformed the marriages of numerous couples. If you will apply the principles in this teaching, I believe they will make you a significant positive difference in your relationships.




These principles are drawn directly from Yah’s Word. We need continual training in Yah’s principles. It is good for us to receive instruction on how to properly fulfill the purposes for which we were created. In this way, we can have a positive impact on the people who need us to fulfill theirs. The Bible is our instruction manual that explains to us our purpose. “All Scripture is Yah-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of Yah may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).




The Bible equips us to be the women and men that we are designed to be. I encourage you to be a person of the Word as you undertake to understand Yah’s purposes and design for humanity and seek to meet the needs of those with whom you are in relationship. May you be blessed as you are a blessing to others.




Principles





The needs of females and males are connected to their purposes and designs.


A primary need of the female is love, while a primary need of the male is honor.


To love means to cherish, to care for, and to show affection.


Even though a woman might be honoring and esteeming her husband, he might not know how to express love to her in the way she needs him to.


If a woman’s husband is ignorant of her need for love, it is important that she be patient and trust Yah to reveal this need to him while avoiding bitterness.


A primary need for the female is conversation, while a primary need of the male is recreational companionship.


To truly meet his wife’s need for conversation, a husband should talk with her at the feeling level and not just the knowledge and information level.


A husband should converse with his wife with courtesy and openness, telling her what he thinks and feels. He should share his plans and actions clearly and completely because he considers himself accountable to her.


A woman can create opportunities for conversing with her husband by developing an interest in his job, his activities and his hobbies.


A primary need of the female is affection, while a primary need of the male is sex.


Sex was part of Yah’s original design for humanity, and it is a holy thing between a husband and a wife.


Affection creates the environment for sexual union in marriage, while sex is the event.


A man should be sensitive to the seasons of a woman’s reproduction cycle and not pressure her into having sexual relations, while a woman should be sensitive to her husband’s need for sex.